MissBonnie wrote:
Just for clarification, I don't force anything. I seduce consent to something they secretly already want to do. .
To me, MissBonnie nails this.
i've been thinking of a similar topic for years, i.e., "humiliation" and why it has appeal on both sides for some of us?
i recently put the pieces of the puzzle together and think i understand what is often happening. i know/knew there is a form of "humiliation" that is a deep erotic need in me, but the word "humiliation" doesn't quite fit for me because it leaves an opening for the mean, hateful, bullying intents that can similarly be behind the "force" so many identify in this thread. i came up with the word "affectionate humiliation" to try and give a different connotation to the word. Still "affectionate humiliation" was/is a stumbling block, just a smaller one. But saying it that way usually gives opportunity or pause for further explanation. Some end up getting and others do not. i also have a need/desire for 'grooming,' a word that also has a very negative association, but for me is a form of consented seduction that happens on a very subtle level.
What i think is happening is "force, humiliation, grooming, ____________, etc.," fall into a category of taboo. Most of us here have discovered that we fall outside the so called "norm." But we are conditioned from an early age that who and how we are is "wrong, bad, broken, evil, perverted, sinful, sick, __________." i think this sets up a list of negative emotional, cognitive, psychological responses to who and what we actually are. i.e., the reality of who and what we are is in conflict with what we have been conditioned to belief 'should be.'
In this case, a person may be bisexual and has the needs and wants of a bisexual, but also has the internal (and maybe some external) culturally conditioned barriers against who and what they are, want and need. i think the "force" is really past those barriers, not against who or what that person is or needs.
The other half of this for me is something several brought up, and that is the connection of mutual need/want. The connection of mutual want/need, not just a one sided need/want being catered too.
Some of the 'natural' attributes i think make a "Dom" are the needs/desires for control, to put Their Self and creative energy into, to penetrate, inseminate, impregnate, are a few of the words that i use to describe a "Dom," and that push my buttons. As a sub, my needs/desires correspond to those of a Dom, to submit control, etc.. To me, it's a manifestation of nature, sort of like positive ions attracted to negative ions that form a bond when there is 'chemistry.'
Humans are more complex than ions. We have things like emotion and society affecting us, things we have to "force" past to get free. i think the "force" can be against the prison walls that often surround us.