Mistress wants money

DrWakko • Dec 9, 2016

The longer you are on sites like this the easier it to spot fakes. I can spot a fake most of the time, if I can't do it in the first email I'm pretty sure I figured it out by round two. The one thing the owners can do is ban by IP. It take a bit more work to do than just a "click" then ban. But its possible. 

Look for these signs (and I'm sure there are a ton more) when spotting a fake in the first few messages:
* if they ask for money (or you can by them things)
* if they try to get you to join another site
* really bad spelling and grammar
* they give you an outside email address

DW

Villanelle​(staff) • Dec 10, 2016

Great advice DrWacko, and please be assured we are working hard to remove fakes/scammers/trolls and that includes IP bans when necessary.  I think everyone appreciates how important it is to keep this an authentic community experience and not a place to get trolled.

Lady_Sin_of_NOLA​(switch female) • Aug 15, 2017

I am a switch and recently over the past few yes have been embracing and attempting to live my BDSM again ,more so as a Master(Mistress). Currently I have one very experienced slave,whom I've known as equals before I began training with my Madam/Mentor and other Master's gracious enough to also be my teachers, at this moment my slave lievs long distance.I also have another new sprout sub with little experience requesting to become slave and owned by me, currently still communicating via email and completing his slave application before confirming or denying placing him under probationary and temporary ownership.As part of the probationary period and trail of one whole month,I place a few simple rules,routines, protocols,task and so on for the applying sub to acknowledge and fallow to show his/her submission, intelligence,weak and strong spots, compatibility with me as their Dominant/Master and most importantly if their serious as I am about our Lifestyle and not another waste of time.
Some Masters(male or female) do require tribute (s) of some type,gifts and or cash.The gifts can be both personal for the Master and or for the Masters dungeon, Every one loves receiving gifts that can show how one appreciates and loves that person,but a Master that is serious and isn't a fake taking advantage of a submissive would strongly suggest or ask that subs tribute gifts useful for the benefit of the dungeon and His/Her sub's BDSM.As for cash tribute,that depends again on the Master.I,like mine and few others who did similar, expected either $100-$400 at the beginning of temporarily ownership and probationary training for one month or more or,many times, expected tribute of $50-$100 weekly, until sub became fully accepted and owned as slave,which then would change the terms and conditions of tribute (s).The money tributed, however,went imidiately towards the Master's House and placed in that sub's private piggy bank and used to purchase subs needs in care, personal gear and provide rewards in subs wants and even used to help sub achieve a set goal if financial means are nesesary to achieve set goal.
As a start,I ask subs for starting tribute in gift purchase from my Amazon wish list.First:The option of tributing $100-200 in gear/equipment for my dungeon and personally for the sub.Second:a gift worth $25-$100 from another wish list of things I would appreciate being personally gifted.If not online and in person keep it the same and ask that sub accompanied me to the adult store and pick together.
If I were a slave(sub) I would request that I send a small,but reasonable, amount in gifts that can be useful to your BDSM relationship and lifestyle or do this,but in person together and spend time getting to know one another, possibly if you feel up to it even ask that after you have a small session to start.Before anything though get to know this person,make sure they are real.If you can find a way to have them prove what they claim to be and what they offer is true.i understand on both sides as submissive and as a Dominant how difficult and frustrating it is to find a real person and trust what is said is real and won't harm you negatively,but don't give up just be smart about what you do,who you give trust to and how you test the waters.I am learning that as a Master,even we can be scammed by false submissives who waste or time,energy and especially money.Dom or sub,makes no difference,people can pretend to be either with the goal in mind of living for free, receiving kinky pleasure and, playing the role of Dom,seek control over another they can abuse and benefit sexually and even financially off of.hope I have been,even a lil, helpful to you in my advice of my experience as both slave and Master.good luck

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 23, 2017

Actually it is. The scam I mean. This is clearly a scam. Scams are normal. What I don't find normal is someone having to ask about it.

There is ZERO REASON not to wait until you're with a dom first. If there is a lack of trust (and it is ok to mistrust at times) and this is a new person (so such trust should be lacking by the sounds of it) then there's no reason to burn your money with what is clearly a high risk situation. If on the other hand you've known each other for a longer period of time and trust them then that can be another matter.

This sounds like a clear scam though. If this question has to even have to be asked then it makes me wonder how desperate the OP is. There's one good way to see if trust is present or not. See if someone is there for you, takes a constant interest in you and is there in hard times. Which can happen online as much as offline. I'm guessing that hasn't been the case here. The only way I'd be tossing money over is if I had money to burn and didn't mind someone taking advantage. Which I do. Maybe some others enjoy the risk of "High risk, little chance of reward" with something like this though. I think I'd have to be a millionaire to find the 1 out of 598439845643567485 people that wouldn't be scamming me however. You're actually much more likely to have someone want you to move in IRL and pay for your upkeep (It's happened with me). "Findom" doesn't just mean "I control your funds" (Well, except to the scammers I guess). It means "Trust me to do so". Now personally I don't mind if another controls funds, since I wouldn't spend it on much anyway. But I wouldn't want "Just anyone" to do that. It has to be "Close company".

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 23, 2017

Adding on to my last post. About the someone wanting me with them IRL thing. That would be an example of ALREADY KNOWING the person for a period of time and having conversations and communication online. As well as having a few "Civil arguments" and remaining on good terms (eg: hard times). Just to be clear on that account. This is also a situation of "They'd pay for my things".

They would control the funds, but they at no point asked me for money. I'm piss poor anyway. I don't mind "Working for it" (Go out of my way with that actually) but there's that and then there's "Hand over your money before I even get to know you well enough."

In my opinion...

Naylaxoxo​(dom female) • Aug 25, 2017

Being a Dom is hard work and rewarding. To play in this lifestyle can be costly. The amount will definitely vary depending on things such as location, attire, toys, hair, nails, make up etc... What ever floats your boat. I personally consider these things a mutual benefit. However, if Im taking the time to get to know and train a sub I am truly invested full time. I expect my sub to understand that in order for me as their Queen to assist them achieve their highest potential takes time, mental strategy, and yes money!! There is No such thing as Free internet, hotels, toy shop, lingerie or salons. I love to receive gifts and be pampered. What woman doesnt love to be worshipped?? If I give you my time, my leash and you want pics of this Diva all decked out, you want the full Dominatrx experience, then best believe, you are paying for the full package. This should not be confused with rent, car, living money there is a difference. This is just my opinion...! Nothing is free and subs need to contribute and show tribute to their Queens!!

DrWakko • Aug 25, 2017

I believe what nayla is describing is a sex worker and not a Mistress. Nayla is describing someone who sits behind a computer barks orders and takes sexy photos.

A real Master or Mistress get gifts in the way their sub or slaves make them proud. You take a child to the store to get them a toy when they have been good. A real Master or Mistress gift comes when their sub or slave makes sure the bags are packed for the play party or that dinner is ready when they get home.

For those that believe me go to your local munch and meet your local Dommes and Mistresses. I'm willing to bet they will not be passing out the info to their Amazon wish list.

Also in all of bdsm the findom is the only role that is reserved for one gender. There are no male findoms, it's only females who take this title. You won't find a male passing out their Amazon wish list.

Let's stop calling them findom or tie it into bdsm. Let's call this what it is: sex workers.

Naylaxoxo​(dom female) • Aug 25, 2017

In response to Drwakko, I am NOT talking about a sex worker!! In the future if you are unclear or would like clarification feel free to ask me.

I personally dont feel a sub should give money out with out getting to know and trust their Dom first. In order to build trust absolutely takes time! It is true there is a lot of people with bad intentions and ready to scam. A sub should be mindful of this at all times! With that said any money involved to purchase mutually beneficial items should be agreed upon, and not forced! At the same time if my sub choses to get me gifts and pamper me because that is what I like and expect. Who are you to judge? That may very well be my subs fetish (spending money) and it makes me happy to receive gifts. snce that is his fetish and it makes me happy, are you really going to judge?? Everyone is entiled to their own kinks and should be able to explore their fetishes!

It is also true there are different fetishes for everyone which can be costly! Like I said before whatever floats your boat! No judgement, I have had a variety of subs with all different types of needs. I care for all of them and in return they care for me. Like I said in my previous post being a dom is hard work and rewarding!

However there are subs who do try to take advantage and waste eveyones time. There is also spiteful Doms who only bark orders as you put it. My point is and will remain, I take care of my subs and expect the same in return!

DrWakko • Aug 25, 2017

There is a difference between someone deciding to buy their partner a gift and a tribute. There is a very big difference between a gift and a tribute. If you show up at my house for dinner and bring a bottle of wine that is a gift. If I demand you bring me "x" bottle of wine or you can't come in that is a tribute.

Bella duPuy​(sub female){Not lookin} • Aug 25, 2017

That is called EXTORTION!!

i am SO glad that this topic was vrought up.

i've haf a few male subs ask me to be their Domme/Mistress, just so they know what it's like to dominated.

And i have tefused, instead, coaching them through the process of thwarting these witches' demands.

This infuriates me and it shows they are #TRULY UNworthy of any submissive's or slaves, love, devotion, pleaasure, obedience; and the most coveted - their submission.

Those females should go work on themselves before taking on the weighty and awesome responsibility of a submissive or slave.

That is all.