Labels/pet names

Labels/pet names

Persici • Jan 31, 2019

Hi all! Very new to this...

I'm having a difficult time with the pet names, the labels, and am curious what words you use? Can you "do this" without the use of pet names?
Most of my disconnect is the fact that the words I've learned illicit a strong feeling of distaste. Daddy, baby, and girl are words I use in daily parenting so they are already "in use" if you will. I have ever only used the word Sir in response to my elders especially my grandfather who I was incredibly close with. I do not wish to entertain being called a slut.

Can't I be submissive in nature and action without needing to be referred to as something? Help!
Please be kind...I'm learning.

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Jan 31, 2019

Absolutely you can be a part of the lifestyle and never use names/titles!

My husband and I don't. He refers to me as "Mistress" on here, though outside of this site, he doesn't do so. And it's just something he chose to call me, I never forced him to or asked for it. I don't really use names for him, other than the normal couple names like baby or sweetheart or love.

It's all about /you/, and what /you're/ comfortable with. As well as your partner. Though, if you're not comfortable with something, your partner shouldn't force you to do it just because they like it.

So by all means, don't use titles or names! Nothing wrong with that.

BlissfulDaze​(sub female){DaddysRetu} • Jan 31, 2019

I personally love calling my DaddyDom Daddy. Whenever I haven't been able too for whatever reason, I've felt a deep hole in our communication. But that being said, My Daddy and I have scrolls of nicknames for each other. MoonDaddy, Sunshine, PapaBear and BabyBear...many more and more being made everyday.
Saying his ACTUAL name always feels strange. But that doesn't mean I spend all day spewing Daddies....well...sometimes I do.
We have decided that on serious matters where he is giving me specific instructions that I will respond with "Yes Daddy".
He knows when I'm feeling peeved I use Sir.
You and your partner get to decide all this yourselves in your dynamic. Because it is unique to you two.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 31, 2019

You can choose no honorific.

That's up to you.


Not everyone does
I am Master, Sir, Bear, and Punkin

ropefish • Jan 31, 2019

As everyone else has said, do what feels right for you.

I'd just like to add that usually in my dynamics, a unique name has evolved naturally through the connection. Something related to a mutual hobby or a special experience between the two of us. As an example, in my first ever committed dynamic I was submitting to someone from inland, and I'm from the coast. He took to calling me his shoregirl, and it became a special thing between the two of us, that only he could call me.

I prefer things like that to having predetermined titles, personally. I think having something just between you and the person you serve makes it more significant and more powerful.

That said, just do what makes you the happiest.

MasterBrads painpet​(sub female){OWNED} • Feb 1, 2019

I'm new too but I felt that way at the very beginning. I was online and texting. I would always send a morning text he demanded Master after the good morning/evening. But the times I didn't use it I felt I was disrespectful to his position. When he talked to me he would use slave or good girl even my pet. When he didn't use those I actually thought he was upset with me. To me it's intimate that your Dom cares about you to think of a special way to address you. When he uses them I know he is pleased. Being new I've been told many times the sub has control because we can stop anything that doesn't feel right to us.

I wish you the best. You are on a great site where if you listen pay attention you will learn alot. People are wonderful. Read blogs even write blogs and do forums. Enjoy your journey I'm sure you will be happy

Lexxa​(sub female) • Feb 1, 2019

Everyone else has essentially summed it up well. I’m also fairly new and this was a question I had lingering in the back of my mind when I began researching. After some time observing and learning I’ve discovered it really just comes down to the dynamic of the specific relationship you’re a part of.

I have a non traditional partnership currently that’s a little unique. He knows I’m currently trying to learn Japanese so for us we’ve been using Senpai and kohai to address one another if we’re doing a scene.

Feel free to use whatever feels right to you and your partner. I’ve noticed in most cases if you decide to use any titles or names they’ll generally naturally surface as you get to know each other.

Miss Magdalena​(sub female){FreeSpirit} • Feb 1, 2019

It has also been my experience that "Pet/Unique names" develop over time. I have found that if it doesn't come from the heart, it doesn't feel fluid or right for me. That being said, some people need the structure behind honorific titles to get them in that "mind space' where they feel connected.

This is really all about what works for you and the person you're with. You are certainly no less the sub you were before, we all have limits, and they are all different.

Bunnie • Feb 2, 2019

Hi @ Persici,

“Can't I be submissive in nature and action without needing to be referred to as something? Help!”

Absolutely!
Like everyone else has said, it’s your choice. I can remember the time I was first asked to call someone “Daddy” I laughed and said “no way buddy” lol. Same with “Master.” So my first point is that you’re definitely not alone in feeling that way. I think many people have been there, and thought that. And you’re in no way obligated to call anyone anything, or to be called anything either. It’s all about agreement and consent. It’s got nothing to do with “subbiness.”

Something else I would like to point out however, is to also try to remain open and flexible to the possibility that your concepts may change over time... and that is ok too. I now have very few titles or honorifics that make me uncomfortable, and have kind of gone the opposite... I’m happy to respect whatever someone likes to be called, when it comes to a person I have a lot of respect for in general. So don’t be alarmed if at some point, you find yourself suddenly wanting to use a title with someone you’ve clicked with.

Like mentioned by a few others, for myself, the urge for those things, and the type of title, comes naturally over time and getting to know each other.

Another point I would like to make, is to keep in mind that sometimes (I have personally experienced this), in the offline community, there are hierarchical titles that have been earned within the community (this happens a lot in the leather community). Titles like Master are taken very seriously. Although some still can be, a lot of these are not self-declared titles... they have been earned within the community through respect and diligence. So at times like that, I use titles with others who may not be my Sir/Master, out of respect.