THE CAGE Recommends: Kink Essentials for Your Toy Bag

First discovering the world of kink is like being dropped off in an overwhelming toy store. You want everything, and at the same time, all the other shoppers around you are telling you that you need everything if you want the best experience. 

It's overwhelming, it's exciting, and honestly, it's pretty rough on your budget. It's really easy to get swept up in the arousal and excitement of BDSM, buying more things that you really actually "need".

In fact, pretty much every practiced kinkster will be able to point to a few toys in their collection and go "Ehh, I didn't really need this." Whether it's a kink they weren't really into or an impulse buy that never actually provided the stimulation that it promised to do at first glance, every kinky person has a few items they rarely ever use.

So what IS important to own? 

I'm glad you asked. ;) I recommend:

A Basic Bondage Method

There are a lot of ways to make bondage happen. It can be tempting to try them all, and if you want, go right ahead! But when you're first building your toybox, you don't need all of them. In fact, some of them (like rope bondage) are just downright hostile to beginners. (Rope bondage requires learning safe ties. When used without that knowledge, rope can be extremely dangerous!)

Instead, pick a single bondage method that appeals to you, and add that bondage method to your toybox.

For most kinky people, I'd recommend a set of four easy-on cuffs and a collar with a leash. Ideally, you want all of these five items to have at least one D-ring or O-ring on them that allows you to contact each piece to one another (or your furniture) to expand your bondage positions.

Cuffs are fast to put on, don't require specialized knowledge, and can be lightweight and easy to store. Even if you choose to purchase more specialized bondage methods in the future, your cuffs can still stick around as your quick go-to option when you need something fast. 

Important note: If your bondage method includes bondage rope, saran wrap, or other hard-to-escape items, you must have a pair of safety shears in your kit too. These skin-friendly scissors make it easy to remove bondage in a hurry in case of an emergency. They're also super cheap too!

A Blindfold

You wouldn't think it, but a blindfold is a powerful workhorse in a kinkster's playbox. Blindfolds instantly remove the sense of sight, making every other sense a little bit more powerful. Without the ability to watch what is happening, a blindfold builds anticipation. 

And guess what? The more someone is anticipating something, the more intense it will feel when it actually happens. ;)

This makes a blindfold a really helpful piece of your BDSM tool box. It can be used with virtually any scene imaginable, and it costs next to nothing.

Most blindfolds feature an elastic band that stretches around the back of the head. This can work just fine. However, if you plan on regularly using this with someone who has elaborate hairstyles, you may prefer to look for a blindfold that has a buckle fastener to reduce friction on the hair. 

A Basic Spanking Method

Spanking - or the threat of spanking - is a big focus for a lot of kinky play. Having some way to spank your partner or simply look like you will (if you're both into that!) can be a hot visual and sensation. 

You can go wild with this, picking up enough spanking toys to make your own museum, but that's not something you need when you're first starting. 

I recommend starting with a simple, basic, double-sided paddle. This provides two sensations in an easy-to-handle design that's pretty simple to store too. 

Riding crops are pretty easy to wield, but their longer lengths are harder to store. Canes are equally long, and their sensations can be really intense. Floggers can feel fantastic, but they also have a learning curve to safely wield them. 

A paddle is the easiest and safest toy to wield, and it can fit into most drawers or storage bags with ease. 

Of course, you can also use your hand for spankings, but many kinksters like to have a kinky toy or two to reduce pain on the hands and to add an erotic visual to play. 

A Basic First Aid Kit

Accidents happen. Something as simple as a scratch of a nail (that draws blood) can derail your play if you don't have an adhesive bandage to put on it. Otherwise, you might accidentally stain your kink gear (or lingerie!) with unintended blood. 

A basic first aid kit helps you respond to any at-home cuts or scrapes. In an emergency setting, we'd also want your first aid kit to provide intermediary care before the professionals arrive (such as wound packing).

Before enjoying any play, you should also make sure there's a phone nearby (in case you need to call emergency services). 

Make sure you know how to use the items within your first aid kit as well. At a bare minimum, if you haven't trained on the items, pop a few laminated "how-to" guides inside of the kit to help you handle an emergency if it pops up. 

Important note: Your first aid kit should reflect the play YOU do. If you're someone who plays with niche kinks (like electrosex or fire play) or does intense impact play (that often breaks the skin), you'll want more than a basic first aid kit. If you often break skin, ensure you have ways to keep the wounds clean and safe afterwards. If electrical burns might happen, ensure you have ways to treat them. 

Aftercare Supplies

Heavy, sweaty sex mixed with the high of kinky endorphins can feel amazing - but it also can leave you feeling depleted as soon as the scene is "over".

That's why people also recommend having a few aftercare supplies in your bag. This will look different for every person. 

In general, if you're going for the bare basics, having water and an easy-to-snack food can help both of you come down after you're done playing. Make sure you're aware of a play partner's allergens or food preferences before packing something.

Safer Sex Supplies and Toys

Does your kink overlap with sex? If so, you'll want to make sure you have condoms, lubes, and any other safer sex items. 

This can include sex toys that you enjoy too! 

To avoid getting any leather fuzzies onto the surface of your sex toys, consider keeping your toys in plastic food baggies. This should help keep any errant lint off the lint-seeking surface of your toys. 

It's okay if BDSM and kink isn't sexual for you. Sex items aren't something you have to include – but they are something you'll be upset about if you don't include it if you want it!

Don't Forget: Clean your Gear!

It's easy to forget that BDSM gear needs cleaning just like your clothes. In fact, I'd say some of your BDSM gear handles a lot more "sweating" than your average pair of pants. ;) 

Because of this, make sure you clean your gear on a regular basis. 

The exact cleaning routine you should follow will depend on what the gear is and what it's made out of. If possible, follow the manufacturer's instructions for cleaning. This can help prevent issues if you're unsure what material your item is made from.

As a general rule, though:

• Leather items: Leather can not be cleaned with traditional soap and water. Use leather cleaner and polishers to keep leather in good shape. Because leather can be impossible to sanitize, leather items that come in contact with transmissable bodily fluids should not be shared between partners who do not consent to that sharing. 

• Microfiber, Felt, or Nylon items: These can traditionally be cleaned with a standard, mild household soap and left out to dry. They can usually be soaked in a soapy bath for a thorough clean without harming the material. 

• Faux Leather items: Faux leather should "generally" only be spot cleaned as needed, avoiding soaking the material in liquids or water. As "faux leather" materials can be a variety of different material blends, reading what the manufacturer recommends is extra-important here. In general, it can be spot cleaned with a damp washcloth and a mild soap.

• Faux Fur items: Especially common in cuffs and paddles, faux fur can only be spot cleaned with a light bit of soap and water. It should never be soaked. Make sure to fluff up the faux fur after cleaning to reduce any flattening of the furry texture. Over time, lots of cleaning of faux fur can remove the fur's softness, so many people consider faux fur to be fluid bonded and avoid using it for play that will require cleaning afterwards. (Spanking on a butt that's wearing a pair of panties vs spanking directly onto a bare butt covered in lube.)

• Nylon/Synthetic/Cotton Ropes: These ropes can be washed with soap and water. Many manufacturers recommend a specific method for drying your wet rope, however, so I recommend looking that up. 

• Natural (Hemp/Jute) Ropes: These should NEVER come in regular contact with standard household soaps, and they can require an expert's touch if you plan to let them touch water. If you spent the money for these luxury, natural materials, look what your manufacturer recommends for cleaning. Because of the soap and water restrictions, natural fiber ropes that come in contact with bodily fluids should not be shared between partners who are not fluid bonded. Generally, kinksters consider synthetic ropes the better choice for ropes that will regularly need to be cleaned. 

Keeping your gear clean extends itself lifespan. It also makes your gear look more welcoming to play with (what's more gross than sex toys that look dirty?), and it can prevent the transmission of bacteria or infections. 

So, make sure you clean your gear regularly! 

Mistress Kay lives in the world of sexuality and kink. With a house that's quickly running out of space for things that aren't sex books and sex toys, she spends what free time she has writing femdom help articles ( http://kinky-world.net/category/bdsm-advice/femdom-advice/ ), trying the latest and greatest in sex toys, and exploring the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at https://kinky-world.net/ .

All THE CAGE Magazine articles, including this one, were written without the use of AI.