A new sub, and the first play session. Ouch.

A new sub, and the first play session. Ouch.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Apr 6, 2020

Ok Subs and Doms alike,
I am new to kink, and No I didn't get into this because of that farse of a movie, 50 shades of abuse.
If a dom knows that it's a subs first time submitting and the sub has spoken of wanting to wait or being unsure about jumping in with both feet, should the dom ever utter the question asking the sub if they want to play or "be theirs"? It seems to me that its a violation of the sub and their first time for a dom to encourage this and then tell them within 24 hours after their first session that the dom can't take on another sub. Shouldn't these things be weighed by the dom beforehand?
I need sage wisdom from balanced perspectives. I don't have it at the moment outside the lesson learned of being damn sure that they can walk their talk before a first session.

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 6, 2020

Gotta give a dom somewhere to start!

I suggest a vanilla get-together or two, where you guys can get comfortable talking, then let him feel OK telling you where you guys want to start on the delicious road of BDSM. Or, alternately, once you are ready, tell him where you want to start.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 6, 2020

Meh,

Any "dom" that wants a girl to submit right away isn't a dom. What you have there is an HNG, (Horny 'Net Geek), or possibly someone completely inexperienced himself. Both can be very dangerous to you.

I invite you to read my posts on these subjects here in this section of the forums. Feel free to PM to if you have questions to which you would like a private answer, or simply comment on the posts, and I'll answer publicly.

The posts are: "Responsibility", "Commitment", "The Journey" and my newest: "Training cats".

Good luck!

No Body​(dom male) • Apr 7, 2020

This is not a life style where we can just jump into something and think everything will be fine. As a Dom we have to take things slow and easy when we get a new sub no matter how long she/he has been into BDSM. To rush in to this is ... well I have no match to describe how how wrong this was. The best advice I can give is to start off with get with a group that meet every so often and slowly get into it. In Dallas we had 3rd Fridays. Every third Friday we would gather and meet for diner and talk before going to the local dungeon.

It was safe for all the subs and we all got to know each other before and after any playing was done. We all knew each other and respected each other and respect is something you have to have no matter who you are.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Apr 7, 2020

Thanks Miki, Sky, and SR.
I appreciate the feedback. With the state of public society as it is, I don't know how possible it will be but I like the suggestion of finding a group that meets locally. It will have to wait until things change regarding possible virus contamination, but I think this is going to be my long term goal.

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 7, 2020

You should know yourself before getting to know a Dom, but both could happen at the same time as long as theres a connection and time well spent getting to know each other outside the lifestyle if such a thing exists for either of you. Personally I had be in the lifestyle and an active member of the community for over a decade prior to meeting my first slave which became my wife. The decade long wait isnt ideal, but looking back on it I can assure you it gave me plenty of time to not only get to know myself as a Master, but also to know the community and which groups I was better suited for as well as which groups are better suited for me

Soulfire​(sub female){Owned} • Apr 7, 2020

When I entered my relationship, neither myself nor my Daddy were looking for this. This just happened. He has slowly shown me videos or we have had discussions about things he likes and he’s slowly introduced me to opening my mind about kink and fetishes and D/s relationships. We’ve been together for a year and a half now and he’s patiently waited till I have been ready to truly explore. Which I keep thinking is unusual but now I am learning it’s just right.
I have only the reference of those terrible books and some movies so my fears were real and when he asked me to become his sub, and thankfully he didn’t enforce contracts or rules upon me, but waited till now for me to become comfortable enough to explore and seek guidance and education and to find other subs and doms alike to offer teaching and friendship.
Now, I’m ready to take the step off the platform and jump in, I am a little nervous, but with the foundation we have built over this last year I feel so much more comfortable asking questions and relaying thoughts and fears and desires.
I definitely have fears and with some of those fears I’m still very nervous about voicing my concern, but thankfully the things I’m afraid of are way more advanced and he said we won’t jump into those situations.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Apr 7, 2020

Thanks for the input House...
Soulfire, It sounds like you have the right Daddy. You give me hope.

Soulfire​(sub female){Owned} • Apr 7, 2020

Brat, I hope so. It has been a long time it seems for me to be ready for this. We’ve been together from day one. And some things have really been interesting for me to experience without knowing what it was I was feeling, doing, experiencing. I can not say enough about how lucky I do feel and that I do have the right Daddy.
And he says that he is like this because when he met me, he realized for the first time he wanted to be in it for the long long long term.
I have experienced some things I didn’t know I was going through but to not scare me, he gently led me through things (for ex. Sub-drop) without labeling or scaring me.
My eyes are opening now and I can not stop reading and my appetite for learning is just blooming. I am so excited now.
Keep hope friend. From one newbie to another 💓
I’d be happy to privately share experiences. As this is something I’m searching for myself... another sub going through the same things I am 😊

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Apr 7, 2020

Thank you Soulfire. I will take you up on that. I'd be happy to lend an ear as well. I may not have any real D/S experience to draw from outside of what I posted but I still have the rest of life to draw from.