I am shocked: After one week in a relationship she shares her fetish.

Allie Kat​(sub trans woman){DarkFox} • Jan 22, 2019

@idontunderstand

Well, continuing to assume that you /want/ to make this work, i have some hopefully helpful advice. First, she may never change, and that is ok. Im going to use my relationship as an example. I am pansexual and i am poly-friendly. My wife is strongly monogymous. So i am in a monogymous-strait relationship, despite my desires. I do this willingly because what is important to me is how truly she loves me. My wife knows all about this and we at least talk about it sometimes, but it is accepted that she may never change her mind and that it is entirely ok, just as it is ok that i don't change.

Now, im not saying that is where your relationship is /currently/ but it really depends on what is important to the both of you. If the relationship and love is all that is important to you, but the sex is all that is important to her, it might be difficult or impossible to negotiate. That is not a failure on either of you, it is just who you are and you are different.

All that being said, it is /absolutely/ possible that you two fall into a /sustainable/ compromise which is satisfying for you both. Both of your desires and tastes can and will evolve and change over time, this can make it better or worse, but how you deal with that really depends on what is important to each of you.

Don't /expect/ or /depend on/ change. However, do /accept/ change as it comes.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jan 23, 2019

Sorry for the delay (I'm unwell awaiting surgery in two days so a little sporadic with logging in ATM)

what I'm asking: is if you choose and consent to her way/style of love making/sex/BDSM (100%), can you forgo your way/style of love making/sex for the rest of your life? Because boiled down and all the fresh stripped from your problem, it does come down to "doing something (BDSM)you don't overly enjoy and missing out (for life) on what you do enjoy (sex your way)" That is a huge self sacrifice. If this was reversed and a sub was asking..How do I make my partner Dom me? we would all be yelling, you cant! they need to want to do it for themselves FIRST!

I asked this because as MasterBear pointed out, you will have forgo some ingrained and natural wants and needs that you have so you can met her needs (as your not hard wired to her BDSM interests: her being submissive, that will put her under your care and direction, in a world your trying to understand and openly admit doesn't overly turn you on. You'd be responsible 100% for all her needs, wants and desires) . Neither of you should have to forgo anything you want/need. Its not fair on you or her. Before I get flamed by the other posters here: I know its not a perfect world and no one gets what they want 100% but how long can YOU continue to do something that isn't ornate to who you are? And again it gets me to the same point....How long till your needs are important, more so than hers. How long till who you are and who you are hard wired to be, surfaces and wants his time. To use the dreaded word..How long till you long for a vanilla lifestyle?

Granted no one ever gets their sex life 100% as they want it but you are talking about melding and combining two different styles (vanilla and kink or even possibly true Fetish) You need (as does she) to be one percent sure you are (both) willing to sacrifice parts of your core being.
in a not so perfect world you could both meet in the middle, you both could sacrifice needs and wants but again....How long till that sacrifice you'd BOTH have to make turns into resentment. This is something only you and her can answer. I cant and wont answer that for you. Personally I hope you can find middle ground. there are ways of finding balance in anything...if you want it bad enough

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jan 23, 2019

I hit the post and was missing half a thought (I'm blaming my pain meds )

I'm old fashion and a "glass half full" kinda gal. If LOVE is in this situation...then some times anything is possible. We tend to look at things differently then too.
Also...
You do have other things you could also ponder, such as being poly? I came at this with a non poly mind set and I don't think anyone has mentioned or asked your stance on this. Others, could potentially fill the gaps if you are both open that.