Does monogamy exist in the D/s world?

Re: Monogamy

Master Bastian • Jul 25, 2020

On one Hand you are telling us in your Profile, you don't share on the other that you are into degradation.
Wouldn't it be the most degrading action to watch your Dom being pleased by another Sub, if you are so jealous?

I think it's often that Doms are misinterpreted as 'lover'.
I don't say they can't be both Dom and lover.
But if you start a casual D/s relationship, it's just about the pleasure not about love.

I felt in love and she wanted to start the D/s lifestyle as much as I wanted it.
So we had a monogamous D/s Relationship.
But if you find a fitting Dom and he enjoys it to be pleased by you, is not automatically a love relationship and therefore I would degrading you by having multiple subs, just to enjoy your jealousy.

Notely • Jul 25, 2020

Vows and and being devoted. Women being under one man for the taken in hand relationship comes with traditional values. With domestic discipline,

NoClvrNickname​(sub female) • Jul 30, 2020

My Sir & I are completely monogamous.

Exquisite​(sub female) • Jul 30, 2020

My Dominant at the time 20+ years ago was looking for his ever after and I’m still after all of these years his one and only! During our initial meeting he stated exactly what he wanted and needed. His first sentence and I’ll never forget it “your my ever after and before I make you mine we are going to be tested for everything, with you I refuse to use a condom”, what can I say he’s Old World Italian Lol.

My experience in this lifestyle is Doms/Masters state exactly what they want without the shade and if monogamy is what he stated trust that’s what he want online or otherwise.

To weed out the ones that are playing games text “Sculpther“(Dom Male) he will help you as he helped me. He’s a real Dominant and will not mislead you!

AproperBrat • Jul 30, 2020

It does feel ike finding a partner that wants to travel the same path is hard. I do not believe I would consider any person to be a knowledgeable Dominant, if they have such narrow minded opinion of monogamy.

All that being said, I try to look at people as puzzle pieces. Each piece has multiple opptunities for a match. Other times we keep trying to force a piece over and over, but it just wont fit. It is not until we stop focusing on what we know will not work; will we be able to find the right one.

I have been in or around the D/s community for about 2 decades. What I have grown to adore is learning what each persons paths have meant to them. How the sucessful made it so...and what can I learn from the ones not so lucky. Of course, I have had a bit of both myself.

Best of luck and keep your head up...

Answers will differ by sex of those who reply

stingerdean{Dom} • Jul 30, 2020

I think women will mostly say yes to monogamony, men will say no. Whether they live it that way really depends. Some will cheat if they can get away with it, and some will secretly hide their desire for a open sexual marraige and let it interfere with their happiness. Hostesty can get you a divorce, so it best not to share with a woman who it uptight and closed minded. I really think the majority of people in the lifestyle are open about more things, since they participate in Kink. I was in a monogamous marriage for 18 years and a open marriage for 12 years. I was a lot happier in the open marriage. We did not divorce, she died in a accident. otherwise we would still be hapilly married and shareing each other with our friends.

Re: Does monogamy exist in the D/s world?

evergrey​(sub female){Ashigeru} • Jul 31, 2020

No, that dude was being an ass.

While it's true, there are probably WAY more poly people in the world than vanilla society accepts or allows, there are still plenty of people who are monogamous. It's an orientation, I firmly believe. Sometimes it'll shift this way or that. It's a spectru, not a hard line fully mono/fully poly thing, but there are doms out there who are single and mono. I knew a fair number of them in the San Francisco Bay Area, which is well known for having a lot of poly folks Don't date non-monogamous doms if it hurts you.

Note: being mono isn't being "uptight," and it isn't about gender, either. It isn't about being dominant or submissive. Some people are, and some people aren't.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Aug 3, 2020

It can exist. And it can be beautiful. One of the most wonderful things about the community. Is that you should never feel like you are stuck anywhere. Because the taboo of polygamy exists more freely here. So neither you, nor your Dom should ever feel like you are stuck. There are so many vanilla relationships that just hang on, too long. With BDSM, play partners exist, scene buddies exist, polygamy exists. So you should never find out that your partner is staying in something they don't want to be in. Or living a style they don't want to be in.

Fuck that Dom who thinks that you have to conform to his "Vanilla" mentality of hiding who he is, hiding 'wives and other subs' because he can't be honest with himself or you. You can do better, and you will. Honesty is so fundemental here, and you deserve it.

Monogamy can be defined differently as well! Some exhibitionists are still monogamous. Some Club scene players are still Monogamous. Intimacy and having your one person, can be different for everyone. Just remember, you don't have to find someone that fits your square perfectly. Just fundamentally.

Good Luck in your search. Cut that toxicity out fast... unless you are into that ; )

stingerdean{Dom} • Aug 3, 2020

Can we be monogamous in this lifestyle? Well that depends on the adjective you state, are you talking about monogamy involving marriage to one person at a time, or having a sexual relationship with only one partner at a time or having only one mate at a time. These days not everyone gets
married, even to have children. My being 65, I see things from different angles, since I am more open minded than old people used to be. My grandpa and grandma, saw things one way, their way from their experience in life. Marriage, partner, mate, basically mean the same thing, but not exactly
the same thing. Marriage, relationship, partner, mate is the same way, not exactly the same thing.
I think you might mean you want your partner to be faithful not just monogamous, which for most relationships, being faithful means not having sex with other people. It also means that you refrain from investing romantically in others. This means that most of your attention, love, respect should be directed toward your partner.
I looked it up and it said "Monogamy does exist in nature, as, of course, do females who seek out multiple partners. But nature does seem to push things in the direction of polygyny on our branch of the evolutionary tree. Among mammals, just 9 percent of species are monogamous; among primates, just 29 percent are monogamous." Humans are mammals and primates, why is the difference in percentages so great. Ok, I know, I am thinking to much about this, but it did brings up more thought than some topics. Me and my wife were monogamous in every way but sex. We were swingers because we enjoy consensual sex with other. Where it was open and honest. but most other parts of our lifes were just between us. And I might be a little bit confused now.

individsenior​(sub female) • Aug 5, 2020

Where there are different associations, many D/s relationships are monogamous! Some are not. Some indicate in their contract that they do share their subs. As long as there is agreement and both are up front. I also know that some Dom's are in a 'straight' marriage and have a kink partner on the side. I know some Dom's were married straight and discovered their Dom side after marriage. There are all kinds of associations. Each person must know/learn what their desires are, be honest and open. Decide what you need to be happy and fulfilled. Communicate.