I tried to get on vanilla sites to find friends even guys on those sites wanted sex. They all just want to have "fun" and I kept saying that I could not enjoy this "fun."
I will NOT do something that I cannot enjoy. . . what is the point to that?
I even deleted my vanilla profiles because people were just not listening or reading what I wanted. (Except my okcupid, I’m addicted to the questions.)
I just keep getting people who will NOT read my profile, and they instantly think a one to two line message is instantly going to change my mind. If you want to message and actually talked to me: Please read my profile and blogs and have something to say other than can I knee for you and/or serve you. (The Dominance-submission does NOT happen overnight; they has to be a genuine connection between to the two people.)
Actually, I was the relationship that I wanted, but I could not handle sex anymore at all. I am not interested and to be honest if you read my blog, you have noticed that my last blog said that I have stopped looking because out of last ten guys at least nine of them want sex. (At least three admit that they only want the sex part of the dominance. However the other six claim they do not want sex, but secretly they want sex, but they just want to beg for it so they can feel submissive.) Please do not lie about NOT wanting to get off. If it wasn’t painful, I would want to get off too.
Many guys message do not read my profile, only want the sex part, want to be an instant submissive without doing the communication work to build the connection. . . the dom-sub thing will NOT work without the connection: and you need communication to have a connection.
Even guys that claim they just want to be friends (because they have a girlfriends) still bring up the sex. I’ve even tried to be friends who submissive who have girlfriend (or I found out after communicating a while down the road.) it makes me feel bad when a taken guy said that he excited to talk to me but has a girlfriend waiting at home. (I was that girlfriend in the background while my supposed boyfriend was more entertain by someone else and ignoring me when I was pain mentally, physically, and emotionally. . . I felt sick and useless . . . and on top of that not good enough for him.)
So if I have male sub friends, I need to them to be single, but not desperately lonely that I am just filling an emotional hole. There has to be some meaning, some connection between the two of us, there has to be many common areas, NOT sexual.
I think I am going to try to take sex completely out of my life for a while. I need to focus on my horror aspect of writing and my health aspects.
I plan to write more blogs, but now until down the road.
