You didn't believe in heaven... so my first inclination to say happy heavenly birthday seemed, well, rude.
Of course, I have often been rude and I am full of dark humor and bad puns these days.
The hourglass, the '2 minute timer'... the 'after all these years and the man ghosts me...(literally)'
Still, I remember so much and still I know... There is so much I will forget. I know that there
One of the first honest conversations we ever had was about which song defined you at that moment in your life.
I gave you, "I am a rock" Simon and Garfunkel
You gave me "Whisper" by Morphine. I should have looked it up RIGHT then.
And that exchange was the way of things, wasn't it? Chase and retreat. The rise, the fall.. tears, laughter.. and the banter..
g-d the words that would be exchanged when we would go toe to toe.
Quip or poetry.. and an entire Discord conversation in Autherian style - prose and poetry.
Love letters that would be the envy of others- a love for all ages in a life too briefly spent together.
Memories as friends and lovers..
and the one thing I have lived my life trying to avoid - regret. Your third bottle coulda shoulda woulda - only mine and sober and every damn day.
Because of you, I am not a rock or an island, and without the companions you either shoved on me or pushed me to remember, I would be lost.
You who refused to be a King, but rather a knight, the Englishman who liked being English but hated where you grew up.
Last night we should have celebrated your birthday- instead I watched Momma Mia and Love Actually alone.
It takes time, because I am adrift, and this has been a cascade because those whom I anchored are also adrift
So happy birthday Invictus, my great one, my dorkbrain, goon and most beloved AH.
G-d keep you until I find you and get to say seeee I was RIGHT!!!
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