Families and BDSM

Families and BDSM

ShortRedWine​(sub female) • Aug 24, 2020

I really wanna know how people separate their dominance and submissive and all around BDSM life from their personal life.
Like have families and be married and have children and have jobs and MoveOn and keep their BDSM life up and pumping.
I would really like to know peoples experiences peoples advice on how to do it. Or on how they do it.
My biggest fear now that I have children is how to get back into it and how to draw that line to where it’s kept private from peering eyes or keep it for my children if I should or handle it.
I guess where do I start.

House Talion​(dom male) • Aug 24, 2020

Everyone I've talked to agrees that children are not to know what their parents like to do behind closed doors. It's also good to understand that as a consulting adult you've chosen to be a part of this lifestyle and thus any child that becomes an adult may also find said mutual interest which should be followed with proper guidance

Miki​(masochist female) • Aug 24, 2020

Outstanding Question!!

Me? I live a dual life. My "sexual me" .. . and Regular Miki Miwakawa...

Professionally, I'm the usual stuffy Asian bitch.

But, ring the right bells and I'm a depraved horny slut begging for at least a spanking. Definitely a full-on bare-dick fuck (I'm Sterile)

Trick is, "Have Fun Out Of Town"!!

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Aug 24, 2020

For me I’ve kinda developed two distinct brains a 24/7 domestic brain that deals with everyday life and managing the minutiae of my life

And a separate Ds brain that coexists with the other one , this brain is tuned fully into kink and knows to override the other brains nature and allow kink me to exist it’s the dark mirror of the other brain !

Miki​(masochist female) • Aug 24, 2020

You said it better than me.

Keep "la boudoir" on one plane, and regular life on the other!!

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Aug 24, 2020

Together 22 plus years with my primary and three kids (16,19,23). D/s all that time, met knowing of each-others kinks.

I've never shouted my kinks from the roof tops but I am out in the community and see no shame in that. My kink practices have always been on a need to know basis for those external to the scene like work colleagues etc (friends are aware of choices) If its come up in conversation, I don't hide it. My children are aware of my choices BECAUSE it has come up in conversation.

I have worked in Adult sex/therapy education/adult website business for the last 20ish years. My children have always known this, it has ALWAYS been kept age appropriate, not shown, just known. I am honest and open with my children and my kids are the same with me. I didn't want to keep secrets. Secrets cause imbalance within families. Secrets are like locked boxes they want to get in!

For me (personally) telling my kids was no huge drama, they had a well balanced sex education. They are well adjusted young adults. Was just the same as them coming to me to say hey Mum, I'm bi or gay. It's really not an issue. BDSM is only different, if YOU make it so. For my kids discussing sex never has come with giggles or red faces.

Its BDSM, its normal and its healthy. Its no longer a mental health issue. Its no longer illegal in most countries (I live in one of those) Its how WE kinksters approach others that is important, if you treat it (BDSM) like a dirty secret or something that you should be s ashamed off, others will too, your kids will too. If you can't accept your own kinks and fetish, why should anyone else?

What is normal or healthy is being able to have a rational adult conversation with your children, if they ask questions about sex and sexuality. What is MORE important is giving your kids a wide diverse sex education that teaches acceptance or all, including alt.sex. Do NOT leave to it someone else. Unhealthy is involving them in YOUR lifestyle choices. Consent matters.

If your hiding you kink and think its best kept a secret ask yourself WHY? We all need to ask ourselves this, it is OK for all of us to have a different answer. Non of our lives are the same.

My children are young adults, if they want information they are free to ask. They don't want personal details, they don't need to! Did you ever want to know about your parents "sex" lives? You know your parents "did it" (what ever their "did it" was) and that was always enough.

Its how we choose to have "sex". Like any sexual activity your kids have no interest in what your doing behind closed doors. Just like you should have no interest in what they doing. Its our jobs as parents to make sure they are good humans with all the knowledge, they need to be those good humans.



edited to fix a glaring typo, excuse the others. i;m there will be more

Miki​(masochist female) • Aug 24, 2020

Thanks Miss Bonnie!
I don't have kids, and I cannot have any.. Your insight here is more valuable than mine.