Collars

Satindragon{Not Lookin} • Apr 29, 2019

@Bunnie
That was a nice read Bunnie. Thanks for sharing.

Savida​(other female) • Apr 29, 2019

I tend to be of the “it signifies serious commitment, whatever that means to the people involved” crowd.

One thing I don’t see represented here is the idea that one can be collared and poly. Because you can. I know a lot of people in my local community that are married to one person, collared by another and have other relationships as well.

I think that’s why I’m not fan of the “it’s a kinky wedding ring” philosophy, because it just maps kinky symbols onto the same relationship escalator model that I very Intentionally don’t participate in and that many of the kinksters I know in my local community (and I’m fairly active) don’t use.

I think kink, even collaring, should have some flexibility in the sense of live and let live. If you think someone else’s collar is fake or less than, isn’t the feeling of knowing you’re right and have something you believe is more “real” enough? I do get a bit confused at the upset many here on the cage express about other people’s collaring practices because how does any of that actually affect the person doing the complaining? I think many people jump into relationships too fast and make foolish decisions but I also think that’s their problem, not mine.

It’s sort of like...if someone dates their spouse for 5 years and they have a big church wedding and are very traditional about the whole business...the fact that some people get married spur of the moment in Vegas doesn’t change anything about that first relationship. They’re just using the same act (legal marriage) for vastly different purposes and will have very different outcomes.

girliegirl4U​(sub female) • May 3, 2019

I met my Master online, we corresponded for 6 months before meeting, due to a number of reasons. It was the first time I was ready to seek out a D/s, M/s relationship, the time writing gave me a level of comfort and the beginning of developing trust. When we eventually met we were exclusive for over 7 years, yet it took almost 3 years before He felt I was deserving of His collar. First I got a day collar, I designed, then we found another that we both picked out and then I got a real collar which I wore when together. Looking back I now understand that he was correct, I was not deserving and I must admit there were times I did not deserve his collar even when wearing it but we were in a special relationship which has ups and downs. I guess everyone takes wearing a collar differently but from my personal experience it was something to strive for, something very special and I wanted to be deserving. I was proud to wear the day and regular collars, they meant something very special just between the two of us.

Collars

Originaljewel​(switch female) • May 26, 2019

Several people have commented on how people abuse the collar and the ceremony of the collaring. But in society today they also abused marriage the wedding ring it means nothing anymore to so many people. I long for the day let my Master put his collar on me. He has mentioned it but it hasn't happened yet. But I think it requires discussion about needs desires expectation and what it means to us alone as a couple. Just a quick humble opinion on the subject

Collars

Originaljewel​(switch female) • May 26, 2019

I agree with hgg I too am collared without a physical collar around my neck. I know I belong to him he knows I belong to him and only him. No matter what else we do in our life and our time together we both know I belong to him in my heart and my mind my body my very Soul belongs to him. Yes I would enjoy having the actual physical collar around my neck but if it never happened I know I'm still Collard in my heart.

thirstyharley​(dom male) • May 26, 2019

Its up to each pair to decide how much significance a collar has. Maybe a sub earning a collar in 3 weeks only for their dom to disappear shortly after may not have a mindset that’s appropriate with how quickly the collar was earned, but its technically totally possible for a loving dom and sub to have a collar early in their relationship. Each case is different, you know?

Soulweaver​(dom male) • May 27, 2019

Collars, oh where do I begin?

Collars to me are a multi-faceted topic. I also believe there can be (and are) many types of collars.

Training collars: I use training collars while I am training a submissive. This serves many purposes, it allows a new submissive to get used to wearing a collar. Since training collars (for me) tend to be more utilitarian, they can also be used for leashing and other purposes. A training collar is not earned, nor does it signify a commitment, the way the commitment collars are and do. They are simply used for training someone.

Commitment collar: When I deem that a submissive is fully trained and I have agreed to a commitment with her, I will perform a collaring ceremony. This is usually private, but if the submissive was open and desired to have a few close friends at the ceremony, that can be arranged as well. The commitment collar is something that I custom design and have made and it usually incorporates her sub/slave name, which I have given her. This collar is a locking type collar and can only be removed under very special circumstances (medical purposes etc.). I also provide my submissive with a day collar, that is a bit less obvious, so that she isn't outed at work for example. The day collar can be a necklace, bracelet or anklet, we usually choose this together. Now if my submissive is more open with her choice, we may not need a day collar, but I let her make that decision. I am not out at work, so how can I expect her to be?

Online collars: No offense, but I do not believe in online collaring, nor do I believe that an online collar is worth much. That is simply MY opinion and if you believe differently, well to each their own.

dollMaker​(dom male) • May 27, 2019

'Online collars: No offense, but I do not believe in online collaring, nor do I believe that an online collar is worth much'

Just what the Cage needs another disrespectful, piss on peoples relationships individual. It is offensive, but sure its online and doesn't matter.

Soulweaver​(dom male) • May 27, 2019

You totally misrepresented what I said. Perhaps you should read it again.

I said "I" don't believe in online collaring. "I" also said that it is "MY" opinion and if you believe differently, well to each their own. If you choose to take that as disrespect, well we clearly have a completely different understanding of what the words mean. Oh and cheers to you for deciding what this website needs or not, glad you feel comfortable being able to speak for everyone.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • May 28, 2019

My very first scene a collar was buckled around my neck. The Dominant (Who I would eventually be owned by), spoke at great lengths to make me understand that it was a play collar and meant only that I was under her control for that scene. It wasn’t uncommon for Dominants to have collars solely for this purpose. The act of putting on and removing a collar onto a submissive flips a switch in their mind.

It seems that I’m theses days of the 50 Shades subs/Doms there is almost a frenzy to collar or be collared. I find it to be disheartening that people don’t seem to understand the commitment that it represents. Maybe I’m showing my age and how old fashioned I am. I’m collared, owned, contracted and committed to Him. We discussed it at length. This is our 2nd go round (feel free to read my bio) and it’s our intent to make this forever. We believe that a permanent collar transcends even a wedding ring. Not everyone agrees, that’s fine. I have beautiful pieces of jewelry that I wear as day collars. Thick leather play collars that I adore. I also bear 2 tattoos that represent our collar & commitment. I welcome any way to remind me of who I am to Him and what we have together.


There are also stages of collars. Training, consideration, protection and permanent. I’ve known leather families that used collars to represent a connection. I’m sure there are others I’m leaving out. Traditionalists/Old Guard view the giving and receiving of collars very seriously.