Finding a mentor - Dom

Finding a mentor - Dom

Venator81 • Mar 4, 2019

New to the BDSM lifestyle. We've been together for 25 years and after reading a previous post, we agree it's not too late to start.
I know that I would like to better learn the role of a Dom and my partner would like to see me fulfill this as well. She is also interested in learning what it means to truly be a good sub. We're new, but open to learning. Where can I go to find someone willing to mentor me as a Dom? We are serious about adding this to our relationship, but want to make sure it is done properly and not some '50 shades' movie scene that feels fake or forced since neither of us have the necessary experience.

Devil's damsel​(sub female){HandsomeDe} • Mar 4, 2019

I love this!!! So many see being mentored as a weakness. This is already a great step at being an amazing Dom to your sub. I hope more follow your lead.

Re: Finding a mentor - Dom

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Mar 4, 2019

Do you have any local munches (met up over drink or food/no play) in your area? these are often a good source for either a mentor, meeting like minded or asking questions on just what is available in your local area. While not the only place, it does make for a good start or a point int he right direction. Best of luck as you move forward. High Fives to you both!

MasterBear​(other butch) • Mar 4, 2019

https://www.the-iron-gate.com/munches/28



And ppl are always open to questions here.

Congrats and WELCOME !!

DrWakko • Mar 4, 2019

I suggest going to a munch and play parties. Find people (yes plural) who do things you are interested in. Ask them for advice or to mentor you.

Having multiple mentors allows you to learn what works for you and not just one way of doing it. Plus it is rare for one person to have the exact same likes and interests as you.

Also when it comes to mentors the unofficial rule is this: no mentor should bring sexual tension to the mentor / mentee relationship.

Also it’s a good idea for the mentor to be on the same side of the slash as then mentee. This doesn’t mean that a submissive can’t offer advice to a Dom or a Dom offer advice to a submissive. Advice is different than mentoring.

Bunnie • Mar 4, 2019

Hi @ Venator81

Like dd, I too am always impressed by Doms like yourself who step up and openly seek to better themselves... much respect... to both you and your sub

If it’s ok, I would like to share a suggestion. Much like anything, when you’re looking to learn... talk to as many different people as possible. There are sooooooo many different opinions and dynamics and ways of doing things. Find those who’s opinions you respect and who’s “ways” resonate with you... that’s who I would ask to mentor you, or if that’s not an option, perhaps they can offer suggestions of people they respect etc.

To a degree, online reputation is through word-of-mouth... however... remember it’s people behind a keyboard, so observe their behaviour, read responses to blogs and forums, and listen to what your gut tells you. In the offline community, reputation through word-of-mouth is a huge factor. In that sense it’s a lot easier to find a genuine, experienced Mentor... however, it is still important to observe and ask around and also listen to your gut.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you both, I wish you a safe and enjoyable journey of exploration together

SnappyJ​(sub female){Collared} • Mar 4, 2019

Husband and i were in a similar position. We spent a lot of time looking/reading posts here on Cage, and then I reached out to a few Doms asking if they'd be willing to mentor us. Fortunately, our first ask and our first choice responded favorably, and he was a fabulous mentor.

Of course mentor means different things to different people, and for our needs, an online willing and helpful resource was all we needed.

Good luck!