Today is going to be a little bit different it's a freestyle ramble where I am going to just be completely talking my mind and I don't even know how it's going to turn out the light is blinding it truly is and when you stand up that's.....
That's when you can really truly lose it all you're not broken you're not lost you're not cast away into nothing you're free a place from which you once felt so broken you couldn't even stand now you can stand to the light and the light is blinding it takes time to adjust.
Sometimes it's days months or years every so often you're going to turn around and that lights can be blinding whether it bees or something where a memory hits you like a ton of bricks or you have to take the extra steps when you're moving on going through your things remembering the things that you lost seeing way is how toxic people will still deliberately attack you because you broke free even if it was by there doing.
Don't look into the light. Take time.
Everything good in life will always take time some is less some is more but you truly cannot push yourself if you feel uncomfortable you need to learn how to be yourself again even if you have been so lost for so long know you're standing know who you are know what you need become the person that you need to be and not what you want to be cuz we all want to be comfortable we all want to be in that place where we don't need to change anymore but that's sometimes we want and not we truly need.
If I could tell you one thing as an individual who has been through a lot I have been through up's I've been through Downs 13 years is a long time it wasn't bad the whole time and I'm sure whatever you're going through it wasn't bad the whole time but if you think that you need to leave you need to escape don't hesitate.
There is only one you and the more of yourself that you lose the more it takes to get it back I lost myself for a long time I'm stronger from it.
Don't be afraid to find your own strength tell your partner your needs communicate what you feel is going wrong don't give up on them but if they give up on themselves and they give up on everything and you become the only person who won't give up you need to communicate that to them and you need to tell them that they have a problem and you can't do it on your own they need to put in the work you can love someone as deeply as possible but when you are the only one trying anymore the only one cooking the only one cleaning the only one who makes sure that life keeps going on while they get to experience whatever they need it's not a partnership you become a caretaker you're an object in the eyes of your partner you deserve better than that I did too it's partnership it's not an ownership and in all partnerships there is a knowing what is and is not right know your dynamic make sure it's communicated with your partner so each person is happy do not fall victim to the concept of I will be whatever you need me to be that's just saying I'll just become whatever you want it shows that you've lost your individuality you need to know who you are take time ask yourself these three questions
Am I okay with where I am?
Is this where I want to be when I'm old?
Can I find security and understanding in both actions and words in my partner?
If even one of these things seems like it is going wrong it is a red flag and you need to reevaluate because of any of those things cannot be understood cannot be processed or felt like it is being met it shows that you as an individual are taking comfort in knowing that you are providing for them but they are not providing what you as an individual need as a very primal basic need if you can't feel secure if you can't feel like you want to be there when you're old and for the love of God if you do not feel okay where you are you need to reevaluate everything take steps and taking action to bring yourself to make sure that all of those are checked and you are in a place that is healthy.
In closing this is going to be different my last two chapters were completely typed by hand I decided to use text to speech today so this is more of a deeper insight to the way that I prefer to communicate this is more along the lines of sitting down and having a conversation with who I am.
You are not alone truly, no one is alone.
People make mistakes, father's, mothers.
Terrible mistakes.
Witches can be good Giants can be nice just remember someone is on your side.
Some people are not.