Helpful Advice: Love Languages

Helpful Advice: Love Languages

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Jun 11, 2019

Hi Everyone! In a recent thread, I saw the topic of love languages come up. It's a topic that's very important to maintaining healthy relationships, but not a lot of people take them into account, or even know what they are. So, hopefully, this helps.

To simplify things, your 'love language' is how you feel fulfilled in receiving and giving love. Typically, they're broken into three different languages: Physical contact, spoken communication, and giving gifts/services. Most people can appreciate all three of these things when a partner does them, but typically, an individual will only feel deeply loved, or that their love is only being properly shown, with one. That's where the word 'fulfilling' comes into play.

Let's say you come home from work, and your wife bought you a brand new Porche. Holy hell, awesome! But, if you haven't had sex in a year, and it's making you feel unloved because physical contact is your love language, the new Porche can't replace that.

You and your Dom have mind blowing, wild, AWESOME sex one night. Holy hell, you orgasm like Zeus shot you in the spine with lightning! But, he hasn't said the words "I love you" in months, and your love language is spoken contact.

You and your Dominatrix girlfriend celebrate your one year anniversary, and enjoy a lovely night on the town. She's very attentive, tells you how important you are to her and she loves you all the time, and you have damn nice sex frequently. However, she's not good at setting up a routine for you, and you feel like you can't properly express how much you love her because you're not serving as well as you could, and your language is gifts and service.

I think we've seen how this can be a problem. The other two languages can't replace the one most important to you.

There's a simple two step process to not only solving/preventing these problems, but actively making your romantic relationship(s) wildly more rewarding:

1. Figure out what your love language is.
2. Communicate that to your partner(s).

Figuring it out is pretty simple. "What's the most fulfilling way my partner has shown they love me?" Again, most people appreciate birthday sex, presents, or simply being told such affectionately. But what's the most important one to you? Or, even easier to figure out, what hurts the most when it's lacking?

Once you have an answer, simply talk to your partner(s) about it, which if you're in a relationship of any flavor, should be easy (and if it's not, that's a WHOLE other post to talk about). Part of what makes this discussion so important isn't just ensuring you get what you need out of the relationship, but also ensuring you're providing that to your partner(s). If your language is spoken word, and your partner's is physical contact, it's only fair that there be equal parts speaking it and expressing it through touch.

That's my TED talk on love languages. Thank you for coming, and I sincerely hope this helps someone out there.

Ingénue{VK} • Jun 13, 2019

Figuring it out is even simpler:

https://www.5lovelanguages.com

A useful resource, albeit sentimental.

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Jun 13, 2019

Can confirm, that's a nice resource.

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Jun 13, 2019

Knowing both mine and my Sir’s love languages has been very helpful to me in our relationship. It helps us to know why some things are more important to one than the other, and it helps us to show our love in a way we know the other will be most receptive of. It’s important to both of us that the other feel loved and cherished and fulfilled, and knowing our love language helps us to do that.

Thanks for sharing; I hope it helps others the way it did me when I first took the test.

Low{BLK OWND} • Jun 16, 2019

This is very interesting and I have figured mine out
The most fulfilling for me is touch or personal connection. It's the thing I look forward to the most and miss the most when its absent
Thanks for the info

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jun 17, 2019

Beloved and I greatfully speak the same emotional language.

For us, its only partly about love language.
It is greatly about an all over language. How we fight, how we communicate when one of us is ill....