The Yolk of P'an-Ku

Musings, rambles, dribble - all and none

Honesty

4 years ago. June 20, 2020 at 11:59 AM

I get it.

I really do.

It's hard to lay it all on the line: what you want, what you hope, how your needs might be met. Some of these things may feel wrong to you, but they are not wrong they are merely you. Some of these things you feel guilty for, but hiding them will only make your experience hollow. Creating something special requires the most delicate of negotiations, and for that to happen successfully, you have to be honest with yourself and the other person.

All I ask; this one thing, is that if there are wants and needs, then lead with the needs. Don't hide the "must haves" behind a wall of "would be nice ifs". All that will do is probably waste your time and the time of others. Some people have what you need and many do not. Don't tarry with finding that out. Some things are just too important to sit on and withhold from the other person. Don't stoke the hope of others needlessly, it does more harm than good. It is preferable to be thought shallow than to be thought cruel.

I always lay it all on the line in excruciating detail that leaves me open and vulnerable. Though to some it may feel like a lot to take in to me its one of the mot precious gifts I have to offer: drawing back the curtain to a stranger i a leap of faith.

I always take the time to ask a lot of questions, to state then restate and clarify who I am and what I expect. I'm shaking the tree, expecting a hornet's nest to drop but hoping against hope to find that one perfect apple to sate a hungry soul. My time is also precious to me, and the second gift I offer up.

I'm always honest about the situation and with my answers to questions, even when I know the answer has more chance to cost me. Honesty is the third and greatest gift I can offer to others. If one cannot be honest here and now with something amazing on the line, can you ever be?

Honesty, time, and vulnerability: the treasures that I must cast at the feet of a stranger in the hope they recognise what they are. Each time I must exist in terror of having them treated as though they are trash; picking up the now dirty, still worthy feelings after they have been trampled thoughtlessly.

Let's be honest to each other and more importantly to ourselves.

slaveMikayla(sub female){MstrJ } - Great post. Truly.
May I suggest reframing one thing though?
"Honesty, time, and vulnerability: the treasures that I must cast at the feet of a stranger in the hope they recognise what they are. Each time I must exist in terror of having them treated as though they are trash; picking up the now dirty, still worthy feelings after they have been trampled thoughtlessly."
... I know it can feel that way, really I do.
A lot of women, especially "pleasers" and let's admit a lot of submissives have "pleaser" tendencies find it very hard to turn an otherwise good person down. Perhaps they do indeed recognize the treasure it is and wish upon wish that they could will their peach to be the apple by alchemy of will.
If, however, someone indeed is treating that honesty as trash then perhaps instead of viewing it as picking up the pieces that were cast away as instead, snatching back your gift from the jaws of the greedy and unworthy . .. pearls before swine if you will.

4 years ago

Mr E(dom male) - I agree, your suggestion seems sweeter :)

4 years ago

slaveMikayla(sub female){MstrJ } - infinitely more kind to you and your heart. To be accepted for only part of you is to be rejected for who you truly are.

4 years ago

Grey Eyes(sub female){Owned} - I appreciate your honesty. A good strong relationship is based on truth, honesty and communication. I agree, in that we are all vulnerable to varying degrees.
To my way of thinking, we are all products of our past. The trick is to not let it control us, but hopefully makes us stronger in the belief that our desires, needs and wants will be perfect for a certain someone. Good luck in your search.

4 years ago

Redtailedkitty - You’ve written in words how I try to live, love and trust in my encounters. It’s scary and can be extremely rewarding when it works. I agree with the reframing Velv made. And also looking at each missed opportunity or unfulfilled encounter as a lesson. I’ve had some terrible experiences and I have learned powerful lessons from each one. Each time I lay it on the line, I might get lucky but even more importantly I will grow and be a better version of myself.

4 years ago

Mr E(dom male) - Totally agree. Many of the things that didnt work out I learned from and I am on friendly terms with the other person (so I hope!). I was speaking about certain raw situations that bothered me in the past. I should have made it clear I'm not talking universally! I choose to leave my post as is though, due to wanting people to see what I wrote in the moment and see me learning lessons from comments :)

4 years ago

Redtailedkitty - *nods* I often share experiences in that same way. It’s a personal reflection on a situation. I’ve learned that those shares are really powerful learning tools for new people that read them. And wonderful reminders for those of us with more experience. In either instance, it is a beautiful post and very much appreciated. :)

4 years ago

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Mr E​(dom male)

The Yolk of P'an-Ku

Honesty

Mr E(dom male)