NoOneofConsequence(dom male){Taken}
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4 years ago •
May 22, 2020
4 years ago •
May 22, 2020
I came at everything back-ass-wards. First, I learned in the off-line realm, over time and organically. It wasn't until my wife, my slave, my submissive, my babygirl, my love, and my absolute best friend decided to skip off this plane of existence (without my permission, damn it!) that the whole LDR with phone and internet and whatever even became a thing.
And I am forced to concede after countless failed on-line relationships that I fucking suck at LDR.
***shrug***
I am a Dominant (with absolutely no submission to my personality) that tends to... bleed Dominance into every relationship, no matter how platonic, despite my best efforts and their best efforts for me not to. Depending on who you ask, I'm either a Master level Dominant with Daddy tendencies or a Daddy Dom with Master tendencies. But, the thing is, I never really gave a shit just what label anyone tried to stick on me. It just wasn't relevant what pigeonhole someone thought fit since I was too busy doing it to make the time to talk about it.
And then the wife who'd been with me for...eh... 85% of my explorations went on to check out the next great adventure. Disabled, virtually housebound, and alone, all that was left to me was talking about via these here infernal-nets.
In a lot of ways, it was backtracking to the beginning and trying to learn it all again as I fought to somehow project the Dominance that had been such a part of me through nature and training and so effortless in the face-to-face organic interactions across miles of phone and internet lines.
Shit went on that is largely irrelevant save that I failed again and again and again until I had to take a long, hard look at myself, questioning whether I even actually still was a Dominant, if I ever had been anything more than a Service Top. It started off seeming like it filled a bit of a need. But, towards the end, with... I'm embarrassed to admit I honestly don't know how many submissives I was supposedly training scattered around the world that would get off and then log off... far from sating my hunger, they just whetted my appetite for more until the ravenous beast in my breast threatened to consume me as well as them and any other I could find. A Dom frenzy that made the most voracious sub-frenzy I've ever encountered seem like a mild breeze compared to a hurricane as I fought to push them further and harder and not hesitating to let this one who would not do what I needed slip away to be replaced by three more that thought they could. Doing nothing but rolling out of bed and sitting at my computer for hours until I was too exhausted to do more than just roll back into bed, still insatiably starved.
Until one day I woke to find myself on the floor with my chair pulled over on top of me and no clear idea how I'd gotten there since the last I'd been aware, I'd been dealing with three "supposed little submissive people-pleasers that were nothing more than attention whores" one right after another.
No, I'm not proud of what I said, of what I felt, as my hunger and frustration fed into anger and then rage. And then into a bout of takotsubo cardiomyopathy where my literal physical heart swelled due to the stress and lost the rhythm of it's beat as it pushed to force blood through valves struggling to open enough to let the blood through. And then days in bed, unable to draw a deep breath, not sure if I was going to live or die. And not really caring either way.
When I did make it out of bed, I slammed the iron walls back into place and sheathed them with ceramacrete. NO one was getting in.
One sweet little submissive came crawling on her knees back to me after leaving me for someone else. And I challenged her that if she truly wished to be my submissive that she would have her ass on my porch before the sun sank below the horizon a second time, kneeling before me, and saying those exact words to me.
She didn't make it.
But, I cut her some little slack for being thirty minutes late since she'd pulled over in a parking lot an hour out (on a five hour drive) to determine if she could keep coming.
That was damn near a year ago. And right now as I put the finishing touches on this post, my sweet little spice is here, again, playing with my cock, impatient for me to set aside these here infernal-nets and see to getting her delicious body ready for me to split her open and caress her very heart and soul with mine.
***shrug***
I get it. I suck at it, but I get the appeal of on-line to try to fill the gap that no one closer, whether in the next room or across town, has been able to.
I just know, now, that on-line without a physical face-to-face component just isn't going to work for me. But, power to those who it does work for. The world needs more fucking, even virtually, than fucking over.
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