Does anyone care about feelings as well as the sexual aspect of this relationship?

truckstopjunkie • Sep 18, 2020

Ok well if it's been a while and I ain't stroked and I've kept me whole then I have to feel first, before the poke. Got to be something there, that link. Now if it has been a while and I've just got into fantasy hammer down stroke two or three times a day, well it's just a poking. And if I've got bread while I'm like that then it's just a motion. However I just got over the DINGALING. stroking. But that's not to say that I want but I actually would prefer a connection. Nowadays you put sex away and not very many people have much more than that to bring to the table. I'm 49 so I'll reach down my drawers to straighten my stuff out, I mean you know that it's got to be comfortable. But as far as just to fuck. Well it dont impress me much. I would much rather it mean something and the n adjust from there. Work around it and make it work. I mean fucking ain't much of an issue anymore. They make pills that will burn al kind of calories. So yeah I'd much rather have some care in it.

Alpha Wolfe • Sep 21, 2020

I feel like this topic, like most, can be considered as somewhat each to their own. Everyone's views differ, and what each person wants and needs varies, regardless of their role in any given relatuonship/connection.

Whilst my involvement with the bdsm lifestyle is 99% mental, I've always had an inner romantic. I'm not someone who can look past someone feelings, especially when involved intimately. I guess I've come to view myself as a romantic dom. If I find someone, I don't want her to just be a slave. I want to earn her respect in being a dom. I want her to work to please me, but I want her to know she is cared for, both sexually and in everyday life.

I've done a bit of reading on this site so far, and again, while views differ, I see many subs saying how they want to feel protected and loved and appreciated and not only a sexual sub. To me that's perfect, because that's what I want.

Good question to bring up!

MariGold • Sep 21, 2020

Kinky or vanilla- you should never engage with someone who doesn’t care about your feelings. Mutual respect should ne the foundation and then you build on that. So many on here seem to be rushing into things. That’s a big red flag!

Redfoxmask​(dom male) • Sep 27, 2020

Ok I am probably not one to really answer this but I am going to anyway and before I get grilled about what my profile says and that jazz hear me out.

I am entirely about a relationship being built onTrust (for me this is a must). I must have trust above all else, I want to be able to be trusted and have that trust returned. then after that next is Communication (another must for me ) I can not deal with hurts, pains, and emotional baggage, whatever it is I demand communication and its priority 1 below trust. I want communication daily, sometimes hourly depending how I feel or where I am. If who I am with does not convey or communicate with me I seek it out. if there is a problem, I want to address it and put it to rest. Whatever it is, to me, communication is the biggest issue to deal with vanilla or otherwise. Then comes Love and Devotion. I care about whoever it is I am with feelings, and hope they consider mine in return. I don't need love I demand love ( butt hurt ) before you grill me hear me out, I demand love meaning love yourself if you can love yourself you can love who you are with. If you can't love yourself then you can't love others. I need love you need love we all need love. I want to feel loved and in doing so that love is mutually returned and given back. Then comes Devotion when I am with someone I am totally and 100% devoted to them their feelings, and everything about them. if there is no devotion then why are you even in it. I might be the only one who thinks this way but for me this is how I feel. I don't just stomp on whoever feelings I am with as if I don't care, its not right and I don't feel right doing so.

now there are exceptions to every relationship yours might be different but these are the things from the get go that are an absolute must for me.

slavebilly​(sub male) • Sep 27, 2020

A wise man I know once said "anyone can gave sex, the D/s lifestyle is so much more than sex"

For me it's about fulfilling who I am. I submit to my Lord because it is asked of me and pleases Him at the same time. In my submission and obedience He fills my life with love, peace and joy. How can I not serve him, he is my life.

Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} • Sep 27, 2020

I am someone who will not and cannot have a dynamic without a relationship, anything physical without an emotional connection (I'm Demisexual). While there are many that can take it or leave it, there are also many that want that something more just like you do.

Finding someone who does isn't easy, you have to be patient. And, as I saw mentioned in another response, you need to be upfront with whoever you are getting to know. You need to make your needs, wants, and expectations known before you move forward with anything, as does the other person.

If you are truly looking for something more, I would suggest not only the above, but actually spending the time to get to know someone before introducing anything physical into the relationship/dynamic. Once you have, once you begin to develop an emotional connection, you can move towards entering a dynamic and all of the naughty business that comes with it.

My personal rule, no naughty business without a relationship. It's never steered me wrong, all of my relationships/dynamics have been a year or longer and very emotionally, mentally, and sexually fulfilling. I've never been ghosted. I've never been in a situation where the person I'm with isn't who or what they've said they were during the get to know you phase. My rules weed out those kind of people real quick.

realfreakydad​(dom male){NO} • Oct 18, 2020

yes communication is the key listen to her or his feeling first and when the other person finishes the dome will communicate their feelings and and concerns and I bet you both can work it out together!