Corrupt A Wish

Granted... but it thinks it’s a fish.

I wish I could solve any problem.

Granted.. but you can only solve any problem at the low price of sacrificing your life for it.


The catfish was cute.


I wish I could read books for a career

Granted, you are able to read books for a career and it is a very popular choice for many. Unfortunately due to past convictions you are not allowed to follow this career path.

I wish I could stay focused on one thing at a time.

Granted you can only focus on breathing, or one other thing but you have to hold your breath.



I wish I small furry pet to hug and tend too.

Granted: You have a hamster, but you have to keep it in a cage because it hates you and every time you open the door it bites you and tries to run away.

I wish I lived in a mansion.

Granted: You live in a mansion but have to share a room with R. Kelly who keeps you in the closet.



I wish I had a great sex life.

Granted: but your relationship sucks otherwise and your SO is a lousy cook

I wish I was a famous author

Granted: But all your sex partners are little people

I wish I had smaller breast

Granted your flat chested everyone thinks your a boy, and your not allowed in the women's restroom


I wish I had a good long running car without breakdowns

What a fun game! You all are making me laugh so much!

Duke, you are hereby bequeathed with a good long running car without breakdowns, but it comes with anti-removable moving parts in the form of fifteen chatty mother-in-laws who can bitch 120MPH in chalkboard-scratching tones.

I wish I had a hot, beefy waiter, a BDSM booth in a dungeon diner and a juicy ribeye steak.