BDSM 101: Genital Pain Play
Pain play for the genitals? You might have also heard it referred to as "Cock and Ball Torture", "Pussy Torture", or "Genital Torture". Those don't sound like very much fun.
But you'd be surprised. Genital "torture" doesn't have to be as serious s the name implies, and a lot of kinky people enjoy some version of the "pain meets pleasure" equation.
After all, hasn't a gentle slap on your sweet spot felt good a couple of times before? What if your spanking creeps up near your genitals? That can feel pretty good too.
Why Might You Like It?
Lots of parts of sex involve a bit of pain - even for people who have never heard the word "BDSM".
Just think about some of the "vanilla" things you might do when you're really enjoying sex like hickies, biting, scratching, or squeezing. None of those are necessarily "kinky", and a lot of people end up doing them as an unexpected response or an easy way to show their partner how much they're enjoying themselves.
With that in mind, doesn't it make sense that we'd enjoy doing those very same activities - and maybe with a bit more intensity - on some of our most powerful erogenous zones?!
No one says your genital "torture" has to feel like genuine torture; just mixing in a little bit of pain with your usual pleasure can give you all of the fun of pain play on the genitals - but without the intensity or most of the risk.
This type of pain-meets-pleasure can happen on anyone with any genitals. You might focus the sensations on a clitoris - or you might choose to "attack" the labia. The shaft of the penis might be your target, or you might be after the balls. There are even some people who like to play with the "abdomen" skin directly around the genitals as a way to involve some of the same nerves without any risk to the genitals themselves.
Genital Torture Safety 101
There are a whole lot of ways to fuck up your genitals - and not in the "good" way. There's a lot of ultra-sensitive nerve endings down there in addition to the urethra. With penis-owning people, there's the potential to break (literally!) the penis or to cause torsion or twisting of the important cords within the scrotum.
It's important that you play safely!
Playing safely includes:
Open and honest communication. If you're playing with someone else, ensure no one feels pressure to do anything - and you're both okay calling it "quits" at any time. After all, pain is pain, and sometimes it can genuinely be too much! If you're playing solo, make sure you're ready to be honest with yourself and play without any set goals. Tap out at any point when things aren't fun or pleasurable anymore.
Research and education. Can you tell me the difference between the testicles and the scrotum? Do you know basic first aid - and when it's time to go to a hospital? Before doing anything beyond the basics, research into what safety hazards there are and how to best mitigate them. Whenever possible, try to learn from an in-person expert, but if that isn't possible, there may be online experts who offer their expertise and classes for a small fee.
Using sterilized and clean items. When possible, sterilize your toys. When it isn't possible, they should at least be clean. If anything is going to pierce the skin or play around areas of broken skin, it should be sterilized. The moisture of this area makes it easier to get infections, and this is not a fun place to have an infection!
Going slowly. You can avoid a lot of potential dangers by simply starting very slowly and building your way up. Don't pick up needles as your first exploration into genital torture. In the same realm, if you're ready to try needles for the first time, consider using them on the inner thighs instead of going straight for the frenulum. Start things slow to give you both time to figure out if you like the sensations and how to make it as safe and enjoyable as possible.
Beginner-Friendly Ways to Explore Pain Play for the Genitals
Dipping your toes into genital torture doesn't have to involve purchasing new drill bits. In fact, I highly, highly recommend starting easy and gently working your way into it. While a lot of people can find the sensations of pain pleasurable, you never know exactly what methods appeal to you until you give them a try.
With that in mind, these beginner-friendly ways offer fun ways to try this “painful” activity for yourself:
- Simply pat the genitals. An open-palmed, gentle "slap" on the vulva or on the shaft of the penis can be a no-equipment way to try things for the first time.
- Explore biting. Just like giving hickies, biting the genitals can bridge that gap between pain and pleasure. Give it a try for another no-cost way to explore genital pain.
- Try an ice cube or chilled dildo or penis stroker. Allow an ice cube to melt a bit at room temperature, and then press it onto the genitals. Despite simply being a piece of ice, it can feel like a knife - and offer a shockingly effective way to "torture" the genitals. Just make sure to move it around often to avoid accidentally giving yourself mild frostbite.
- "Straddle" something uncomfortable. There's nothing that says you have to apply anything to the genitals to get some sensations of genitorture. Instead, have the person straddle something uncomfortable - like the edge of a table, a spanking horse, or uncomfortably thin arm of a couch. Especially as the person rests more and more weight on top of the straddled area, this can toe the line between pain and pleasure.
- Use "nipple" clamps on the genitals. As long as your nipple clamps can be sterilized, they can pull double-duty between the thighs - and you might already have a set at home. Simply use the clamps on the genitals instead of the nipples. Just make sure to follow the same safety standards as you would for nipple play!
- Wear extra-tight underwear - especially thongs. Have you ever felt the unpleasant feel of underwear that's much-too-tight? You can easily replicate that for genital torture purposes too! That extra-tight fit might also provide the pressure on the frenulum or clitoris to feel pleasurable, too, so it's a double-edged sword!
- Give ball stretching a go. You can simply cup above the balls and give them a nice tug, or you can explore the realm of manufacturer-crafted ball stretchers out there to do it for you. Stick with gentle, lighter options to reduce the intensity.
- Try orgasm torture. While not directly related, this kink is adjacent to genital torture. Simply give your partner (it's hard to have the self-control to do it to yourself!) an orgasm, and don't end the stimulation once they've had their orgasm. The stimulation will now be extremely intense and probably even unpleasant. Welcome to an easy and safe way to "torture" your partner!
Other ways that people might explore genital torture would include genital pumping, needle play, electrosex options, wax play, caning, bondage, ballbusting, spiked toys and cock rings, crotch rope, genital weights, fisting, urethral sounding, CBT boards, and more. However, these activities fall outside of the scope of beginner, and they offer much higher risks of injury.
Mistress Kay lives in the world of sexuality and kink. With a house that's quickly running out of space for things that aren't sex books and sex toys, she spends what free time she has writing femdom help articles (http://kinky-world.net/category/bdsm-advice/femdom-advice/), trying the latest and greatest in sex toys, and exploring the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World (http://kinky-world.net/).