Evie Lupine: THE CAGE Kinky Proust Questionnaire
Evie Lupine is an asexual kink educator and YouTuber that first began her journey into the lifestyle about 7 years ago. In that time, she’s been a 24/7 collared submissive, a petplayer, a bondage freak, and an occasional sadist. Her passion for learning as well as her diverse interests within kink naturally led her in the direction of helping others with their own discovery processes. She focuses on supporting folks developing happier, healthier relationships while separating the fantasy from the reality of doing BDSM everyday.
What is your greatest fear within a D/s dynamic?
My greatest fear within a D/s dynamic has always been the idea of losing myself. That I might get so enraptured by another person that I would become someone else just to make them happy or because they ordered me too. It's the Ship of Theseus thought experiment but for submissives: how many parts of you can be molded or changed by someone else before you're no longer your original self at all?
In what way has your interest in BDSM shaped your personality?
Participating in the BDSM community has made me a friendlier, more outgoing person. Before I got involved in BDSM I was painfully shy and always had difficulty making friends. Once I started doing kink though and going to parties, I had real friends for the first time in my life! Part of that was the environment, yes, but also kink gave me the confidence to be my truest self around other people too.
What trait do you most deplore in other kinky people?
What trait do I most deplore? Well, aside from the obvious of cheaters, liars and predators, I for one can't stand it when folks act like know-it-alls. Especially when they refuse to learn from anyone else, and act like they were born holding a golden flogger. You aren't fooling anyone with that bravado! At least not for long.
From whom did you learn the most about BDSM?
It's hard to pick one person I learned the most about BDSM from. I would probably say that Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy were the most influential, in that I read the most books from them when I was first starting in the community. Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny have given me the biggest things to think about! They do such a great job of introducing new ideas and challenging old assumptions.
What has been your biggest kinky extravagance to date?
I was once given a full body, made-to-measure purple latex catsuit. Those things don't come cheap!
What is your current state of mind in regard to BDSM?
Trying to challenge social norms inside of our community. There are so many things we just do, because that is how they have always been done. I want people to question why they hold on to certain symbols and use certain titles. Is it because it really speaks to you, or because you think you have to?
What do you consider to be the most overrated virtue in kinky people?
Existing knowledge, probably. An eager person with a curious mind, but no previous knowledge can be just as valuable as someone with 10 years of previous experience.
On what occasion would you lie to a D/s partner?
I would only lie if it was part of a consensual mindfuck scene and they knew ahead of time I might lie to them in order to get to the scene headspace we both wanted.
What technical BDSM skill have you mastered that you are most proud of?
I wouldn't say I've mastered anything yet. I'm always learning.
What is your favourite quality in a submissive?
What is your favourite quality in a dominant?
Patience and vulnerability.
What words or phrases do you most overuse in regard to BDSM?
Which ones do I overuse? Probably, "just because you enjoy something in fantasy doesn't mean you'll enjoy it in reality".
Who or what has been the greatest love of your life in kink?
bondage, bondage, bondage.
In which BDSM dynamic have you been the most fulfilled?
I'd rather not say.
What BDSM related skill would you most like to learn?
I'm forever waiting to find a class about microbranding!
If you could change one thing about your interest in BDSM, what would it be?
I'd love to be one of those mythical masochists that can transmute pain directly into sexual pleasure. That sure would make doing the scenes I enjoy doing a lot easier.
What do you consider your greatest achievement in your exploration of BDSM?
The first time my skin was ever cut open with a scalpel. The trust that took! I am not sure I could do it again.
If you could die and comeback to have a kinky experience as a different person or object, what would it be?
Living in the day of a life of a high-end professional Dominatrix would be an interesting experience, but I know far too many of them to pick a favorite here.
Where would you consider to be the perfect place to live a kinky lifestyle?
In an existing city? London or Berlin. Anywhere in the world? Probably on a private island with a complete custom island-dungeon.
What is your most treasured possession from your exploration of kink?
Either my scars, or if that doesn't count, my vintage leather dress.
As a kinky person, what do you regard as the lowest depths of misery?
Being trapped in a relationship where you can't be your genuine self.
How would you guess others would describe you as a BDSM practitioner?
An intimating encyclopedia.
What quality do you most value in your kinky friends?
A shared understanding of experience few people have.
What word or phrase do you believe to be most overused when it comes to BDSM?
"topping from the bottom". can we kill that one, please?
What is your favourite kinky book?
Conquer Me by Kacie Cunningham is deeply underrated
What is your favourite BDSM tool?
Which fictional character would you most like to have a D/s experience with?
The Iron Bull from the Dragon Age series.
As a kinky person, with which fictional character do you most identify?
I don't so much identify with a particular character, but I feel like I'd be at home in the Court of Night Blooming Flowers featured in Kushiel's Legacy, which has quite a bit of kink undertones (and overtones!)
Do you have a literary quote or piece of poetry that inspires your kinky life
What song describes your attitude towards BDSM?
Madison Beer's "Follow the White Rabbit"
What is your favourite sensory experience in a scene?
I'm definitely a touch person. I love tactile sensation. Doesn't have to be pain. I love scratchy rough floors, the feeling of warm oil, a gloved hand running through my hair. Contrast is delicious.
What is your greatest regret in regard to your exploration of BDSM?
That I didn't go to enough parties pre-COVID. So many old venues and parties are gone now, and they are likely to never come back. I wish I would have found the time to travel more, go to more conventions and retreats.
If you could die in the throes of a kinky scene, how would you like to go?
Probably during something relaxing and sensual. A nice full-body massage during a sensory deprivation scene? If I have to go, I'd want to go peacefully, floating and happy.
What is your motto?
Never stop learning.
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The original Proust Questionnaire was a series of questions answered by the French writer Marcel Proust and included in a "confessional album", a parlour game popular among Victorians. You may have seen variations of The Proust Questionnaire on the American television series, Inside The Actors Studio, or in the back pages of Vanity Fair Magazine. THE CAGE kinky version is designed to reveal something of the subject's personality and relationship with kink, fetish, and BDSM.