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Does monogamy exist in the D/s world?

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IODiCeShOt
4 days ago • 05/22/2020 4:27 pm
IODiCeShOt • 05/22/2020 4:27 pm
For people who are in a D/s relationship currently and are contented it’s simple. When you’re in the process of finding the one, then you have to be a bit more open minded for a while even if you don’t necessarily want to be.

If I think I’m hitting it off with someone I don’t actively go looking or try to juggle, because in all honesty how can you really get to know and invest in someone if you or they have a scatter gun approach. It’s at which point that changes that’s the tricky part, but when you get to the stage when you’re both fully invested then I’m for monogamy.
SoulSearcher​(sub female)
4 days ago • 05/22/2020 5:31 pm
SoulSearcher​(sub female) • 05/22/2020 5:31 pm
Thank you for posing this question. I was wondering the same thing. I tried poly, I gave it a good honest go. It was an interesting experience but definitely proved to myself that I am a monogamous person. Most poly people tell me that mono people are selfish, insecure, territorial, etc. I don't do not believe I am any of these things. I often counter that the same could be said about poly. Relationships require alot time, attention, communication, and hard work. Trying to do that with multiple people is exhausting for me. And yes, I admit i do not like to share. I found that in the poly dynamics I have tried I was always lacking attention in some area.

My main issue is that I do not have any ill feelings about people that are poly. But poly people seem to attack mono people and make them feel bad for being mono. Most of the poly people that I have talked to have stated that mono is abnormal and so am I. It's frustrating.
Dellydoodah​(sub female)
4 days ago • 05/22/2020 6:17 pm
Dellydoodah​(sub female) • 05/22/2020 6:17 pm
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

Mark Twain


nuff said
tallslenderguy​(sub male)
4 days ago • 05/22/2020 6:18 pm
tallslenderguy​(sub male) • 05/22/2020 6:18 pm
SoulSearcher wrote:
Thank you for posing this question. I was wondering the same thing. I tried poly, I gave it a good honest go. It was an interesting experience but definitely proved to myself that I am a monogamous person. Most poly people tell me that mono people are selfish, insecure, territorial, etc. I don't do not believe I am any of these things. I often counter that the same could be said about poly. Relationships require alot time, attention, communication, and hard work. Trying to do that with multiple people is exhausting for me. And yes, I admit i do not like to share. I found that in the poly dynamics I have tried I was always lacking attention in some area.

My main issue is that I do not have any ill feelings about people that are poly. But poly people seem to attack mono people and make them feel bad for being mono. Most of the poly people that I have talked to have stated that mono is abnormal and so am I. It's frustrating.


If you are having trouble finding mono people who "attack [poly] people (and pretty much most sexual variants) and make them feel bad for being [poly]..." where "most of the mono people [that you will talk to state] that [poly] is abnormal...," visit a fundamentalist church. Funny how poly people can be just as fundamentalist in their beliefs as some religious people can. The drive to be THE RIGHT one doesn't seem to be unique to any ism?

Accusing someone of being "selfish" seems a selfish (and manipulative) argument to me. i think the notion that there is only one 'right' way to do relationship is "selfish, insecure, territorial, etc." whether the person who is trying to convince their self they are "right" is mono or poly. Who isn't trying to satisfy a need or want in their self in an intimate relationship, be they poly or mono or____________?

Isn't "selfish" the notion that the only way is 'my' way?
skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat}
4 days ago • 05/22/2020 7:24 pm
skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • 05/22/2020 7:24 pm
NoOneofConsequence wrote:
Also, mono-amorous people don't deal with the cessation of a past relationship well. This means that even if they are NOT currently in a relationship, they may be trying to get over a past "failure" and not be ready to look at another one. Just how long this takes varies from person to person. Some require as much time to grieve as if the person died. And don't even get me started on if their person actually does die!


Amen, brother, amen.
tallslenderguy​(sub male)
4 days ago • 05/22/2020 8:08 pm
tallslenderguy​(sub male) • 05/22/2020 8:08 pm
NoOneofConsequence wrote:

Also, mono-amorous people don't deal with the cessation of a past relationship well. This means that even if they are NOT currently in a relationship, they may be trying to get over a past "failure" and not be ready to look at another one. Just how long this takes varies from person to person. Some require as much time to grieve as if the person died. And don't even get me started on if their person actually does die!

Alternatively, polyamorous people stereotypically have a much shorter rebound curve. "There are other fish in the sea." IF they even need to not have a current relationship before they are open to another.
.


Huh, i never looked at this response in terms of being "mono-amorous."

i was married to a woman most of my life. We were sexually incompatible (i'm gay and we were both sub, long story [rolls eyes]). But i love/loved this person. Even she didn't understand that. Before we divorced, she had to hear from me that i didn't love her, nor ever did. It wasn't true. Her beliefs had to put us into that box in order for them to survive intact.

i think compatability is often confused with love, and vice versa.

i wonder about the people who think it is wrong to speak of former loves with their current. Personally, in an intimate relationship i want to know every detail of how you feel and think, how can i know YOU if i insist you cut that part of your heart out? That relationship/s is part of what makes you you. i think there is something wrong if i need to custom make you to fit me?
SoulSearcher​(sub female)
4 days ago • 05/22/2020 8:30 pm
SoulSearcher​(sub female) • 05/22/2020 8:30 pm
tallslenderguy wrote:
SoulSearcher wrote:
Thank you for posing this question. I was wondering the same thing. I tried poly, I gave it a good honest go. It was an interesting experience but definitely proved to myself that I am a monogamous person. Most poly people tell me that mono people are selfish, insecure, territorial, etc. I don't do not believe I am any of these things. I often counter that the same could be said about poly. Relationships require alot time, attention, communication, and hard work. Trying to do that with multiple people is exhausting for me. And yes, I admit i do not like to share. I found that in the poly dynamics I have tried I was always lacking attention in some area.

My main issue is that I do not have any ill feelings about people that are poly. But poly people seem to attack mono people and make them feel bad for being mono. Most of the poly people that I have talked to have stated that mono is abnormal and so am I. It's frustrating.


If you are having trouble finding mono people who "attack [poly] people (and pretty much most sexual variants) and make them feel bad for being [poly]..." where "most of the mono people [that you will talk to state] that [poly] is abnormal...," visit a fundamentalist church. Funny how poly people can be just as fundamentalist in their beliefs as some religious people can. The drive to be THE RIGHT one doesn't seem to be unique to any ism?

Accusing someone of being "selfish" seems a selfish (and manipulative) argument to me. i think the notion that there is only one 'right' way to do relationship is "selfish, insecure, territorial, etc." whether the person who is trying to convince their self they are "right" is mono or poly. Who isn't trying to satisfy a need or want in their self in an intimate relationship, be they poly or mono or____________?

Isn't "selfish" the notion that the only way is 'my' way?



I say live and let live. I do not want to be right. No one has to do it my way. I just don't like being bashed or made to feel bad because I am mono. Ultimately, it is my hopes to find someone who is on the same page.
JessicaShadow​(sub female){ToDaddy}
4 days ago • 05/23/2020 1:23 am
JessicaShadow​(sub female){ToDaddy} • 05/23/2020 1:23 am
uh, id say its very untrue. I have been very happily married to my Owner for 4 years. and we're monogamous. have always been. will always be.

Unfortunately, before I met Daddy, i will admit that some of the gentlemen that messaged me (not ALL of them, but id say maybe half) were married or had other gf/wives/whatever. I always told them that i was looking for someone who was single. And usually, id get an "ok, thanks, good luck" there were some, like your lovely little message (sarcasm anyone?) who would not take rejection easily.
LaVieEnRose​(sub female)
1 day ago • 05/25/2020 9:34 pm
LaVieEnRose​(sub female) • 05/25/2020 9:34 pm
I feel like I’m only stating what everyone has already said, monogamy and BDSM are not mutually exclusive just read through the blogs.

Initially when you’re getting to know people you may talk to multiple people and in that sense not be monogamous but once you’ve made a connection you want to pursue as long as you both agree then you can certainly be monogamous.

This lifestyle doesn’t preclude any beliefs you have already and to me it is flexible enough that you can mould it to be what suits you and your partners best!
RayBug
1 day ago • 05/26/2020 12:02 am
RayBug • 05/26/2020 12:02 am
Monogamy 100% exists in the D/s world. It's no different from there being multiple types of relations outside of the BDSM aspect of things. Monogamy, polyamory, swingers, etcetc can exist in and outside of the D/s world. There is no standard.