First Contact

dollMaker​(dom male) • Sep 15, 2019

Its called 'hitting on' people.

Take part in the forums, chat room would be a good idea as well, and your profile to my eyes reads like a personals ad, not away of telling people about yourself. Get known on here and people will talk to you, but don't make it all about getting a sub, make it simply about making friends and who knows where that might go.

Flippyn • Sep 15, 2019

Dear Bleiz, no I just responded to the ads of people who were looking for someone. I would never text someone out of blue. Maybye you're right about asking for a meeting too quick, but in the same text I said that if it's too much, I would like to simply text with her. No rensponse, maybye it's my attitute, is it bad to be nice and sincere? I doubt that people want me to curse at them in first message, but I might be wrong

Solidbobtheflamingo​(dom male){Megagem} • Sep 15, 2019

Ok a lot of people have given you really good advice and helped so I won't cover what they said. Moastly it is ok if somone does not want to talk to you there can be a billion reasons why they don't. Personaly I think a response back even if it says they don't want to talk to you is nice. However it is not needed if they don't respond then they are not the right fit for you friendship or otherwise. I also think you are upset and do not mean all that "nice guy" stuf. It will be ok you will make friends and then eventually you may meet the right fit for you but you have time you don't want to rush it. That may lead to a wrong fit or for you geting over your head(it happenes to the best of us). Be safe and have fun

Flippyn • Sep 15, 2019

Thanks everyone for help and advice. Solidbobtheflamingo, maybye you're right about being upset, but I didn't mean that in a way that I expected something. I would really be okay with just "No, thank you" . It's just odd to me.

NCarraway​(dom male) • Sep 16, 2019

@Flippyn

So, the first thing I would say is to remind you that on most sites like this, and in fact on all dating sites, the men seriously outnumber the women. Men, generally speaking, are drawn to women younger than themselves, this is an established fact. Thus, it is evident that younger women on a site like this will be basically bombarded with messages from all kinds of men. All the way from horny dudes who are just after wank-fodder, through to youngsters like yourself getting serious about Domhood, all the way to serious experienced Doms. How is she supposed to know the difference? How is she even going to have the energy to decide who to respond to when she has an inbox full of disrespectful spam messages. The truth is she will find it difficult to find the good people in all that. I have spoken to girls who take a brief look in their inbox, skim quickly, and then junk the whole lot. In all honesty I don't blame them.

The truth is, if you approach her, it is going to be very difficult to stand out. You will have to be respectful but show signs of playfulness, inquisitive but not overload her with meaningless 'interview' questions. It is tough, and even with the best approach she might not spot you, she might be having a bad day, she might be moving to the moon, her dog might have died, she might be starting a new job. These are all reasons why someone might not respond and you should not concern yourself with the why: you have no way of knowing the why and no way to influence it. Justme talked about a 10% response rate and that sounds about right to me - I think you can improve your rate a little from this but I think even George Clooney wouldn't get better than 25%.

How do I suggest you improve your chances of a successful response?

1. Tighten up your profile. Ask some people (Doms and subs) if they would take a look at it for you. I'd suggest talking about what Dominance means to you as well as some things about your life to show you are human. I would not describe how the relationship would be because everyone has a different idea of the perfect D/s relationship and so you are unlikely to describe her ideal. Actually any D/s relationship you embark on will be organic - it will grow and evolve to something unique and special - that's something the two of you will figure out together. (use that if you like!).

On this point I went through an exercise of generating a Dominant mission statement a few years ago. It was a very interesting experience and allowed me to zoom out to see what i really want. That is a really good thing to put on a profile - it makes you look self-aware, thoughtful, in command and that you have your 'shit-together'. I use that missions statement when I go about constructing a profile.

2. Be active and get yourself 'seen' here. I like that you are active here, asking questions, taking part. That says something about your character and will score you points. I don't know about the chatrooms here - I don't know about that strategy. You might have some mind blowing insights in the chatroom but probably the girl you want to impress will not be there. I really like the idea of blogging. If it is a positive blog, talking about your journey in a respectful way, then you will gain followers. The blog will be here when you are not, people might leave comments and that would be a good way to start conversations. BUT make sure the blog is positive, thoughtful and respectful or it will do more harm than good. The vibe you want is calm thoughtful introspection, confident but not arrogant. Having more of a presence here on the Cage is a way of demonstrating to a girl that you are not someone who is 'just passing through'.

3. @Bunnie's comments are really good in how to approach. The whole being 'comfortable and non-apologetic' is tough to pull off but worth working on: it is a lifelong journey. Use a few pointers about why you approached them - maybe a comment on their profile or blog. I also agree that geography is not a good reason for saying that you wanted to approach. She wants to feel that it is a good match, she doesn't want to feel that you approached because she is from the same place. I would also say don't make the message too long. Something along the lines of:

Hi xxxxx, I saw your profile/blog/comment and I really liked xxxx. It meant this to me...and made me think of this.. I wanted to know .... You sound really cool/interesting and I'd love to chat here sometime. My profile is fairly well filled out and should give you an idea of my interests.

Send it, then forget it. You don't want to waste time with a second message as it makes you seem needy. A needy man will never look like a Dom.

I would suggest that early conversations should stay at the Cage. Some people can get nervous about moving to other platforms, especially if they have been burned before. Myself, I don't much like the chat functionality here and only get to it at the end of the day so i do find it easier using other platforms. However, I do understand that changing chat platforms is a leap into the unknown for some, so I suggest it after a while but listen carefully to how she responds. Forcing the issue is never a good idea. I would never suggest moving to a new platform until the conversation has been going well - you need to think of your own security too.

I think it has been pointed out, Bleiz I think, that submissives are particularly cautious about meeting up with people from here. I personally think that is healthy and you should expect that. I imagine you to be ethical, friendly and not dangerous but I think that it would be difficult to meet a girl on here and get her out for coffee in a short space of time. You must remember that there are potentially dangerous men on here and she will not be able to tell if you are one of them. The best approach I think is, once you are talking, talk frequently for a couple of weeks to build a friendship. After a while she will feel more comfortable with you and the idea of a meetup for coffee may come up. A week or two of chatting will tell you if you are going anywhere relationship/chance-of-a-coffee-date wise. It is difficult to say for every situation but i think it is not good to ask for a date too quickly.

I hope you find something useful here. Stay focussed and positive, invest in yourself and demonstrate value. These are the things your future submissive is looking for.

Carraway