A step too far - permanent chastity - celibacy

A step too far - permanent chastity - celibacy

outsideleft​(other male) • Dec 31, 2017

I have, just, recently been in the initial stages of serving a Domina - I had hoped that if found worthy, I may be considered as a personal submissive.

I have recently discovered that this Domina sees no reason for Her sub's to experience any form of sexual pleasure.


It has proven difficult, so far, to develop the discussion with Her with regard to whether this means the likes of no piv, or blowjobs or cumming pleasurably ???

Or if it means no permission to engage in actions within which She finds pleasure - when I tried to raise the issue, I was rebuffed with 'you are a sub, you do not get to fuck your Domme...' This in spite of me saying this was not my expectation.

I think I am prepared to go into chastity for a Domme, as long as I have a robust sex life - gaining my pleasure from serving toward Her pleasure alone - this would need to involve outcomes like 'pegging...ruined orgasms...milkings...lots of oral...multi-toy usage...sexually serving others' sexual acts that bring Her sexual pleasure.

I have had such a violent reaction to the idea of having no sexual life whatsoever, that it appears clear to me, that even if I committed to such a submission, that I would find it almost impossible to maintain integrity toward such a consent.


As I understand it, submission is about both gaining enjoyment - the sub vicariously, on many occasions via the Domme's enjoyment.

To be excluded from my Domme's sex life, and not allowed a sex life of my own with others, would be a step too far for me.

Such a life is too close to religious behaviour and I will not live like religious people.

If my submission was to be one of domestic, transport, shopping, serving duties - without any chance of sex, I might as well have remained in vanilla and gotten married there - I did not come to kink, to live a vanilla life.


Until negotiations are complete and a detailed agreement is reached for a D/s dynamic - as I've been informed for the Female's and my best interests, it is better to only submit to things I believe I can act toward with integrity.


So, I guess, I'm more a sub and less and less a slave - perhaps a sensuous sub ?

Perhaps I have switch tendencies, I am learning rope - my wish for sexual involvement - not wanting to hand everything away - to have some say in goings on...


This is the first D/s engagement that has developed beyond very initial stages - I do very love serving this Domme and will be very sad if our views on D/s details cannot meet - but at this time, there remains two of us, not just Her - to offer Her a submission within which I believe I will be unhappy, discontent and disagreeable would seen more disrespectful toward this Domme than declaring myself unable to meet Her limits for sub behaviour - gee, even writing this last sentence or two is painful.

outsideleft​(other male) • Dec 31, 2017

Just doing a little deeper search and found:


chastity

1 the state or practice of refraining from extramarital, or especially from all, sexual intercourse.


sexual intercourse

1 sexual contact between individuals involving penetration, especially the insertion of a man's erect penis into a woman's vagina, typically culminating in orgasm and the ejaculation of semen.




celibacy

1 the state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations.


From these definitions, then, I could submit with utter integrity to chastity, but not to celibacy.

I will forward these definitions to this Domina to see how She is viewing things.


Like I said, I would very love to submit to Her - becoming Her personal submissive and in chastity to Her would be my idea of the sublime.

evergrey​(sub female){Ashigeru} • Jan 1, 2018

Celibacy is by far not everyone's deal, and it's totally ok to have that be a hard limit for you- even as a slave.

Miki​(masochist female) • Jan 1, 2018

Nope....

Even going by one post I can be reasonably sure this relationship will not work. It is one thin for a dom or domme to limit the sexual expression of their sub and quite another to flat out deny it. The benefits of the former are clear. A much more powerful experience for the sub, males especially, when sexuality is "allowed". But to just shut you down completely.. There I smell a man-hater and you would do well to move on. I'm getting bad vibes just reading about it.

Shit-can this so-called "domme" and get another one. Even if she "concedes" on "paper" to allow you "release", I wouldn't trust her at all. The level of disrespect she shows you is a demonstration that she is not too likely to respect "boundaries and terms" on paper, but the longer you persist in this dynamic, the harder it'll be to walk away.

Not to mention, far-fetched-though-it-may-be, the easiest way to make sure you never blow a load again would be to saw off your dick when you are most vulnerable.

She doesn't sound much like a "domme" as she does a cold-blooded sadist.

Run while you still got that middle leg, fella.

evergrey​(sub female){Ashigeru} • Jan 1, 2018

Yeah, with very rare exception when someone is truly asexual, denying all sexual pleasure and release is going to cause a lot of mental and emotional distress. If it isn't something you actively want, and desire to give enthusiastic consent to doing, don't. Honestly, sounds like a man hater to me, too.

A good domme wouldn't try to require such a thing of someone who isn't 100% desirous of it.

A good mistress would not harm her slave in such a way... And it WOULD be harmful.

outsideleft​(other male) • Jan 1, 2018

Thanks for the reinforcement - I don't know Her well enough at this time to be making conclusive decisions.


What I was hoping for is what has happened, other's giving me a sense of the situation.

I am somewhat awash with wanting to serve this Domme and am at risk of making submissions I cannot fulfill, just to continue serving.


Thanks

evergrey​(sub female){Ashigeru} • Jan 1, 2018

Sub frenzy is real, yo.
But red flags don't go away when you push past them. You don't want those mental scars, take it from me.

Miki​(masochist female) • Jan 1, 2018

All kindness intended, what you wrote above-- 1st post above, that is, should be grounds for one conclusive decision. If she is adamant about forcing you into celibacy and strongly rebuffed you when you wanted to discuss the matter, as in, to quote the first post 'you are a sub, you do not get to fuck your Domme...' -- you know her well enough to make one concrete decision, and that is Health and Safety First. Unless she cracks a big smile and laughs warmly "I was just joking!"-- you are heading straight into the jaws of a bad scene.

I'm not going to belabor the point beyond this last post. So, one more time and with all due respect, that you say you are "awash with wanting to serve this Domme" seems to indicate you either don't think there is any better out there, or you're fixated on this woman to the point of being at risk of making submissions you cannot fulfill.

In your shoes I'd get the hell out of that situation before it's too late. However, your decision must be your own. Once again maybe she is "testing" your submissiveness, maybe she's joking, and maybe too she's a cold-blooded sadist, one beyond the reasonable limits of "BDSM".

Choose wisely, fella!

Roadman0911​(sub male) • Jan 12, 2018

I am working on becoming a slave. At this point in time I am enjoying not being allowed to have an orgasm. I don't know what the future holds with this but in the early stages I go a month or so before I mess up. I am most likely enjoying it til I don't. I guess.

Update?

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • May 13, 2018

I’m just wondering if the domianant in question ever clarified their position.

As a past partner of mine once said: people want what they want, and that’s fine; it’s how they go about getting it that’s the issue. The fact that she’s portrayed here as not wanting to clarify her position before a commitment has been made worries me far more than what her specific relationship ship desires are. If she clarifies, informed consent can be given or the OP can vote with his feet. By not answering his questions, she’s avoiding the potential for him to know what he’s getting into.

Without her clarifying, he’s imagining the worst - which may or may not be accurate; but it’s a really awful way to start a committed relationship.

I’d be interested to find out what the OP learned, if anything.