Q(?) for the Doms/Masters/Daddys

Q(?) for the Doms/Masters/Daddys

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Jan 23, 2019

I pondered long and hard about how to word this question, or if I should even ask at all. I haven’t figured out a good way to present it but my desire to read the answer (s)outweighed my concern for the public perception that may be applied to me. Before you answer, please read my entire post so you can understand the basis for the question as the question alone could have many meanings.

I’m interested to know, with the most honest and self-reflective answers possible, does a submissive’s physical appearance effect how you treat her?

Clarification: I am not asking if you are cruel to someone who you find less attractive than someone else. What I am asking is more along the lines of… does a pretty, innocent looking face, get a submissive more leeway (even just sometimes) than you’d give a sub who is either more sensual in appearance or one who you find less attractive? Or another example… when you chat with someone online and the conversation starts to dwindle down, are you more apt to keep pushing the conversation and trying to bring it back to life if the submissive is a 10 rather than a 6 on your own personal scale of beauty?

I’m not sure if my explanation for why I am asking will help elaborate or veer the conversation off topic so I’ll just leave it at that for now.

While your instinct is probably to simply answer no, I ask that you really consider your answer and past experiences before you reply.

Thank you in advance for your responses ?

Performer​(dom male) • Jan 23, 2019

I have not found appearance to be a factor in any of these things. I won't deny that it may have an effect on initial contact. However, I can honestly say that interactions are based on the connection, dynamic, and personality of the sub. Not all subs are treated the same, but they're all treated as best fits them to my best ability.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 23, 2019

Of course it does. Appearance ALWAYS matters.

Because of My loves dark skin D types assume she has thicker skin that can take more pain, harder pain, and cant be marked.


Oy


Body size is a huge issue in BDSM.

Communities tend to validate and treasure young, thin, white women over all other appearances.


Larger bodies are generally less publically desirable.
But highly desired behind closed doors.

Advertisements for BDSM never portray larger bodies and rarely portray POC bodies.

Appearance matters.

And it matters to all of us.
And THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

I prefer full figured to ssbbw s types.
I perfer POC, Trans, and alt bin s types.


I will not play with unkempt s types.
I will not play with body shaming s types.
I will not play with s types with no self confidence.
I will not play with s types who do not do self care or bathe.
I will not play with s types that dress poorly. Not from lack of funds, but from lack of confidence.


Appearance matters and it matters to everyone.
The social construct of the value of appearance is engrained in all of us. Some of us drop that in light that we need other things to attract us. Some of us dont.

When people say that looks dont matter I call bullshit.


I remember this unofficial study being passed about.

It's an interesting read about how appearance changes how MD's treat a patient:


https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2016/04/04/do-blacks-feel-less-pain-than-whites-their-doctors-may-think-so/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.7ad310da2ab8

JohnBond​(dom male){Kitten} • Jan 23, 2019

Great question,

I think typically physical appearance has some bearing on how people interact as a general rule. For example some people you may find immediately more approachable and some people it may take group activities or specific required / forced interactions to get to know.

As far as the dynamic between Dom and Sub (in my personal opinion of course), once connection is established, I don't think that appearance should be a large factor. I think that usually you meet someone and once you start building the mutual respects, interests, and finding chemistry that the typical dynamics will fall into place. That is that if you have a strong Dom who knows what they like, I would venture to say that they would probably treat most every sub the same with differences of course based on subs preferences and requests.

I suppose a shorter answer is that I personally think, in a relationship that has good chemistry and foundation, that the instinct would take over and you would be inclined to treat a "more attractive" and "less attractive" sub the same.

That's just specifically how I feel it relates to Dom Sub relationships though, I do think most people develop types, some prefer darker or lighter skin in a partner, more or less curves. I do think that if you have a type you would be more inclined to establish connections, or deeper connections, with those people that you find attractive in the first place.

I hope that's fairly clear! It's early

Satindragon{Not Lookin} • Jan 23, 2019

Maybe I shouldn't respond but from a subs point of view maybe you should ask yourself the question in reverse. The questions applies on both sides of the coin.

We all develop a vision of the person we want to connect with. Some people are superficial and only care about certain looks or body types. Others are looking for the connection of heart and mind with looks being secondary. What type of person are you looking for? Be comfortable in your own skin. Then seek out someone who will appreciate you as an individual.

A lot of folks really like a confident full figured partner. We are all unique. We do not all have to fit into a cookie cutter mold of others perceptions of what we should be.

Take your time and learn about the lifestyle. Enjoy your journey.

Misanthrope • Jan 23, 2019

Good morning, Kitten,

I'm not sure, but I think you're asking two different things, so there would be two different answers.

First, you asked if physical appearance mattered in how a dom treats a sub. To that question, my answer would an emphatic, "no." In the context of this question, the sub is already subjugated to the dom, so her appearance isn't a factor any longer. She's his.

Then, however, you drifted to, "chatting with a sub and the conversation dwindles," so this would suggest that there isn't any relationship between the two people and they are just getting to know one another. In this instance, yes, a person's physical appearance plays a large role. It would be the same in any relationship, D/s or vanilla. If you are not physically attracted to someone, you don't have the desire to keep a conversation going that you know won't lead anywhere, relationship-wise.

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Jan 23, 2019

Thank you for your answers! The question plagued me because my idea of a dominant is one who exhibits extreme self control and typically has very specific ideas of what behavior is acceptable from a subsmissive and they don’t shy away from clearly laying those parameters. Often when I begin conversing with a dominant they exhibit those qualities.

Then, once pictures are exchanged, their demeanor usually changes. The once casually collected dominant becomes pushy and overly eager, sometimes even obsessive; opposing behavior to the qualities I had found so attractive.

It makes me wonder, if I continued on with those potential relationships, would my innocent dough eyes (which I love to give my Sir) or “pretty face” get me a softer hand during punishments and scenes? My hopeful answer is no (as I enjoy a heavy hand and deviant mind during scenes). I was just curious for Dom’s thoughts on this.

DeadDaddy​(dom male) • Jan 23, 2019

I think that the most knockout gorgeous sub that I find personally ideal or desireable to me (my own particular preferences, because everyone is different) can change my view of them based on their behavior. I think poor performance and not ideal behavior or commitment to the dynamic will change my level of attraction. That’s just me though. Of course we want the ideal image we have conjured in our minds but if they are not a dynamical match then there really is no point. And the reverse is true. Someone that may not be in my top ideal for esthetiques can change my view of them as more attractive based on their behavior, and they become more attractive. I want the beauty of the dynamic to grow as our bodies wither. As far as how they are treated by me I think consistency is key regardless of their physical appearance. That being said you still have the circumstances of life to consider, if this is a long term dynamic? will there be children that change someone’s body from where they were? Grey hair? Weight gain? Looks change, people get older and personally if the person is the ideal person in my dynamic I would stand by their side and enjoy the beauty of every wrinkle and grey hair as we made them together. To each their own.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Jan 24, 2019

Just wanted to give my input . Though i maybe a sub and all. I feel that beauty ALWAYS comes from the inside of one.

So to me,even though others have said and believe that looks matter when it comes to being important and a connection being formed while chatting . i dont feel or think this is true at all. YES we all have wat we prefer as far as looks and such, be it color of eyes,color of hair , body size ect...
But if when getting to know the person you or anyone focuses on just that. And possibly waits to share pics then u end up being attracted to whats on the inside and the outside doesnt matter as muchor at all ( as far as looks).

For example: i have a very good friend who always dated guys that were clean cut( short hair, no facial hair) gym rats. Until she met a long haired guy with no facail hair, who was inshape but not a gym rat. she wasnt attracted him at first but over time she got to know his soul and she fell head over heels . so now 8 yrs later they are married and expecting their 2 nd child.
While is a vanilla relationship, i feel the same can be head true in this world also.

Just my two cents.

Hawkeye • Jan 24, 2019

No dominant would ever allow physical beauty to alter his interactions with his submissive. Truth be told your doe eyes would only bring about a more severe punishment as you are clearly trying to manipulate your dominant and you have much to learn.