D/S relationship in public places

D/S relationship in public places

a94rp​(sub male) • Feb 20, 2019

I really want to know your opinion / experience on this subject, as there is a difference in how people act outdoors.
Some say that they prefer to act as a normal couple hiding everything, others seek humiliation, testing the limits of their sub (eg, asking to masturbate under the table of a restaurant), and some try discreet dominations like wearing the necklace in public or a leather harness under clothes.
So, how should the outdoor D / S relationship be handled?

DrWakko • Feb 20, 2019

I think it all depends on the public place. I've been to Leather events where people walk down public streets wearing their Leathers with various patches which give away the fact they are Leather. I've been to areas of San Francisco and "Boys Town" in LA where people walk down the street flagging their kinks. I've also been in public events where the only way you know someone is into D/s or M/s is by watching. They show no signs of being kinky.

If you are wondering how to act or what to wear when in public the best answer is: where and say what you feel comfortable wearing or doing.

BDSM DOM​(dom male) • Feb 20, 2019

Honestly speaking not everyone sticks to a certain type of behavior inside the home as well as outside the home. It really depends on the people involved, where the location is, as well as what is worn. There is many factors to consider in what is and what is not done. I personally find out of home naughtyness something fun. I am hoping my answer helps. Have a good day

ropefish • Feb 20, 2019

I've been recently thinking about this topic, as I have a tendency to wear dog collars in public.

I once submitted to someone who wouldn't engage in any obviously kinky behavior in public, on the grounds that the public did not consent to that kind of thing. And it made sense to me at the time and I just went with it.

But, while I do wear my collars partially because I genuinely like the fashion, I can't deny that part of why I wear them is to express my submission. So I started to ask myself, am I forcing non-consenting strangers into my kinks by wearing collars?

After self reflection the answer I got was no. I'm not forcing anyone to *do* anything. I'm just doing what makes me happy, and living my true self in a public place. And in regards to offending people, I'd argue that there are plenty of potentially offensive vanilla things out there too, like wearing booty shorts or holding hands with someone of the same gender. Life isn't a bubble or a safe space. The way I see it, by being in public *at all* you're consenting to potentially seeing other people's shenanigans lol.

Now to clarify, I am referring to things like following protocols, wearing collars, or using titles. I do think blatantly sexual behavior is a bit different because you'd potentially be forcing someone into the role of voyeur without their consent. But BDSM is not inherently sexual, so I think expressing the nature of a bdsm relationship should not be automatically taboo.

...and after all, vanilla couples get to gross everybody out with mushy pet names and pda. I'm just saying, I think we deserve that right too. xD

DrWakko • Feb 20, 2019

@nawazakana: the difference between a collar and a choker is what you call it. Yes there are some collars that will be a tougher sell as a choker than others.

curiouskittyy​(sub female)​{GentlemanX} • Feb 20, 2019

I couldn’t agree more. We are all exposed to different types of relationships, religions and even kinks that we might not necessarily agree with. But why should others stop being them on our behalf? We can always choose to walk away.

So if you want to wear your dog collars in public. Then do it! If someone has an issue with it, then they are free to turn around and walk away from it.

hiraethslave​(sub female)​{unavailabl} • Feb 20, 2019

I'm going to hop back to the original question "So, how should the outdoor D / S relationship be handled?"
*should* it should be handled within the limits of the couple involved. Now how *would* I handle it?
First, I tend to but kink and D/s into two very different boxes. The above answers mostly have to do with kink. I'm going to address the stated question D/s.
In public I am exactly the same as i am 90% of the time at home. it's all about polite quiet respect. I tend to be very cussed on my Dominant, all eyes on him. My best friend/one time Sir asked me once if I was even aware of x thing, I replied honestly, no... I was entirely focused on you. He says I get "googly eyed". I tend to be a bit quieter, but my facial expressions are very open. I have no wall or mask up. I tend to be very attuned to his body language and react to it, whatever that means for the situation, be it to be more physically affectionate, or not. I also tend to wait, allow him to be the first to speak. my gait changes as does my pace of walking. Yes, when I am in a relationship, I prefer to wear a day collar though it is usually clear it is a collar of consideration or training. Types of collars have meaning. I had never intended to accept more than one slave collar/ownership.
Lastly, I take any direction as an order. If I'm told x thing, I do x thing without hesitation. I would never ask him to have to debate, discuss, or wait in public. It should be seamless, it should not need to draw attention.

Now, kink in public is another matter. I do not engage in overt kink in public. Discrete kink, yes, but overt no. Kink is something I will not discuss on open forum. The concept here is very much the same as the person who stated that the public can not consent. I agree. Unless you are in a place where consent is understood and you can guarantee children will not be present. NO. Hard limit. However, if it is something that should be able to be hidden *yes, please.*

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 20, 2019

Muggles won't consent to kink in their faces, so don't do it in their face, don't ever force it on someone who has not consented to it. Muggles deserve respect too.

So never do a scene in a public place, never make others who have not consented feel uncomfortable. Never have sex in a public space as that is against the law in most countries, and I am sure other stuff may fall under some laws as well. Covert stuff that no one can know about, that isn't obvious is fine, as long as it can't make others uncomfortable or requires their consent. Never ever involve muggles or others in a scene when they have not and can not and would not consent to it.

Collars and chokers are another thing, many Goths/Cyber Goths, Punks, Fashionistas wear such in the open its part of their culture and most muggles will accept that so I think place and culture specific its ok. Outside of that in the professional, Corporate world what will be ok/acceptable will very much depend on that worlds rules and guides as to what is acceptable and what isn't. Same with other places, spaces and culture. In saying all that I think High Fashion has made many Fetish/BDSM themed items linked into high fashion more acceptable, if its on trend, so I think more can be got away with, but keep in mind that what might not raise eyes in Paris, London, LA etc might in down town rural conservative areas.

Its a matter of common sense I think, mixed in with what is appropriate in regards to place, time and the space. However consent must I feel always be the guide., between parties involved and the wider world.

SevenSeven • Feb 20, 2019

I think it is important to keep kinks and fetishes in appropriate spaces and not bring them out into general public spaces and thereby involve people in scenes they aren’t consenting to. Obviously, there are some grey areas (if the kink is discrete) but if I’m in a parking lot of a grocery store with a child and see a man leading a woman around on a leash, that’s inappropriate and we didn’t consent to that. If you have a roommate, you’re not going to walk around naked in the living room or cook naked. But you would do that in your room or your bathroom. Because your room is a private space and your kitchen is a shared space. But you could be discrete and wear a butt plug while cooking in the kitchen.

I think it’s just important to be respectful of the people around you when it comes to sex, kink or anything in public.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 20, 2019

I do not agree that being out in public is consent.

I do not consent to watching rape, robbery, a child getting hit and/or a myriad of other behaviors.


It is my belief that BDSM can be done successfully in public and consent still be honored.


But-- the emphasis has to be on consent.

Text is a great way to do that.
At a table and the D type wants you to masturbate. Text.
BUT- you better not have some 16 year old kid working part time as a weekend closer cleaning your jizz from under the table.