Hot take: Dommes are allowed to be insecure sometimes.

Meg​(dom female){NotLooking} • Dec 5, 2019

Doesn't necessarily have to be insecurity related to relationships. You could be insecure about your weight or job whatever or artistic talents. Insecurities are often born of inadequacies, real or perceived. Being a dominant can make one feel adequate at something and balance out extraneous insecurities.

Onlinedomguy​(dom male) • Dec 25, 2019

There are many things that can get in the way in the moment. I believe we all have weaknesses and insecurities about life, our place in the world, and our strengths as human. Being a Dom does not eliminate being slapped in the face. I think the male ego is more fragile then many may realize.

As a Dom, i am very confident of my leadership skills as i am in life. i have been a high level executive in my professional life as well as a successful small business owner for 40 years. I still have moments of self doubt even though i have had lots of successes along the way.

it is just life. It doesn't make me less successful it just makes me human.

Onlinedomguy​(dom male) • Dec 25, 2019

I don't think insecurities influences my desire to control more than other facets of who I am. I think we generally are more complicated then that. I am sure part of it could come from there, but when a strong woman is willing to surrender to me, omg...it does so much to me.

It is beyond anything I have ever experienced...the intense passion and desire it creates. It hits me in so many different ways it would take awhile to explain it completely.

Daddy Time​(dom male) • Dec 28, 2019

Great topic, my new little bruises really really easy like pressing down your thumb leaves a thumb print that lasts for a week. Its not ideal for me because spanking is a big kink for me. The other night had a scene and i was light spanking during her climax and the next day the poor girl looked like she had been beat with a baseball bat. This left me feeling so guilty and really BRUISED my confidence it made me second guess my control as to how hard i was spanking her etc. shes fine and happy and really loves it and says she has no pain but it really dented my confidence level.

Up unto my new little i had never experienced this before and the feeling was terrible. Perhaps its because im a Daddy i have my sadist side that i enjoy but its a lower level than some of the Masters or Doms here for sure. Anyway great topic.

Erick​(sub male) • Dec 28, 2019

Personally, I can't stand it when my dom stops in the middle of beating me to ask if I'm OK. As if they could possibly pick up where they left off after such an interruption and everything would be just as real as it was a moment earlier. It's happened with a couple of different people. But I know they mean well, so I try to forgive them. But it makes me want to beat some sense into THEM. Just as an educational experience.

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 28, 2019

Insecurity. Part and parcel of the human animal. To admit insecurity is to admit one is human. To look down on anyone who has insecurities here and there-- is the hallmark of a fool.

* * * *

@Erick-- That is the wrong approach. A dom or a sadist giving a beating has no way of knowing the true effect their action is having. No one I know of who isn't either nuts or on drugs can actually read the thoughts of another. (The aforementioned basket-cases can claim they can read your mind, but be assured, they're full of shit.)

Take heart in the fact that they stop and check because if you ever run into a genuine abuser, you'll miss the ones who asked if you're OK.

And the other side of the coin.. If a dom or sadist lays into you full strength and doesn't stop to check on your welfare-- He or she runs the risk of going too far and having a corpse on their hands and a locked cell in his or her future. All the "I consented to this" letters in the world won't save them.

Think of the other person on occasion. it is of mutual benefit.

Erick​(sub male) • Dec 28, 2019

Hi, Miki--

Love your posts. You are the Voice of Wisdom. I would not argue with anything you say. You give good advice and people should listen to you. So let me explain myself:

First, the average man can take a lot more than the average woman. If I were a woman, I WOULD be afraid of some of the BDSM things I've been through. But I'm big and solidly built and over the years I've had to be bandaged up a few times and had to go to the hospital twice, and even so it was all copacetic with me. And I don't think I'm freakishly unusual in that regard. I've had professional doms tell me: "In case you think you're a heavy player, I have news for you: You're NOT as heavy as a lot of people who come to me." (Not that I was trying to be heavy. They misread me.)

Secondly, as someone said--I think it was the novelist Eudora Welty--the miracle of how little we know of each other is surpassed only by the miracle of how much we know. (I'm paraphrasing her.) Again, if it is truly a life-or-death deal, then of course be very careful. But if the downside is merely that somebody might get hurt more than they expected, even a good deal more, then I think some risk is allowable.

And third: I was careful to say "PERSONALLY." Because I am not offering my experience as a model for anyone. In fact, my message is: Kids, DON'T do what I have done. Unless you're really sure you want to. And you probably know who you are.

And plus: I did say that I understand our natural human reluctance to hurt each other, and I'm glad of it, and I respect it.

So I hope you will forgive me for being a bit of a subversive. I'm really just being the loyal opposition.

Solace​(dom male) • Dec 30, 2019

I would like to take what I believe is the higher path, but I'm afraid I cannot. My narrow experience in this life has only permitted me to see that as the begining of the end to these relationships.

If that is good for reasons such as the relationship was not a true fit, I cannot say. But it is an end. My subs apear to hold confidence on a podium they draw their own from. If it appears an illusion, they lose faith in their own strength.

Others disagree with me. I am happy for them, and hope discussions such as these will lead to healthier understandings.

simplylaura​(sub female){djinni} • Dec 30, 2019

Not derailing because this is an extremely important topic and dominants being their most real self, insecurities and vulnerabilities and all, is what appeals to me most. But... You've clearly never been at a dyke party if you truly believe that. Stay away from the sweeping generalizations, friendo. It's not a contest.

Erick​(sub male) • Dec 30, 2019

Hi, SimplyLaura--

Thanks for your take on my answer. But with all due respect:

You suggest I was bragging about something ("It's not a contest.") But actually I took care to avoid giving that impression.

Also: I am not more guilty of sweeping generalizations than many people on here--including yourself. (There is at least one very sweeping and quite belligerent generalization in your profile.)

Also: As it happens, dykes are some of my favorite people in the world. My MOTHER was a dyke, as were most of her friends. I was surrounded by the affection of dykes from childhood onward.

And lastly: I stand by the sweeping generalization that men IN GENERAL are bigger and stronger than women. If you truly doubt that, I am at a loss as to what to say to you.

But: Carry on.