What if he's not into BDSM?

DrWakko • Mar 28, 2020

https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?postid=159&blog_id=83

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • Mar 28, 2020

You can take a horse to water ...

but you can't make it tie you up

ropefish • Mar 28, 2020

Communication's really the only thing you can do. If you've tried *seriously* talking with him and he refuses to accept that this is a part of you that needs fulfillment... then he's not really listening to you or taking you seriously, is he? That kind of thing can - doesn't always, but can - spill over into other areas of the relationship.

I'm non-monogamous, so I have vanilla partners that don't satisfy my sub side whatsoever, and I have kinky partners that pick up that slack, so to speak. Non-monogamy isn't for everyone but it's an option that's out there. You can explore that. You can keep trying to convince him. You can give up the satisfaction of your submissive side. Or you can leave him and seek satisfaction elsewhere. They are all valid choices, and no one can say for sure which will be the healthiest for you. Just give it your best shot, and hopefully it works out. Good luck.

Re: What if he's not into BDSM?

Bella duPuy​(sub female){Not lookin} • Mar 29, 2020

_____
May i suggest that you ease Him into it by injecting, "Sir" where you would normally say His name?

Watch His reaction.

Make it subtle.

Increase your level of natural service (what you do without thinking) to & for Him.

Check out His reactions to these changes.

If He responds, and flows easily, He's being Himself, and it likely will not be very long before #HE broaches the subject with you.

Kinkiest of Loving Wishes for you, darlin

Bambi Vibes​(sub female) • Mar 29, 2020

My husband is similar. It's a hard boat to be in. I've tried everything I know to do to encourage him to join me in this and he is hesitant. Mine is not an alpha male in real life so it really was a stretch for me to ask. He's not dead set against it, but it just isn't in him. We've been together forever. I can't just quit my relationship either. It's so hard.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Mar 29, 2020

Maybe you could ease him into a little role play scenario, no ropes, just some good ol acting

MeekMarionette​(sub female){Not collar} • Mar 29, 2020

I appreciate all the advice encouraging words

@bella
I will definitely try the incognito version of slipping him and see how it goes, thanks for the suggestion

@electric
it is hard, we have been together 13 yrs, so when i say i really long time its not something i feel comfortable just up and leaving him over...if it had been a yr i could see myself doing it...and we have a child....just makes things so much more complicated, so i see your side very clearly

Sammi Babi UwU​(sub female) • Mar 29, 2020

I wish I had advice that will help him change form you. My husband hoped I'd grow out of this "Fad" for the last ten years... That being said, I've realized on our marital journey, compromise was our best option.

Over time, I've learned that each person has their own, "flavor" of sex. His needs may not always match yours and vice versa, but there's always the option of meeting in the middle.

Though it doesn't get his engine red lining, my husband is willing to tie me up, slap some (very mild, due to his squeamish tendencies) pain on me, and send me to the moon.

Even though I suffer with extreme prudish issues; when he commands it, I jump on top, while I say/touch in every vulgar/sexual way I can because he's verbally and auditorily stimulated.

Neither of these areas are our comfort zones. In fact, sometimes they feel completely opposite, but we've found ways to come together that satisfy us both. The more we've entered the others world, the more our joy and confidence grow.

I'm much more comfortable now talking dirty than I was when we began. (Because I've realized words are hard for me) and his ability to take over the bedroom has sky rocketed.
Also, I've learned that since he's willing an able to meet my needs, I don't find myself craving it every single time the way I used to. (Which may not be the end result for everyone) I've found that being tied up and dominated is something I only truly need once a week or two.

I hope this helped.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Mar 29, 2020

You cant make him into something that he is not.
Attempting to will only cause resentment and undermine the relationship as a whole.

No Body​(dom male) • Mar 29, 2020

Personaly I would have him just cominto one of our chat rooms and talk to us. We can answer those questions he has openly and honestly. Start and account for him and then talk to him about just listening to what we have to say.