| benwah(dom male) |
4 years ago •
Jan 18, 2020
Long distance vs in person play sessions
Hi,
I am a Dom not currently with a sub but looking, with that said I am pondering different ideas of play time when I find the right sub for me. I do not want to get into a relationship that will never progress to in person relationship, I have no problem having a long distance relationship but I am wondering how to share the highest level of passion during playtime when there is no physical contact. Not sure if that is clear and I will be the first to admit I am not the perfect dom (yet) but want to be the best I can be. What kinds of things do others do to build trust and desire with their sub they may have never met? |
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Online now
Ilmare(sub female){Not Lookin}
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4 years ago •
Jan 18, 2020
Two-way Street
I think that your question applies to both Dominant and submissive.
I am in the same situation. I have not been in a formal D/s and I am searching for the right fit. I've met some amazing people along with way, but the distance is a problem for me. It is my desire to have Him close. I like virtual communications to close the gap when we are apart and/or set the tone for when we get home - or next play. Getting back to your question, talk. Allow yourselves to have open and nonjudgmental conversations. All the way down to the darkest things of your hearts. It is often these things we are afraid to put down on the table for anyone to see. A secret between us and the universe. The truth has been for me that allowing a Dominant to completely express Himself to me has been both enlightening and trust-building moments. It is a very freeing moment. It does not all have to happen in one conversation, of course. It is Him showing me His truest self. Once piece at a time. And that is reciprocated. Until there is nothing secret between us. Letting your submissive know you and taking the time to know your submissive will allow you more creativity in your playtime. I've also found that I have a high octane imagination and can bring anything to life within the realm of my mind. This is true for what I envision my Dominant to be. However, this is not real life. My fantasies - while very erotic - are mine. They are one-sided. Simply because I share them with my Dominant does not mean my ending is His ending. There has to be room for me to give up what my outcome is to make room for His. My understanding is that this will work itself out through communication and establish dynamic - which is unique to us. I hope this helps - anyway. - ill 🌸 |
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Erick(sub male)
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4 years ago •
Jan 18, 2020
Well, I gather that you're not looking for a male sub. If you were, I'd try to hook up with you myself, right now. Because I'm looking for a Daddy. And I think you'd do. (Ha. Just being a brat. Can't help it sometimes. That's why I need a little control and a stern talking-to once in a while.)
But I think the female sub you're looking for probably wants the same things I do. We want a Daddy who will start out by treating us with a lot of courtesy and respect. Begin with some generalized, human being-type chat about Life, Work, Culture, Family, and so on. Then the flirting. Then maybe pitch some woo. But subtle. Not "So you like big dick in your throat?" Later, yes. But not yet. And once you establish the firm foundation of the budding relationship, then all the weird sex happens with relatively little effort. And you can create a LOT of passion using nothing more than words, when your partner has been primed to be receptive to them. |
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| benwah(dom male) |
4 years ago •
Jan 18, 2020
Erick- thank you for responding, I am looking for a female but you can send me a message if you wish. I may be able to help guide you to what your looking for.
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| benwah(dom male) |
4 years ago •
Jan 18, 2020
Re: Two-way Street Ilmare wrote: I think that your question applies to both Dominant and submissive.
I am in the same situation. I have not been in a formal D/s and I am searching for the right fit. I've met some amazing people along with way, but the distance is a problem for me. It is my desire to have Him close. I like virtual communications to close the gap when we are apart and/or set the tone for when we get home - or next play. Getting back to your question, talk. Allow yourselves to have open and nonjudgmental conversations. All the way down to the darkest things of your hearts. It is often these things we are afraid to put down on the table for anyone to see. A secret between us and the universe. The truth has been for me that allowing a Dominant to completely express Himself to me has been both enlightening and trust-building moments. It is a very freeing moment. It does not all have to happen in one conversation, of course. It is Him showing me His truest self. Once piece at a time. And that is reciprocated. Until there is nothing secret between us. Letting your submissive know you and taking the time to know your submissive will allow you more creativity in your playtime. I've also found that I have a high octane imagination and can bring anything to life within the realm of my mind. This is true for what I envision my Dominant to be. However, this is not real life. My fantasies - while very erotic - are mine. They are one-sided. Simply because I share them with my Dominant does not mean my ending is His ending. There has to be room for me to give up what my outcome is to make room for His. My understanding is that this will work itself out through communication and establish dynamic - which is unique to us. I hope this helps - anyway. - ill 🌸 Thank you for responding I thought I posted a reply to you but now I don’t see it. I agree with what you said and creative thinking is a must given that the time apart can be long. They say distance can make the heart grow fonder, which is true and when they play time arrives the passion can be explosive. If you would like to chat more my door is open to you- come in and sit down let’s talk |
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Erick(sub male)
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4 years ago •
Jan 18, 2020
@benwah:
Dear Sir-- As I have also replied in the other Forum question, thank you for BOTH of your public comments to me. You're very kind. I'm flattered and intrigued. And very excited by you. But just look at us. We're BOTH too cheap to pay for Premium memberships. So it appears we may not be able to communicate privately. Anyway, you've made my day. |
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Erick(sub male)
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4 years ago •
Jan 18, 2020
@benwah--
Dear Sir-- Well, I noticed that you had posted a way for me to contact you, but before I could copy it down, someone here deleted it. (Apparently The Cage has a rule against anyone posting an email address.) Exasperating, right? Sorry I didn't copy it quicker. |
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sweet november(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Jan 21, 2020
Oh my goodness....the door is wide open if you want to try to start with long distance! If you feel a connection with a submissive, get to know her.
Let her get to know to. Talk can be amazing and it is true that the brain is the biggest sex organ. Work on using your words, tone of voice and being consistent...but understanding. Set her mind free...once you can do that...the sky is the limit. Read erotic stories... learn how to use your voice like you mean it. Learn about creating scenes so you both can visualize it. Even use props while on the phone. It may be hard at first...i don't know you or your personality....but practice never hurts and if you or your sub mess up during a "scene" over the phone....laugh....it's ok! But...none of the above is possible without trust...on both sides...so it takes awhile. Enjoy the moments and time spent when you meet the one you just "connect" with. |
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