Do you submit freely or are you freed to submit

Do you submit freely or are you freed to submit

GentleDomforyou • Sep 22, 2020

I am new to this site but not new to this lifestyle. I find new to the lifestyle subs are ready to submit for the experience. As a dominant I get no feeling of dominance from someone who readily gives herself up to all my demands. I like to feel I drew the submission out of her, that I freed her to let go. I can see it on the face, that moment when they let go, free to follow my lead, ready to push past that initial embarrassment or humiliation to truly feel what submitting is. My question to self identified submissives here is do you need to be freed or are you naturally free to submit?

subdreamer​(sub female) • Sep 22, 2020

I feel like it depends on the Dom.....even though I am new to the lifestyle, I feel like I could more easily submit to someone I am comfortable with, but others I would take time to get to know first. It’s chemistry between a Dom/sub that determines it

WyteTiger​(dom gender fluid){JuicyJess} • Sep 22, 2020

To add to the above comment in can also depend on the sub, and should be something your keeping an eye open for when looking for potential subs, a brat will be far more challenging and likes pushing to challenge the dom, as a dom based on what youve said id probably consider you a brat tamer style dom, a service sub on the other hand is eagerly ready to do anything asked looking forward to reward, or sometimes just because they want to make their doms life easier in exchange for him taking on the extra responsibility, as with any other group of similair people, there are still always going to be differences, learning about different types of subs may help you find one that matches you as a dom if you havent already

Redfoxmask​(dom male) • Sep 22, 2020

the way I see it, as stated by another, I believe it all depends on the dynamic, the situation the sub/Dom are in, it also depends on the sub and how much training or not they have had, and if they really knows if they are truly submissive or freed to submit.
sounds like you are the type to break brats lol. Some subs just live to serve and enjoy the reward of making it easier on their Dominant counterpart, so he /she is able to maybe deal with other things about the dynamic between Dom/sub, such as maybe teaching or figuring out a way to teach a sub a new position or maybe another way of doing things. I really think its all in the dynamic surrounding the circumstance you are in. Im not sure if there is a clear answer about that freely submitting or being freed to submit.

I like both aspects, Its nice to have one freely submit to me, but still have things to work on, but at the same time I like having a sub thats freed to submit to work with, it helps both parties grow and learn more about each other as well as the current situation or dynamic that its takes place in. learning boundries, possible limits, or just maybe breaking a bad behavior or maybe its nothing at all. I really think its all dependant on the sub and what they are willing to let go of control of.

kajirasubm{On Hiatus } • Sep 22, 2020

One's submission is earned.
It's the ultimate gift given to a Dominant.
The chemistry of course should be undeniable.

I can only speak for myself..
There must be passion - for both.
It deepens and enriches...then one is free to submit.

Re: Do you submit freely or are you freed to submit

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 22, 2020

i love that you ask the question, i think it's a good one, and i don't think it's a simple question.

i find it is both. "Submit" is too generic a word for me, and having read a lot of posts on this site, i suspect that's true about a lot of people. Probably the same could be said about "Dom."

That said, i have areas where i independently and from my own volition act submissively. Being 'sub' is part of who i am, and i seem to have less sub in me that others i have met. i honestly don't relate to "tasks" and doing dishes as expressions of my submissive nature. Which is not to denigrate those things or those who find expression in them. And who knows, i may just not have found the Dom to 'free' me in those ways?

i often use the word "surface" to try and describe the dynamic between me and a Dom. The 'right' Dom with knowledge and understanding, brings sub parts of me to the surface. i seem to be pretty self aware, but some of my more remarkable D/s experiences have been when a Dom found and surfaced something in me i didn't know was there.

i think i am generally free to submit, but i need a certain Dom in order to want to submit?

Bunnie • Sep 22, 2020

@ GentleDomforyou,

“My question to self identified submissives here is do you need to be freed or are you naturally free to submit?”

I originally thought that as a submissive who thrives on service, I naturally freely submitted. What I have come to learn though, is that I do... until I become uncomfortable in my level of vulnerability. Then my defences kick in like Fort Knox lol. Vulnerability is my biggest fear. It’s through the journey with the Man I’m speaking with currently that I came to recognise and understand all of this. I was horrified at how much I actually pushed back when we began delving deeper. My default is to always try to be pleasing though, and I beat myself up when I don’t achieve that, so I’m definitely more of a “rollover” submissive... it’s the people pleaser in me.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 22, 2020

Bunnie wrote: "I’m definitely more of a “rollover” submissive... it’s the people pleaser in me."

Do you end up feeling unseen and alone when you "rollover." Do you feel like you've 'truly' achieved submission?

ribbonbaby{Guarded} • Sep 22, 2020

I am a bit of both?

So, I will gladly help someone who needs it. I love to take care of others. And in that way you could say that I am submitting when I do as I am asked..

Also, I was raised to be polite and respectful first. We are all human beings and that should be the default setting. Unless there is a vibe warning me away, or their behavior proves them to be untrustworthy, I will be polite.

However. Giving my submission is different than being polite or helpful... A couple of phrase that I have learned kind of sum it up for me.

1- Submission is earned. Don't assume that calling yourself a Dom is enough. It's a relationship built on trust. So earn it.
And..
2- Make me. Lol.

SAXMANIAC​(sub female) • Sep 22, 2020

What a fascinating question.

I think that I would consider myself to be naturally submissive. But I've fought against my own nature because I succumbed to the ideal that I'm supposed to be a strong independent woman and that "good girls" don't do such things. I wasn't seeking a Dom; I was unaware of this being an actual lifestyle until Fifty Shades of Grey came out. (I know, I know). But once we started, it may very well have helped save our relationship. I was lucky enough to already be involved with someone who was open to it, not afraid to explore our level of kink, and had the qualities of a Dom. So I would have to say that, although being a submissive comes naturally, I definitely had to be freed. There was a lot that I had to unlearn. And as far as my Dom is concerned (which is all that matters) I AM a VERY good girl.