It's been a very chaotic weekend. . . I was dealing with lots of people grocery shopping. . . it was so crowded that you would think, there would be another closing. . . no coffee creamer, no mac N cheese, no hamburger buns, no butter. It's was really crazy, I ran into people shopping.
I have been social cautious since I was raped, and my PTSD gets bad. However with this virus chaos, my social anxiety has gotten much worst. There are some days I work well with others and someday I don't work as much.
I use this site and my Fetlife for my writings. . . to talk to online friends with similar interests and get readers for my erotica. (my boyfriend is even writing the erotica with me, and I hope we publish it someday, but those projects are no where close to being finished.)
I am NOT looking up for meet up or Friends with physical benefits. Any physical sex is going to my boyfriend only. . . at least for now. He knows I talk to others, and so does he, but we first and priority in each other's lives.
I have female issues that can make orgasming hard and sometimes very painful. Pain is NOT a turn on for me. I rather do it with someone who cares for me, not just trying to get kicks. I am not ready yet for to watch someone fuck my guy. That will be down the road when I hope to spice things after I fix my health issues. They will have to have a genuine connection to both of us.
Anyway, I do not mind an e-mail or a nice compliment or flirt, but I really do NOT want several messages, I mean message after message when I have not replied to the first one. I cannot handle super-sexed and over overly hypered people. Then when I tell you to slow down, only for me to be chewed out. (They never asked what was going on. . . for me to be that overwhelmed.)
I have social anxiety, depression (worst in the winter), PTSD, and a female issues (several mood swings). . . my own family calls me the bear. I also have very limited privacy, so writing is my only way to express myself. I have some good days, when things are good and I can communicate easily, but I have some days when it is hard to communicate at all.
The last few months, I have had some very serious female issues in which you add anemia to the depression. . . I feel sad, scared, and I cannot focus at all. It's hard to dominate when you are like that. However I all I keep getting chewed out because I am a tease.. . . but I do not see people asking if I am okay? I mean really okay. (they just want the command, hand pump and release. No connection, just dump. . . no friendly banter just sex. It's really sad and cold. I cannot have it like that.)
I put others before myself, and if people stopped longer enough to get to know me and build that connection, they would have seen that.
I may be my own worst enemy, but at least I always have someone to fight. It's sad for those who are shallow out there.
I have to get a major surgery that will change my life, and I am going through a lot mentally and the media makes me feel less of person, because I will not be able to do what I am supposed to do as my gender of sex. Message me if you are really concerned or can send suggestions. Please send prayers or good vibes.