Plus-Size Sub

Dear Barrista,

Your size would not matter to me. I assure you. I'm a short many were not interested because I was short. It's a similar situation. I assure you it's there loss not yours. Be happy with who you are right now, and focus on the things that matters. Building a relationship with someone worth living with.


Duke

^__________ this is the problem with 80% of the women I have met, they are so self absorbed and unwilling to change their way of thinking and rather disappoint then learn and be happy in who they are in their own skin, they force us Doms to do what he said to you he wasn't worried about your size, problem with you as a submissive unwilling to release control out of fear and rejection. honestly sad and why I dont deal with plus size women much anymore. Dont get me wrong they are all beautiful but refuse to be happy in who they are and personally its sad but the truth of life. glad you finally realised it and dealt with it.its all insecurity and why most cant grow and become a better submissive. its able to be overcome just most are unwilling to be pushed out of fear.

I can tell you right off that I *am* insecure about my appearance and my weight. I hate my body shape and if I could find a way to drop weight fast without going under the knife then I would - healthy or not.

That being said, I'll be the first to admit that I have an eating disorder and as such eating food is a huge hurdle for me.

There are Doms on here that prefer plus size women (or men) or those that don't care about the appearance and care more about the person within the body.

There are also Doms on here that are prepared to manage rules and structure for someone that has an eating disorder. I know - I have one of them.

Whether my Dom prefers plus size women or he just doesn't care, I've no idea. I do know he does not care about how I look as long as I am happy with it. I am not - so he encourages me to exercise and eat the right foods but also makes sure that, more importantly, I eat something healthy or not. I've said it before on here and so many people took it wrong, assuming he was forcing me to exercise because I don't look good enough or I'm not light enough.

He is forcing me to exercise - but that's just because I'm not a fan of sweating or what leads to it. I never understood that adrenaline high. However, he is only pushing me on this so I can feel better about myself.

By and large, I don't think being a plus size woman (or man) in this community is a stopping point. I know plenty of women on both sides of the divide and both types have formed good dynamics currently or in the past.

How is it I knew the moment I saw you comment that I would approve instantly. Short or weight does not matter and should not matter - the person within does. If either of you are running into people that say otherwise, then it is definitely their loss.

I'm glad you've apparently always been thrilled with who you are in your own skin. I don't know why - you're kind of a jackass. But to each their own. Releasing control in total - is fine. For some people. For others, such as myself, body appearance is the entry into a larger issue that we need support from people who care about us to deal with. Not people who wish to pass judgment when they don't know what outlying causes may have brought about these feelings. I find it funny how you say the problem with "80%" of the women you meet is that they are "so self-absorbed and unwilling to change their way of thinking"....be a better Dom. That sounds pathetic in all honesty. If you can't bring a submissive to be able to submit their mind and heart to you freely, look at yourself as a Dom - don't blame the female population. That's your own problem.

And no, it is not that we "refuse" to be happy in who we are - it is that we have gotten so used to fearing rejection and pain due to our body size amongst other things, that SUBconsciously we still hold back until we know we can trust the person we are trusting with our body - with our hearts and minds. With ours souls. I have no idea why you, and other "Doms" like you, seem to feel as though all problems should lay at the feet of the submissive or that only a submissive should undergo testing to see if a relationship will work out.

Grow the hell up and quit tearing us down because you don't want to work on yourself as a Dom. All problems do NOT lay at the feet of a submissive, little, pet, slave, or any other s-type. We are NOT the only ones that need tested to see if a dynamic will work out. You are just as much at fault as we are and by saying things like that, and especially verbalizing them, you are only contributing to what we are already dealing with in our minds. Good job, you make the problem worse.

I now understand why you are able to feel comfortable in your skin - you spend so much time tearing others down either in your mind or from behind a screen, that it makes you feel better about yourself. You are not a Dom - you are a bully. And you're the worst kind of bully because you can do it sitting behind a screen while thinking you will never have to take responsibility for your words that you so carelessly throw around.

Wolfy, you remind me that there are still good Dominants out there. I thank you for that.

And Barista, please listen to Doms like this. A good Dom should lift you up - not tear you down. Wolfy is a great example of a good Dom - he has never shown any interest in tearing people down - submissive or otherwise - that I have seen.

If a Dom is only looking to tear you down, then they are not actually a Dominant and should be either ignored or blocked.

Much love from me!!

Another favorite comment of mine for today. I love that sentence. "you shouldn't feel ashamed, vulnerable maybe, but rest assured a dom will never put you in a place of weakness". It's so very true. Because a real Dominant - a good Dominant - should be there to support you and lift you up. Not make you feel weaker or worse about yourself. A good Dominant should never want his submissive in a position of actual weakness and good Dominants know the difference between a position of submission and a position of weakness.

I am sorry if it comes off as me being a bully but Im not, you want cold hard honesty, here Im fat and overweight, I work hard on my physical appearance. I know the struggle of plus size women, I get it because Im a big guy, weight issues, eating issues, due to reasons, and being belittled by women because Im fat or ugly. I grew up and accepted who I am and I might not be " the guy" and passed over for some who is thinner, more muscular and all that but, I am secure in who I am and accept that fact. I have tried and worked with plus size women as a Dom, most will tell you if you get to know me am actually a gentleman. sorry you feel that way but I have made plus size women feel like they are the most beautiful thing around, and that they matter. I give up I am sorry I never meant for it to come across belittling or bullying. Honesty shared good day.

@Brattybarista. I am a larger woman. I haven't always been this way. I went through a time where I didn't care about myself (have blogged about this previously, won't rehash). Then lost 100 lbs. Still plus sized but much less so.

I have a great deal of confidence in myself now. I know I am worthy and greatly appreciated by my Dom physically and mentally. We do turn heads when we are out in public.

Many Doms appreciate curves. The right person for you is out there. Have faith in that.

THIS!!!!! I can’t with the amount of times I’ve been told the rest of my body is “unhealthy” but make sure my bust size doesn’t change if I were to work out ? .....I don’t even know how that can remotely make sense ffs ?