Highway to hell

I recently had to say goodbye to a sub who meant a lot to me and I envisioned a future with. I keep wanting to message him and talk like I normally did. But part of moving on is cutting contact with him completely. I’ve erased everything that reminds me of him. Messages and pictures. I found a small amount of solace by writing. I’ve been keeping a bit of a diary on the notes on my phone. Everything I felt unsure about or ever questioned has been written there. Every time I miss him and would like to talk I also write it there. Having other subs has also helped and I’ve been spending more time with them in order to forget. But as someone who has so many thoughts in my head and gets easily lost in the worlds in my head, writing has been a balm to my heart. I’m still able to say what I want but not to him. Never again. He made decisions in life that wouldn’t let him pursue something with me and he will not let those things go. I have to face and accept it like I should have since the start. So until the day I forget, until the day I stop missing him, until the day it doesn’t hurt I’ll keep writing in my little “diary”.