Permanent Blocking Option is Needed

Taramafor​(sub male) • Jun 3, 2020

Except reasons can be why you get your space.

Reasons matter. Your admittance of failing to provide them only indicates to me you're so used to hiding that you struggle with providing them. My concern here is that you seem to have been close to someone and think blocking them is the end of it. When people haven't been close it tends to be. But it can easily be the reverse here.

To that end I'm going to go into how you can keep yourself safe should a situation linger over your head.

One could as easily say "I have a right to know". Let's cut out the right/wrong malarkey (seriously, cut the BS excuses. No one's entitled to anything) and focus on action and reaction. What does the more/less harm?

That behaviour may well come from a source of ignorance. If you really want to put a stop to that behaviour then consider how letting them know can cause them to BACK OFF. It can be in YOUR interest to let them know.

It's on BOTH people involved to inform each other WHY they are hurting each other. Fail to do that and it's no wonder things get so bad it gets to the point of being so afraid of each other. Which of course results in distance and eventually not wanting to see each other (which in turn leads to blocking). This is the more obvious part. I get the feeling "remaining silent" and "Refusing to let them know" happened 1000 times before this point. Who is that on exactly? When has lack of communication benefited people? Even when blocking someone it has to be considered.

At what point does blocking do more harm then good? This is the question I present.

Why would they be doing bad things in the first place? If they don't even know that how then can they change their behaviour? They can't. Because YOU didn't let them know. You might have evaded them but they will most certainty circle back on others. Who may suffer due to the ignorance. Who in turn might circle back on you. In this situation it's not just you and X person anymore. It's multiple people.

Next thing you know you're having to deal with people THEY know. Who you BOTH happen to know. And all that drama you tried to leave behind suddenly catches up. Full circle. And if they don't even know why then they're most certainty going to hurt you, indirectly through others if not directly. Without intending or meaning too (because you never gave them a reason. That's on you). They confide in people. Who then confide in you. And suddenly you have no choice but to face the reasons. In a time and place you did NOT decide. Because you left it too late. You're not in control. They're not in control. No one is in control of the situation. Danger everywhere.

It's an unpleasant situation I've had to be in. Which is why I'm stressing the severity of the situation.

Given the possibility of having that decided for me and deciding in my own time (within reason), letting someone know sooner seems like a safer bet. Regardless of the situation. It doesn't just prepare them, it prepares me. If a situation like that happens after reasons known and full warning given then I'm prepared to face it. Regardless of who blocked who and why. I can go "I told you why not to approach me". Ignorance can't be blamed. It's blind. But if you know then you been warned. It's that simple. Now, you been warned just through me saying this. But if they have no warning and end up in such a situation with you that lack of awareness could put both of you in danger. What you do with that information is up to you.

Let's be honest here. chances are when you jump straight to hitting block you didn't even consider any of this because you're in some emotional argument or other. In which case were they actually hurting you or did your fear consume you and you hurt them? I am stating quite clearly that there is every possibility you can block someone when all the other person did is try to defend themselves after you assumed the worst of them. Which brings more then just blocking into play. Like how avoiding and evading responsibility and fears fuels your inability to handle other situations.

Example: You claimed they're a monster and they were aggressive and "attacked" you when they might not have. At no point has anyone here considered they might be misinterpreting a situation when they block someone.

To evade. Flee. To never handle a situation because you're incapable of doing so. Next thing you know you're saying you can't handle life and you want to die. Because all you ever did was avoid anyone that tried to say your mistrust is misplaced.

You might think I'm exaggerating but I've actually seen it happen. If you're not careful that is the kind of person you can turn into. Someone that is never admitting fault, never trying to understand, never admitting they're afraid. Which results in never handling situations and curling under a rock. So the next time you want to block someone consider very carefully if you're "fleeing" or not. Are you making snap judgements yourself when you block that person, when you block them for that very same reason? Because if so then you may as well block yourself.

It all begins with reasons. Most often defusing a situation begins with everyone involved knowing the situation. If someone knows full well WHY it's a bad idea to approach you (seriously, they're not mind readers) then that person is more likely to second guess themselves before doing so. "This is why I hurt them so I'll consider not doing it". Now sure there's "i want to be left alone" but what's the reason behind that? Your own trust issues perhaps?

I have to wonder how often people block others when they're too afraid to consider that.

Miki​(masochist female) • Jun 3, 2020

I did, but I'm a premium "charter member" I see ALL, just like the paying public, unless blocked, in that case logging out and looking you up would indeed give me the same ultra-limited access anyone has to mine, which is locked to paid members only.

I don't have a blog and truth be told, none of the critters I blocked bothered me again. But should one run across a bona-fide creep, they have ways to see (for the sake of argument only) "my" posts.

But indeed a blocking feature such as on "that other site", (which I'm on, as well) or even "vanilla" places like Farcebook, is "generally" effective, except for the most determined scum

That doesn't even count adept hackers, but FYI, no worries, no contact or otherwise identifiable info is on my accounts in any of these places.

* * *

My biggest beef is they can't or won't take action (either to do or flatly refuse to offer a stealth mode.)

I understand how people don't like lurkers, but as a woman (not a lot of us in here) I'd like to be able to read and respond to forums, or reply messages-- and scoot-- before the horn dogs know I was here.

Kind of like the old cliche that spoke of "Getting to Heaven 10 minutes before the Devil knows you're dead"

FearlessBrat​(sub female){H.PL.} • Jun 4, 2020

@JadeMermaid

Thank you for your input.

It is your right and prerogative whether you want to block someone or not....

And whether you know someone or not near you from the Cage....you still have the right to privacy and it is your choice if you execute that right....and if you do choose to block, you do not need to give an explanation.

Hence the suggestion of an option. The current mute option is not enought....and as you stated you haven't blocked anyone because they can still see your profile....That is why I strongly believe the permanent block option is needed..
And yes they can create many other accounts which could be also permanently blocked.

And as I stated before it is about you giving limited access to you....if they choose to go out of their way.... Well that speaks only volumes...

wildGurl​(sub female) • Jul 5, 2020

I whole-heartedly agree! A full block should be next on the least of permanent features - premium or basic members. Blocking someone but they are still able to see your profile, read your forum and blog posts and even are aware of being blocked is not okay, especially since you are not keen on banning people after showing dangerous behaviour. On the other side, if you are the one blocking, you are not keen on seeing their comments or ads either. A full block is necessary!

Villanelle​(staff) • Jul 5, 2020

@WildGurl, Please file a report if another user has threatened or harassed you in some way. Every report is reviewed and appropriate action taken, although I appreciate you may have a different opinion. If you feel you are in danger please contact your local authorities and we will assist as much as possible with any investigation.

We've had lots of requests for a full block and it's definitely on our "to do" list. We're a small team and it takes a lot of work to moderate and maintain the site, making us a bit slower than we'd like. But it is definitely something we will bring to you.

wildGurl​(sub female) • Jul 5, 2020

I never said I was in danger and I always report if there is a need to. Someone openly saying they hate women and are racist should not have a place on here to spread their message or get in touch with others, in my opinion. That's all.

Villanelle​(staff) • Jul 5, 2020

We don't allow racism or misogyny on the site. If you see it, report it and we'll handle it.

@WildGurl We don't publicly discuss reports or moderation actions however I believe I know the report you are referencing and it was reviewed. If you would like to discuss it please feel free to CAGE Mail me.

wildGurl​(sub female) • Jul 5, 2020

Again, I did not.