The respectful way to "approach" a potential Dom?

HisHunnyBun​(sub female){Taken} • May 31, 2020

Exactly!!!

Like they say

Honesty is the best medicine

Truth will set you free

I could name others but those were the two that came to mind.

IODiCeShOt • May 31, 2020

The thing to remember is that the first contact dilemma is the same for subs and Doms alike.

But from a Primal Dom perspective I prefer a friendly and instinctive approach as opposed to one that’s over analytical. If I think there may be legs to it, then I’d really want to get to know who you are first and foremost...in essence what makes your brain tick.That’s both vanilla life and bdsm by the way. I don’t want to be your Sir from the off.....I want to like and respect you first!

As already pointed out by others, make sure the Dom has just enough info at his fingertips to make a judgement call over whether to respond and if so how and why. This may be genuine interest as a potential sub or just a friendship message...or a friendly conversation which may actually grow into the former.

The three things that tend to turn me off initially:

1.) Messages that say “Hey” or “Hi” with not much else to go on. Although I generally respond to most messages, these will likely contain an equally dismal reply.

2.) A profile that has virtually no information on it but a nice looking photo. This to me screams “I don’t need to write anything, just look at me” ....”err no thanks move on”.

3.) A (single) profile that reads like an audition.There’s nothing wrong with setting out your preferences as long as it doesn’t read that “I’m not approachable and maybe just a little conceited”.

Once the conversation is flowing and you feel confident that the Dom maybe someone you would like to explore and invest in further, be honest and open up. I don’t mean give him your phone number and address after a couple of days, but don’t hold back on who you are or try to be someone your not....and that goes both ways.

Lastly always remember (humbly) just how much “you” have to offer the Dom and all of “your” positives!

I wish you the best of luck

LostGirl Aria​(sub female){♡G.W.N.♡} • May 31, 2020

Thank you, EVERYONE!

I definitely will keep all I've been suggested in mind! Absolutely all wonderful & useful advice!

LostGirl

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 31, 2020

Thanks for asking this, i think it's a great topic for discussion.... and based on all the replies, apparently others do to. i haven't had a chance to read all the replies yet, only a few, as i have to get ready and go to work, but wanted to add my thoughts to the mix and will come back when off work and read-so sorry if i repeat someone else.

To me the question is more inclusive, i.e., How do i approach anyone respectfully. i get that as a sub there is a distinction and you're not likely going to be approaching a "potential sub" if you're a sub.

i personally do not assume presumed submission to anyone. i have a submissive nature and pretty much all my male patients at the hospital where i work are "sir" for me, but i am not submitting to them. It shuts me down, or puts up a red flag when a guy has an instant expectation that i be submissive just because he tells me he is "Dom." i submit to the Person, not the title or label, and i have to see or hear some part of that Person before my sub part responds or is more in the open?

i think it takes courage to approach another person, the person approaching takes all the initial risk of rejection from what i see. i do not see that as the responsibility of the Dom or sub, i.e. i think either can initiate. To me the most respectful way to be approached is to look and listen and try to connect to who you see and hear. I read their profile or an ad they have written or a post, and i tell them what i read, saw of them and say how what the wrote effected me and why it made me interested. i am trying to respond to Them, or at least my perception of them.

i'm not one for generic approach because that to me is not an approaching them, it's more like darting out in front of a car and hoping the driver will stop and talk with me (or if one is a masochist, they may hope the driver hits them). my point is, generic approach feels to me like the person is trying to manipulate me to approach them, that they want me to take the risk and they are afraid to. i think it should be a fairly equal exchange to keep going, but i think putting oneself out there a little bit (hopefully in a profile) gives that person something of you to respond to, but approaching them vs just approaching is key to me. i hope that makes sense? gotta get to work

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jun 1, 2020

i've read through all of the responses to this question now and want to express my gratitude to everyone who responded. There are so many wonderfully thoughtful responses and they were very encouraging for me to read. i've felt odd and on the outside for so long, (i think that can happen easily online? ) when it comes to communication. i just have not encountered people in settings like this who are articulate and want to communicate beyond a rudimentary level, so i feel particularly rich and encouraged by the many serious, open people here, who put effort and thought into communicating and connecting with each other.

Thank you all for taking the time and effort to write and share your selves.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jun 3, 2020

Just like with any other lifestyle, find a topic or something about them that you beleive mutually enjoy and TALK to them. Keep their attention with on subject questions

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Jun 3, 2020

Reaching out to someone is fairly simple whether you are a sub, a dom, a switch...... the guidelines are mostly the same.
1. Read the profile AND PAY ATTENTION. If someone has specific requests or guidelines for contact they will usually be in their profile somewhere. Read them and respect them.
2. SHOW RESPECT to anyone the same as if you were meeting them IN PERSON. Being online does not give you or anyone else the right to do what ever you feel like.
3. Be honest with them and yourself. If you are in a bad head space, or have ambiguous things going on.... be honest enough to give them a chance to decide if they are ready to come along for the ride.
It boils down to basic human decency.
4. STOP MAKING THINGS MORE COMPLICATED THAN THEY NEED TO BE. Nuff said.

SlothForce1​(dom male) • Jun 3, 2020

I've been on the site for a while now so here's the advice I have to give, and some do's and don'ts.

Do:
Keep it simple and straightforward: Who are you, where are you, what are you looking for, and what about the potential Dom caught your eye.
Talk about yourself: Nobody likes a message that just says "hi," see above.
Ask questions: Did something on their profile confuse you? Do you have a question regarding a limit? Ask. If you feel uncomfortable asking right away, ask if it's alright if you can ask a few questions about them.
Make your intentions clear from the beginning. For example, "I'm only looking for an online Dom."
Read over your message several times before sending it. Correct mistakes, make clarifications, etc.

Don't:
Copy and paste a message over and over to send to any Dom you come across.
Keep it... too simple. "Hi, how are you?" is fine. But if you want your message to stand out, you need to put a little more effort in. If you want a detailed reply, send a detailed initial message.
Send a message without reading someone's profile fully: Many people have important information on their profile. For example, "I'm only looking for something in person." Ask yourself, would I be willing to meet a Dom in person?
Not really a don't but watch your tone. I've gotten messages that came off as insulting or condescending, despite that person's intention.
Also, don't send a message in response to someone "loving" your profile that just says why you don't like them. I've gotten a couple messages that are literally just "too young for me." It's kind of rude.

Don't be self conscious about message length! If you have something to say go ahead and say it. I have messages saved from YEARS ago that I received because they were long, well thought out and an absolute joy to read. The opposite works as well. If you think you've said everything you want just go ahead and hit send. Don't feel like you have to write an essay.

That's all of my advice! Hope I helped.

Cello Master​(dom male) • Jun 4, 2020

My beautiful slave who I met on this site approached me. The first thing she messaged me was “I find you to be fascinating “ . It has been the most rewarding relationship of my life. I would encourage you to speak your heart and mind. That is never a bad thing

Cello Master​(dom male) • Jun 5, 2020

I am speaking as a man of course but if you even express your deepest desires to him it will be good. Honestly, it was a little scary for me at first, because I’ve never been approached so directly by a woman before , And I was worried that maybe she talked like this to everybody ...but after talking and texting I realized that she was very very sincere in wanting to get to know me better.

This is all about relationships. And these relationships are very strong, and can be very intense. They can be incredibly fulfilling . Follow your heart.