newbie sub

MasterTrainerT • Jul 7, 2020

I a Dom and don't live in TN. I have Trained a lot of newbies so some solid general advice. Know your hard limits. Best said I may control the scene but sub controls the parameters inside of which we play. Recently I have began a LTR with my sub so we are not just scene players any more but full time life style. But still her limits are the boundaries we live within. Also as you learn more know be informed about "After-care" My opinion is Doms who do not give proper aftercare tend to borderline abusers. (if not full on) just my 2 cents

Sir Don​(dom male) • Jul 7, 2020

What part of Tennessee

alawey​(sub female)​{(OWNED BY } • Jul 7, 2020

PLEASE REMEMBER:

This Lifestyle is not at all ,all about the sex and stuff. . There is so much more to it .that is unless that's wat you wanting just the kink sex and stuff. Just " bedtoom".

InYourHead​(dom male) • Jul 8, 2020

Im not a sub, but I am in TN. feel free to ask me anything . ill help you any way I can with absolutely no expectations or strings attached. Just friendly advice

realfreakydad​(dom male)​{NO} • Jul 8, 2020

first how must do you want to be a sub?2 all subs will feel pain sooner or later and you will learn now or later the hard way with no mercy!

TheChimera​(sub female) • Jul 8, 2020

Well first of all, Welcome~

I see quite a few people have given brilliant advice, makes me smile to see it.

As you're starting out, I highly encourage you to do lots of research and reading~ (Or check podcasts, youtube, etc if you're not the reading type)


I'm not in TN but my inbox is open for you if you have questions. I'm always happy to help where I can!

BikerWilly • Jul 9, 2020

Newbie!
Start out with a gentle playtime. You don't need to even have pain involved, unless it's desired.
I used to train my sub using the "kissing game". She gets to kiss you, and if it isn't good enough, she gets a spank on her ass. It isn't hard, and it doesn't cause pain. It's just gentle. Then she gets to try again. After a few hours of this, or even spread over a weekends time, she was literally and figuratively melting. When her clothes finally came off, it was nothing short of explosive.
No real pain. It was just the atmosphere and buildup that was important.
"I think I'm going to test your kissing ability this weekend" was always met with enthusiasm. "Well, test away, because I KNOW I'm the best ever!" was the usual response.
I also would combine this with a little humiliation, at times. On those occasions, if she wasn't good enough, she had to loosen and pull her jeans down until she was "bare skin butt". Then the spank, and being allowed to straighten her clothing back up. (This was also a good one for in public, where she might get caught taking a butt-spank like a 5 year-old. The possible humiliation really raised the intensity level.)
(I NEVER EVER put clothes back on my sub. She always had to dress herself! That was one of my primary rules. I removed them many times, opening them for such a thing as to run my hand down her back from the nape of her neck to her tail, and nothing but bare skin would be under my hand, or opening her belt and zipper to cup her with my hand from the front. But when I was done, she had to put her own clothes back in order.
( I WOULD dress her when she was in "little girl" space. But that was a different scenario, and was more being a good Daddy, taking care of his "little kitten" when she needed or wanted help)
Use your imagination. He should be leading, so he needs to experiment and discover what she likes. She may not even realize it herself. No matter what, it should be a fun weekend.

ArtfulDodger​(sub female)​{collared} • Jul 9, 2020

To the Newbie wanting to start playtime this weekend -- I strongly suggest you and your Dom (or sub, however it works out) both read "Polarity", by Virginia Ford. It's a novel that deals with the good, the bad, and the ugly -- and the exceptional - about dating, D/s and BDSM. It will give you tons of ideas about things to do (safely!!!!) and not do . First and foremost, though, the two of you need to establish (1) limits, and (2) safe words. Be careful, and have fun!

This is great advice!!!

Greeneyesuk​(sub female) • Jul 12, 2020

Desert Rose​(switch female)​{Crow} • Jul 13, 2020

I found that due to the nuances of sm and all things alike reading books on the subject can be extremely informative. As such I would recommend Jay Wiseman's "SM 101: A realistic introduction", and also "The New Bottoming book". I'm sure you can find a free copy to download. That is not to say that people's personal experiences are not absolutely invaluable, but the authors try their best to approach topics from a more objective point of view which can be helpful considering the wide array of opinions.