This isn't going to be my usual type of post. I usually just write for me. This time I'm writing for you. This time I want you to read this.
I see a problem and I don't think I'm alone. I've sat in the chat rooms and watched. If you've been on The Cage long (or any BDsM site for that matter), then you know that there are plenty of people here who don't belong. People who are lying. People who have claimed to be something they aren't.
If you are one of these people you are going to hate me for this, but I'm going to show everyone here exactly what you are... and what you aren't. One of you has officially pissed me off.
If you new to the lifestyle, or if you aren't sure how to tell the 'fakes' from the real deal, then pay attention.
I can claim to be a king, or a self made millionaire, or a Lion Tamer, but that wouldn't automatically make it true. Just because I say I am something doesn't mean I am qualified or able to be that thing.
A ruler RULES. A self made millionaire MAKES MILLIONS. A Lion Tamer TAMES F***ING LIONS. There is only one test to see if someone is a true Dom or Domme: If they are, THEY WILL DOMINATE. They will command your respect and courtesy. They will demand your submission, and show that they are worthy of submitting to by more than just their words. They will command it with their presence and their actions. They will require it because of who they are and what they do.
Now let me be clear here: I'm not talking about someone who sends you a message out of the blue that says crap like "I'm a Dom. Kneel before me," Or "Hey, you wanna be my sex slave?" That's nothing but vocal vomit. I'm not talking about those who lie and stir up trouble for others. They are nothing but common gossips and unworthy of a better title. I'm also not talking about someone who goes around encouraging unsafe practices, or talks about doing things against their submissives will. Those that violate what is Safe, Sane and Consensual are little more than abusers, thieves, and rapists, and should be treated as such.
A submissive kneels before a true Dom(me) because they are worthy of kneeling before and they have earned the right to that submission. A slave surrenders to a true Master or Mistress because they are worthy to serve. A pup exposes him/herself to a genuine Alpa because the Alpha is dangerous, but tempered. A baby girl snuggles up to and cares for her Dady Dom because she knows he will handle her...
You can tell a true Dom from their presence and their mannerisms. A true Dom doesn't have to say he's a Dom. You KNOW he's a Dom. Its not a mask he wears, or a role he slips into in the bedroom. It's who he is 24/7. He may not always wear a suit, or leather, or whatever apparel floats your boat for your kink, but that doesn't change a damn thing.
I'm a Dom when I hold the door for the woman at the grocery store. I'm a Dom when I kiss my daughters goodnight. I'm a Dom when I laugh with my co-workers at a corny joke that isn't really as funny as we want to think it is. I'm a Dom when I take a shower, or eat my breakfast, or when I fill up my car with gasoline. I do these things to be a the kind of Dom that my submissives need me to be - to be worthy of them. It's who I am - all the time.
If you know me then I don't have to tell you I'm a Dom. It's obvious. Stating it is redundant. If a Dominant chooses to rule, they rule. They don't just talk about ruling. They aren't always harsh, or cruel, or pushy, but that's because they know that they don't have to be. Sometimes a gentle word is more effective at correction than a blow from a cane.
A true Dom(me) will never stop pushing themselves for their subs. They will never give up. They will never quit. They may sometimes be overwhelmed, or stressed, or tired, but they won't whine and complain about it for more than they need. They aren't going to whimper and throw a lengthy pity party. They may show their vulnerability for a moment, but when they have taken the moment to let it out - to satisfy the balance, they will pull up their big boy/girl panties and move the f**k on. They will "focus on the solution and not on the problem" (thanks Terry). They wont be a victim of what happens in life: they will be a survivor.
Look, for those of us who are really in this lifestyle, this isn't just a game to us. This isn't just what we do to have a good time, or to escape from our day-to-day stressors.
There's a reason it's called a 'Lifestyle.' It's how we live our LIVES.
