Failed relationships, I'm the only one, right?

nella_bmar​(other gender queer){sissy - un} • Sep 29, 2017

thanks for all those lovely replies, I'm ok with it now, but still basking in the memory, the good ones, anyway.

Don_Braum​(sub male){No} • Oct 8, 2017

Nella_bmar I think a lot of the comments are very wise. I'm new to all this, but from my experience it is hard to find closure in any kind of relationship. When it ends, its generally about communication. I'm sure there's a lot of information that you left out, but from reading it I have the sense that the real time bomb had something to do with her "friend". Better communication may have uncovered that, but people don't always have clarity of the emotional issues in their own lives. So it's possible that there was never anything you could have done that would have altered things. As someone with a background in psych all I can really say is learn what you can and move on with the personal enrichment it gives you. Don't be dishonest with yourself, because if you do, you may set yourself up for another flawed communication relationship. That thing about self-honesty is not as easy as it sounds. At least in my life it hasn't been. I wish you well and emotional strength!

Looking forward to a great time

Sha​(other male){29} • Dec 22, 2017

Shaheed.henderson@yahoo.com im truely looking for a woman who

Re: Looking forward to a great time

Sha​(other male){29} • Dec 22, 2017

Taramafor​(sub male) • Dec 24, 2017

Complex in some ways, simple in others. How "I" became a sub includes the topic. So I can only draw on that. I'll try to break things down a bit first.

The simple version:
It's something that tends to develop with company. Closer company tends to have more of an "impact". Then things happen that might be different to most yet might be good when applied between you and whoever you're with. This is easier to understand when a sub is tied down and being whipped (eg: the sub enjoys it in some shape or form as well as the dom), but what isn't so easy to understand is how these things become enjoyable outside of things like "scenes".

Perhaps the easiest way to explain this is in terms of those kind of people that might put on angry faces with each other and throw punches at each other yet nonetheless have some bond between them even if neither would admit it. Just to put things into context.

To further add to that context imagine running off with someones drink, having them catch up to you and getting hurt for it in some shape or form only to kiss them if only to shut yourself up. Obviously after some conversation and warming up to each other beforehand, even if only for a few moments.

Now imagine one thing leading to another and ending up sticking around each other happily together.

The complicated version:
for my part I started wondering about "hurting each other" when it came to an angry ex wishing only the worst of me. Suffice to say I've had my fair share of bad relationships. Never let it get to me though. Somehow on good terms despite comments like "i want to stick a knife in your leg 'till you squeal". There are many reasons people get afraid and mistrust. Many reasons people wish to harm us. Most know of the "bad" ways of going about that. There can be reasons like "That other ex I sent your way shot herself and I heard it on skype". And that's only half the story. How I ended up with good things happening after that with those involved I have no idea. Not holding a grudge works wonders I guess.

What most people don't know are the "good" ways of hurting each other. Given the above is it any wonder people are so hesitant to even consider that? Surprising I did come to think of it. People can be afraid to trust. But if there's no risk of that there's never anyone having your back. This circles back to pain. Be it emotional, physical or mental. Often a combination. The more I risk, the more I get. That's not to say I be there for any random person though. Actually strangers I feel nothing for. What have they done for me? Someone has to express some level of interest in me, but once that happens I give it my all. Even with angry exes. Which somehow leads to being close again. It's only years after mulling all the past events over that I started to ponder the more physical side of it. Different yet the same. Reasons behind it. Risk and reward. Often the reason is fear. This tends to end badly. Replace fear with other reasons and it tends to fair better. Regardless of the actions. And yet I'm into fearplay. Though of the kind that can be controlled and given direction.

I'm not sure when I figured I was a sub but I do know this. I need someone that isn't afraid to hurt me. That's doesn't translate to "enjoying" pain, simply that I need that for the same reason I walk up to someone and go "Quit sparring my feelings and tell me the truth, not all the nice stuff you normally say. Also that's not nice to to me, I need another approach in the pursuit of my happiness." Long story short, don't spare my feelings. For the exact reason I might tell someone "Quit lying to each other in a relationship just because you're afraid to tell each other the truth". Does it hurt? Yes. But does it lead to resolving things and leaning from mistakes? Cue punishments. Cue D/s. It all fits. What doesn't cue for me so much is "scenes". Mainly because I need what's real, not what's acted out. I need the truth or bust. BDSM items can be used and involved of course but what I need the most is the bond and connection. And I don't settle for anything less or the illusion of it. If someone hurts me it's because I either messed up or they know a part of me enjoys it because it's part of the "flirting process". Which can seem very alien when not yet experienced.