Prioritizing/Scheduling

Prioritizing/Scheduling

BunnyMuffins​(sub female) • Aug 12, 2019

Hey I am hoping to receive some advice. Is anyone else having/or have you had a tough time with prioritizing this need along with your regular life? I am newly committing myself to my Submission but I also have a crazy schedule at the moment. I work 50+ hrs a week plus my job requires me to take meetings on the weekends as well with clients so even my time out of the office is often accounted for. Plus I have to do regular life stuff (cooking, cleaning, meal prep, sleeping) and I do the occasional social event (although I am mostly a homebody). It is just making me feel kind of frantic that I don't have enough time to devote to this. I fear it may push people (someone) away. Has anyone else had this situation? How did you compensate for it? Should I just wait until I can be fully present? I really really really do not want to but I am feeling incredibly guilty and selfish that I cannot focus my attention properly because I am being pulled in many directions. Any insight would be very helpful.

Bunnie • Aug 12, 2019

This is something I struggle with also and I don’t know how to “fix” it to be honest... I’ve never been able to find the balance.

I either end up focusing everything on the Master and the remainder of my life goes to shit, or I have to withdraw myself slightly to be able to share the focus, and end up feeling guilty and useless as a submissive because I’m not focusing on him as much as I feel he deserves or my position warrants.

BunnyMuffins​(sub female) • Aug 12, 2019

Sounds like we are in the same boat. This is quite a conundrum. The guilt is such an unpleasant feeling.

MsHaven​(dom female) • Aug 12, 2019

Subs can and do have jobs, families, outside interests, miscellaneous obligations, and a need for personal time. and it’s important for the dominant to account for that. It’s a matter of quality over quantity for me. If all you have this week is an afternoon that you can give 100% focus and dedication, then so be it. An unfocused, distracted, guilt-ridden sub isn’t acceptable.

BunnyMuffins​(sub female) • Aug 12, 2019

Thanks for that insight. I will try to keep that in mind.

Sunnie​(sub female) • Aug 13, 2019

This can be challenging at times. I don't know if time difference is an issue as well? I can say though that a D/s relationship takes hard work, time and effort. Yes, we all have lives. Work, family, social, every day things. Sometimes unexpected things come up that we can't control and that's ok. The KEY is communication. I can not express it enough. Let them know what is going on so they don't feel like they are a 2nd/3rd thought for you. If you don't feel like you're in the right place because you have a lot going on, step back. Same goes for the Dom. You don't have to give up this part of you if you need to take care of things.
Family, work and personal life are important just as your Dom has to be too.
I asked if there was a time difference because if there is, that can play in your favor. Use that time to get the mundane things done. It will give you more time with your Dom. That's what I did and it worked well. Also discussing what my schedule looked like helped out. You can plan around that.

BunnyMuffins​(sub female) • Aug 13, 2019

Thanks, this is really good advice! I will definitely be using some of these tips. And you're right about communication. I definitely do this thing where I don't say anything at first because I feel bad to disappoint but it ends up adding to my guilt. I am just working on being better daily!

CrimsonRose • Aug 13, 2019

Thank you for your post and for those who offered suggestions. I am considering training, but fear I will not have the time to commit to it and I really don't want to disappoint, Sir or myself. I also don't want to have to repeat lessons over and over, I like my A+'s when studying. Great suggestions from Sunnie & Ms Haven.

MilitantSoul​(dom male) • Aug 13, 2019

BunnyMuffins​,
I hear this a lot, it's actually very common in the best types of slaves or submissives.
Strong confident active woman is always going to have to juggle a schedule. Remember submission really starts with the mind. By no means would I back off or wait till you have time. Actually just the opposite I would just take a different approach. There are simple small little tasks you can do to help Focus your mind. The question it is are you asking this in the context of an existing relationship? Or is this about your interest in pursuing this and you do not currently have a Loving Authority figure, Dominant, Master?

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Aug 13, 2019

My Sir sent me the link for this thread earlier and said that he believed it could benefit from a very busy kitten’s perspective, which is his very gentlemanly way of saying “hey sub, you should comment on this.” Hehe.

So I’ve been racking my brain all day thinking on what advice I would/should give. And frankly, the perfect answer still eludes me.

I am a very busy kitten. I manage a two office law firm. I’m executive director on a board that has 5 major events annually. I run a household without Sir’s presence during the week. I fly north to Sir every other weekend. I have a very large family and friends to try to make time for. I get your dilemma, I really do.

I had something come up in my TimeHop yesterday that someone sent to me a couple years ago. “Some days she has no idea how she’ll do it, but every single day it still gets done.” That’s just how it works. As women, we tend to be able to just get it done.

So my advice is this: if it’s important to you, if you feel in your soul a longing to submit, then don’t let fears and concerns stop you from pursuing that. You’ll find a balance when the time comes. I love my job. I love my family and friends. And I very much love my Sir. Not everything gets my full attention every day, but the most important things always get done. And if you find a good Sir who you can be honest with from the beginning, he’ll set his expectations according to your abilities. That is what Sir has done for me. Sometimes I fail in my role, but never because what has been asked of me is impossible.