Abuse can happen on both sides of the Whip.
For this I am defining abuse as:
1) Use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse
2) treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.
A lot of times when a “D” type if considered abusive it is viewed as physical/psychological abuse to the extreme. This can include rape, battery, and/or isolation from support systems and family. Those can be obvious. But there are an infinite number of ways that abuse can happen. So how do we tell the difference between a protocol and abuse? Or a negotiated, consensual, structured relationship and abuse? We could say for the sake of argument, that a slave having no contact with their family as part of the consensual and negotiated relationship between themselves and their Master can actually be a healthy decision for the slave. So would that be abuse?
After watching BDSM and couples for many years I have come to conclusion that an identifier of abuse has nothing to do with negotiation, consent, or even contractual agreements.
It has everything to do with the end emotional product.
Let me elaborate:
An M/s couple negotiates, consents to, and contracts that the slave has both thumbs removed.
After the procedure the slave feels and continues to feel deeply connected to their Master and their sense of slavery. The slave goes on to serve for many happy and content years. They feel that they are able to serve better because of what they have given to their Master.
OR
After the procedure the slave feels coerced and violated. They feel that it was a mistake and instead of feeling a connection to their Master they feel resentment. The resentment only builds. They feel that this decision only detracts from their ability to serve.
Even though the act was negotiated, consented, and contracted how the people involved feel about it determines whether or not it is viewed/experienced as an abusive act.
Take that scenario and replace the concept of amputating thumbs with anything else.
The end emotional produce determines how the actions are perceived and processed.
AND perception and processing determine what is acceptable for one and what abuse is for another.
