The velocity of interaction is something that often comes up in conversations. How to keep things moving at a pace that both parties can accept yet not allow any of us to put pressure on that for an earlier or slower cadence?
I'll freely admit I allowed myself to make a mistake early on in my journey. I let excitement and assurance from someone led me to meet up before I was really ready. My optimism took control, things would resolve themselves naturally etc. I can sometimes let the excitement of others have too strong an effect on my own feelings.
Now, I always try to put the breaks on if it goes too fast. My alarm bells ring a little if I feel someone wants to meet very quickly. I have to accept there are those who know their own mind well and see any delay a a "waste of their time" - so I need to assess if I'm dealing with one of those people or with someone pushing forward heedlessly. Either way, I still prefer caution - but its a delicate balancing act to not feel like you are holding them back from what they want. I'm aware this is not often a great characteristic, but I feel its my responsibility to be respectful, attentive and engage with anyone that has the courage to approach me. Until I feel a line has been crossed that means I cannot be any more flexible in my position without compromising my own feelings, I'll try to work through things with the other person.
The opposite situation is also tricky. How can I feel confidence in a prospective person if the level of engagement is glacial? My mind often quickly runs to paranoid thoughts - am I being played with? Is this due to their own situation in life, or is this evidence of a lack of respect? I try not to make any assumptions, but we aren't here to organise a cook off, this is serious stuff that has a physical and emotional impact in the life of oneself and others. If you are engaging me and have not done your own due diligence, aren't you doing us both a disservice?
I expect anyone approaching me want to learn if I might be a good fit - that means you need to have some idea of of what comparative baseline you can use to determine this. As long as I feel a person I am talking to has that in place, I'm happy to take my time, and won't push for anything to happen quicker than it needs to. Otherwise, I might ask you to go and think about what you want first then get back to me!
In general, I think its a matter of knowing your own 'speed' but also trying where possible to show respect for the cues of the other person involved in the conversation. Otherwise, you might fall at the first hurdle. A always, communicating your expectations and feelings is critical. Something I'm as guilty of not doing as anyone else is. Another self-learning moment for me, then.
Plus: music.
