Do you like strong submissive woman?

House Talion​(dom male) • May 5, 2020

Everything about you is a precious gift. You apparently been talking to the wrong kind of Doms. I'd certainly enjoy a sub like you cause a sub like you would stand up to others for you and me

AngelBunny • May 6, 2020

One of my fears is not to be able to be myself as a submissive. I worry for those submissives who give up everything for a Dom and become the perfect submissve/slave. I know there are some wonderful Doms out there but what do you have left when that Dom is gone? I wonder too if the Dom is shooting himself in the foot. Wouldn't you become bored once you had trained your sub/slave and they no longer had a personality or other interests? Perhaps that is why some of them need so many different sub/slaves. I don't mean to offend anyone. I realize my experience and knowledge is very limited. I'm just the type of person to question things. Would I be expected to give up my curiosity? My critical thinking? I hope to find a Dom who would appreciate these things about me.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 6, 2020

@AngelBunny

No Dom worth his salt is going to want you to give up yourself, entirely. Give up critical thinking? Seriously? Hell no! Give up curiosity? Again no.

Becoming a sub/slave doesn't wipe out your personality. It isn't a state of tabula rasa. To the contrary, it enhances it. We all have "rough edges" the training involved in becoming a slave/sub simply knocks off a few rough edges. You will *always* have a personality. You will always have other interests. No dom would want to drive that from you, even assuming he could. (It's quite impossible, by the way).

There's no such thing as "the perfect sub/slave", because there's no such thing as a "perfect human." Even if there were a "perfect sub", it wouldn't be a girl driven completely blank -- an automaton, punching bag, or welcome mat to be walked over.

Look at it this way.... A dom looks at a sub as a work of art with a lot of potential. A few careful strokes of the brush here, and there, or chipping away with a hammer and chisel here or there, or perhaps fixing some broken connections. The art will never be finished, nor perfect. The hope is to bring the art closer to perfection. In this way the sub flowers in her submission. She doesn't flounder, she thrives and is able to build her happiness in a structured environment which provides her safety and security, sheltered from the chaos of the outside world.

It is not a destructive process. It's constructive. It is not "brain washing".

Hypothetically, were I your dom, I would be interested in your interests, I'd be fascinated by your curiosity, I would encourage these things, and give them direction and purpose. I sure as hell would not attempt to take them from you. That would be counter-productive. Please see my blog posts titled "Responsibility", "Commitment" and "The Journey" if you haven't already.

AngelBunny • May 6, 2020

@Rich,

You seem to have a way of explaining things I find to be helpful. I definitely have some rough edges I hope a Dom will help me smooth out. I have read your posts before and one of the things that stuck with me was when you suggested utilizing a subs skills and talents. I have a creative side and am an empathetic listener and I hope a Dom would want to utilize my skills/talents.

LordofPain56 • May 6, 2020

There are types who are totally dependent, helpless and have little or no initiative to make any decisions for themselves, and that's okay by me (although I haven't personally known any), I never needed a girl to cook clean, sew, do laundry, run errands, pitch-in financially, as I have always done all those things myself (and from what I have seen, I may have the cleanest, most well-organized house on the block). So, I always thought that a dependent type would be happy here, and I could teach her things, make her life more interesting and build up her confidence. It would be fun.
Then there's the types who claim to be independent, but cannot manage their own lives, mess up their employment one way or another and make excuses for their failures. I have known a few of these and have given advice and/or showed them how to be successful in their endeavors, but they did not seem to have the capacity to learn. Fine, you gotta have some understanding. I can deal.
I haven't personally known a girl with a good head on her shoulders, is conscientious and has the drive to be successful in her interests. I always thought she would fit in here well also, except that I feared that someone like her might feel that they could contribute more (taking away some of the responsibilities I have always been doing), and therefore would begin to feel dissatisfied with the division of responsibilities (even though they are specifically stated in the "covenant"). But you know, sometimes people can gloss over that initially. However, if that did become a problem for her, she could always just open her mouth and speak. And I would be willing to revise what we had previously agreed upon.
I can't see many problems arising in a relationship if both Dom and sub are following the "covenant". Everything is in there. Everything has been thought out in advance.
To me, it's more about the persons personality, capacity to love, sense of morality, willingness to learn and selflessness than it is about how she's bent in the dependency/independency department.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 6, 2020

@AngelBunny

" I have a creative side and am an empathetic listener and I hope a Dom would want to utilize my skills/talents. "

That's easily managed. Don't submit to any Dom that doesn't. YOU get to decide to whom you will submit. The choice isn't his. Have *lots* of conversations with potential Doms. Bounce questions off of them. Find out their interests, and see if it's a match to yours. The right Dom will want *all* of you, and he *will* put your talents to use.

As an example, I helped to put my De through medical training to become a certified phlebotomist. I then helped her put her resume together, and coached her on getting a job. I used her interests, talents and skills, and I am quite proud of her achievements. She was twice called up by the National Phlebotomy Testing Center to help revise and rewrite the national certification test. And, yes, she did all of this while wearing my collar. (Except when going anywhere near an MRI or other strong magnetic field). She got lots of compliments, ("what a lovely and unique necklace"), and some knowing smirks from those few who understood it for what it was.

The point being... If I had attempted to erase this part of her, she would have rejected that and rejected me. And she would've been CORRECT to do so. " It's your choice. It's always been your choice. " -- Tilda Swinton as Gabriel in "Constantine".

AngelBunny • May 6, 2020

@Rich,

That is so awesome what you did for your sub! Thank you for the encouragement! Also, I love that movie!