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What if he's not into BDSM?

realfreakydad​(dom male){NO}
2 years ago • Jul 4, 2020

Re: What if he's not into BDSM?

MeekMarionette wrote:
I have finally come to the conclusion that I am a full blown rope bunny sub. I want nothing more than for my long term partner to venture into this new lifestyle with me, but he doesn't seem to be taking the bait.

My partner is very much an alpha male. I would like for him to explore his dominant side more and dom me. But, he is stuck in the negative stereotypes of BDSM being about physical abuse.

We have been together for a really long time. but I don't know what to do. I am feeling incomplete without being able to fully explore this side of me.

How do I ease my partner into this or make him try. I can't just quit my relationship because he won't spank me or tie me up or deny me orgasms....can I?
realfreakydad​(dom male){NO}
2 years ago • Jul 4, 2020
would he like others to tied you up and spank you the way you needed to be spanked?what about multiple oragsms? what toys if any are used on you? do you have a sign contract with him or her? if he is not giving you what you desire than why are you still there? you can ask me anything you want if he allowed you to or do you need to get his or hers permission? please let me know what you have decided either way! I am here for you! take care and enjoyed the rest of your day!
Sasa​(dom female)
2 years ago • Jul 4, 2020
Sasa​(dom female) • Jul 4, 2020
Take it very slow, you have endless time. Just a little extra here and there. Maybe books for him, but don't scare him away. It should be fun. Learning ropes takes time.
For yourself... be fit. Lots of yoga and a good core strength is helpful. Probably you join a workshop on your own.
Justme26
2 years ago • Jul 5, 2020
Justme26 • Jul 5, 2020
I'm sorry but I am very uncomfortable with the idea that you can mould another person into whatever you want them to be. Talk to him about what you want / you're fantasies, but if you do not respect who he is then why should he afford you the same courtesy.
wildGurl​(sub female)
2 years ago • Jul 5, 2020
wildGurl​(sub female) • Jul 5, 2020
I don't think little hints work in that regard. Open communication is the only way to clear things up. You would expect your partner to talk about his needs instead of hinting on them and you should do the same. If he really is not into it, then that is a fact. You cannot manipulate someone into liking something only because you do - you can, but it won't be satisfying nor lasting.

Just talk to him and maybe ease him into it instead of going full rope bunny at first ☺️
Miki
2 years ago • Jul 6, 2020
Miki • Jul 6, 2020
One can often find threads on here where one partner wants to do something and the other is reluctant.

In any relationship there is always at least one thing one wants that doesn't appeal to the other.

As the cliche goes, "It's no good if you gotta force it."

Just sayin'
rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich}
2 years ago • Jul 6, 2020
If his focus is on the abuse side, it sounds like he may have a lot of fear around hurting you. There are ways to participate in bondage with safety training and instruction that can help that, but if he's afraid and adamant then there may be more to his refusal.
Bottom line is, you can't change his mind for him. This begets the next two questions......
1. Do you love him enough to respect his answer?
And if not......
2. Do you love him enough to let go?