Reason I’m single
1. I’m afraid not finding someone who can truly deal with me. (My emotional and mental issues) (My depression, anger, anxiety, and PTSD have me all over. It’s hard to be happy with these issues hanging in my emotional shadows. I know so many who try to think happiness is with sex, but not with me. Note: that is number 2. I will give you three things that make me happy: writing for hours, cats, and cooking/baking.)
2. My physical health issues (I cannot enjoy sex anymore, it’s painful to orgasm. The thing is I do like sex, but I cannot enjoy it anymore. I also have stomach issues as well as sleep and anemic issues. I can be easily cranky because I’m in pain or meh, or sickly. I may not seem so online as I can hide my meh-ness with words.)
3. I’m afraid of being cheated on and hurt again (It was very complicated with my ex, as I didn’t realize he was demi-sexual like me. He didn’t just need the sex, but the connection with the sex. He couldn’t just fuck someone else and still love me. He had to love them too. If I had known I would have never let him look for other friends with benefits. My health issues what killed our relationship. I am afraid if I deny another guy sex even with a cock cage, he’ll still find a way to take it off and cheat on me.)
4. I’m still attached the idea of my ex and what we had (I like that we shared common interests and still have our own time. We read and wrote together and he embraced my love of horror and vampires. He would get excited over things and loved to see me happy. I loved his fearless passion in life. He got me three cats; my fur babies. I really want that again.)
5. I’m afraid I’ll get a lying submissive who is secretly a manipulative dominant. (They say that “I don’t know what I want,” “I am experimenting to figure out who I am,” or say “I am new.” They say that “I tried being a dominant but it wasn’t for me,” “I’m only dominant at work,” or “I’m only dominant with submissive women.” However that moment I am weak, because of my health, the dominance in those men will manipulate and take advantage of my weakness. Many say I over think this, but think about it’s been weeks since you have cum, and I am sick and you are horny . . . I really see annoyance or manipulation will come into play.)
6. I’m afraid to guy who wants to submissive just so he does not have to think. (I want actual connection with another person with their own personality, not a puppet. They just want to be a part of female led female because they trust and feel that I will help find their true potential while they support and help me find my happiness. We have own goals and goals we will have together.)
7. I’m afraid that I will not find someone that will get me or I will have another true connection with. (I am dominant, but need someone who is into me as a person. I can be sarcastic, creative, needy, funny, hopeful, and many more. I need vanilla elements as well as dominance in my life. I need to been in control or my anxiety and paranoia goes crazy. I love to cuddle, kiss, date, do thing with my special submissive other. I want to share their hobbies and have them enjoy mine. I love to write, cook, bake, cats, watch sports, paint, color, swim, walk, movies, music, dice RPG, dinning out and trying new things.)
8. I need to micromanage. (I’m more into managing others than dominating over sex. I love to control the budget with allowance, (I’m not the type to spend all of the money on myself), I like to make the month menu and discuss what meals and snacks we want that month. I like to know all of the bills are paid. It’s a comfort for me.)
9. My family needs me at times. (We help each other with doctor appointments and such. I need my hopeful, possible, future submissive boyfriend needs to know I am very close with my family. They know I am dominant.)
10. I am NOT into pain. (I have rules for my submissive, but I am not into painful punishments. Giving and receiving pain are a turn off for me. I’m more into creative punishment. I want more of a relationship and less of a training session. I am into communication. I need a submissive boyfriend willing to communicate with me daily, not ghosting, catfishing, or deleting random accounts.)
I feel that I know most of these are excuses I am hiding behind. However I just really do not want to get hurt again, I am still healing. (Yes, it been three years, but Tom and I were together 8 years. Female led relationship we were in did not just happen overnight. We communicated months before we met but we exchanged pics, stories, ideas etc, once we did meet, we experimented with what we needed, wanted and liked, and what we didn’t like. We connected and I NEED that part again. I know that for sure. It was like chocolate chip vanilla type of relationship with openness to some kink. We chatted online, but never got to extreme cybering, which is good as even the idea of sex is a tease to me. It wasn’t until after we had physical sex that he ever helped with my written erotic work.)
I know what I want and what I need. I know my limits and what I don’t want. I will NOT settle! I was in love once and if I only had one chance, I do not regret it. If I get another chance for love, I’ll be happy, but it will NOT happen overnight. I need someone to read my blogs like this one and understand me, and still want me. (I’m not into pics of your junk, or how many cock cages I am getting you or what medical procedure you can do to make you less of man. Those type of guys do not get me. I want someone who wants me for me, not just because I am a natural dominant. I want a relationship, not training sessions.)
If I get cats, friends and my blog readers, I will be happy too. Happiness starts with me, I just want someone to share it with.
Main message I am a complicated dominant, and I am willing to wait for what I need and want.