Chronic health issues

Chronic health issues

HisAngel • Mar 7, 2020

I was wondering if there were any other submissives out there that battled with chronic pain. I have fibromyalogia and just wanted to see how others dealt with it when playing. Does it seem to impact your D/s relationship in a negative way.

There are days I'm fine, days I'm in pain but it's manageable and then there are just days that I can't function very well. Those days we don't play. I just tell him I'm in a bad flair and he understands. That being said we are just starting to stick our toe on the water of this aspect of our relationship. We havent really dove in fully and won't be until privacy is more of a thing for us in the next month or so.

Are there different ways you address it if it becomes an issue mid scene. I don't think I'd necessarily want to safeword because of it but maybe signal that this specific thing is causing me pain and not in the way of enjoy without flat out having to stop things or ruin the flow. I don't know if I'm even explaining well what I mean.

I know as much as I love the idea of kneeling for him I wouldn't be able to hold that position as long as maybe some others would even with a pillow under me. It may be the same for other positions or situations and I just not realize it til we try it. I try to not let my health issues deter me too much but I also want to be safe obviously. He's vanilla and just learning (because he's amazing and supportive and is wanting to try) so I guess I'm worried if I don't express it the right way he may think instead of readjusting he has to stop.

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} • Mar 7, 2020

Yes yes yes and yes. I have some autoimmune issues and I struggle with things time to time and am unable to do certain things because of it. When something happens and I am limited, my Master works around it. He will give other tasks that won't affect the situation I am dealing with at the time. If things are really bad and I can't do anything at all, He respects that as well and we simply take a break from training or play until things are better.
My Master says.. There are always ways to work around things. You have to problem solve. I struggle mentally and just wrote a blog about it because I feel I am not good enough. But someone wrote a good comment and it reminded me that being a good submissive isn't about what we can or can't physically do from time to time. It's about what is in our hearts and what we give, the control we give up to our Dominant. It's about the connection and about serving and being theirs and following their lead. A good Master will take health issues and other life issues into consideration. They will understand and help you through these things.

My suggestion is having a talk with your Dom. Things can always be worked around and there is more than one way to train and play.

HisAngel • Mar 7, 2020

Thank you and yes I struggle with that mindset of not being good enough. I'm actually not allowed to talk negatively about myself it was one of the first 'rules' we decided on for everyday life. It's a bad habit of mine and some of it stems from my frustration in my own body sometimes not just in submission but in general. Im 32 and have had this going on since I was mid 20's so to be cut off from doing some of the things I used to be able to has taken a toll on my self esteem. He's helping me work on that.

I'll sit down with Him and see if we can come up with some less or non physical things to implement when my body just can't cooperate.

I'm sorry your dealing with health issues but thank you for commenting it feels good to not be alone in this.

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} • Mar 7, 2020

That is actually a great rule. I too am working on self-esteem and making improvements. I'm glad to hear that there is something helping you as well.

That sounds like an awesome plan. Communication is number one and I think just talking about different alternatives when certain activities can't be done is a great way to stay active and continue to feel good in fulfilling our roles to the best of our ability.

I too am sorry to see you are struggling with chronic health problems, but I also feel it's great to be able to talk to someone who can relate. 😊

Misterasmodai​(dom male) • Mar 7, 2020

As His little bunny said, communication is important. Maintaining a consistent communication, especially while playing, will help to establish an intuitive understanding over time that will allow you to incorporate any solutions you find into your play to minimize killing the flow of the scene.
Focusing on deference as opposed to outright physical displays of submission may help.
It is also important to remember that, while limiting how much you put yourself down is a good rule, you will still need to manage the emotional process that leads to you putting yourself down in the first place. I gave multiple subs with chronic conditions that have required personalized efforts to work through, and one of the most important has been touching regularly on the emotional toll taken by chronic conditions and the limits they place on us.
No one is perfect and we all have something we are working through.
You are certainly not alone.