It is not uncommon for people coming into BDSM to use caricatures as a model on how to act until they figure themselves out. These caricatures are sometimes based on our limited books/movies and extensive porn. Other times they are based on a preconceived notion of how someone with “that identity” would act. In the beginning of finding your identity having a caricature can be empowering. It can give you an idea into who you want to be. I remember my caricature as a new Dominant. The caricature I assumed was quiet, calm, and hyper vigilant. It took so much energy that I couldn’t sustain it outside of the public BDSM space, but that is when I felt I needed it.
As I have watched people over the years, I see the same caricature being played out over and over. Overly stuffy, overly stoic, emotionally unavailable, and no sense of humor… For most, over time, they drop the caricature and start being themselves. Goofy, funny, nerdy, extrovert. When people don’t drop the caricature to find themselves, then tend to do three things:
One: pressure others to be a caricature
Two: judge others based on that very limited ideal
Three: drop the identity of Master completely, for one that more easily fits who they are.
The point here is that instead of being the kind of Master that they want to be, they stop identifying as a Master because of how they feel they have to be.
Dropping a caricature means taking a big risk. You risk being labeled a faker, wanna be, poser, or whatever else other people are comfortable with you being.
Make no mistake that risk is worth everything. Being who you are in your Mastery is nothing but joyful and fulfilling.
I have gotten called a lot of things over the years. Daddy, Top, not a Master, blah blah blah. What I have found is that what others call me has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with what they need me to be.
I laugh, I fart, I have limited stoicism, and I make mmm mmm noises over really good food. I watch my love with deep love, devotion, and lust. If these things take me out of the running to be called a Master by someone else definition, that’s fine. I am not giving up who I am or what I enjoy just to act in a way that satisfies their ideal.
