Miki
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5 years ago •
Sep 4, 2020
Answer is, you never know when. It happens sometimes sooner, sometimes later, sometimes never. Too many undefined variables in the equation to answer "how long"? Sometimes people click on some unseen level and trust is swift to come, otherwise an individual finds themselves with an enigmatic partner who is that way by either nature or intent.
My windy way of saying, "No easy answer. But you can tell pretty quick when you will not trust someone. Follow the Vibe. |
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Online now
kajirasubm{On Hiatus }
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5 years ago •
Sep 5, 2020
Trust is ever evolving in any relationship.
It's earned. You might find yourself comfortable with another. This is the beginning of trust. Trust is similar to building a home. Start with a solid foundation and continue from there. But it has to be cohesive for you to dwell in it. There are different levels of trust. Unconditional love being the ultimate. |
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Taramafor(sub male)
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5 years ago •
Sep 5, 2020
If you have trust issues, you make it difficult to BE trusted. Let alone trust others. Because your own fear of mistrust can easily create that mistrust.
You can know someone for over a year and they can be difficult and awkward because they assume the worst of things. Likewise you can know someone for a week and have meaningful conversations while understanding each other quite easily while having lewd, fun times. Asking how "long" is the wrong way to go about it. It's the ability to have proper communication while focusing on taking things easy and doing things without it all being talk. Quickly and efficiently. Making it clear what you want/need while making sure the other person enjoys themselves. Safe labels (of any kind) can actually confuse situations. Because it leads to assumptions and misinterpretation. Even using dom and sub. But everyone wants things to happen and we all need to make them happen. So I say things like "You enjoyed that situation. Tell me to do that thing next time." When someone enjoys the experience the next time I point out things go better when I'm told. And it makes things happen easier. I might need to do the same in some situation or another at some point, but this way I can lead someone into getting me to do things they like. The problem with using labels, like dom, sub, partner and even trust is that it's too general. It never states with what. It's not specific. Only once you start being specific and breaking things down and actually experience situations do you find out. |
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| Blushing |
5 years ago •
Sep 6, 2020
Unfortunately due to past experiences I trust no one. My best friend I trust with my life but that’s about it. This is proving to be very difficult with forming any kind of relationship right now. I’m hoping I won’t feel this way forever but I can’t see it changing anytime soon.
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Heart of Persephone(sub female){Self owner}
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5 years ago •
Sep 6, 2020
My trust was complete and grew more each day. I know he would never use me, rub me under his heel, he would move mountains My trust was against myself.
Trust is needed and each day you reveal a deeper level. |
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ursa(sub female)
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5 years ago •
Sep 6, 2020
► Blushing wrote: Unfortunately due to past experiences I trust no one. My best friend I trust with my life but that’s about it. This is proving to be very difficult with forming any kind of relationship right now. I’m hoping I won’t feel this way forever but I can’t see it changing anytime soon. I get that. I think that maybe, I'm just getting to that next step. I hope you get to that next step too, some day. It gets easier, but it's still uphill, you know? |
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realfreakydad(dom male){NO}
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5 years ago •
Oct 18, 2020
Re: How long does it take you to fully trust a partner? ► ursa wrote: This question is more directed at my fellow submissives out there, but of course I'm happy to hear input from everyone here. I've been a submissive all of my life but the cage is my first BDSM community experience. So far, it's been fun. It makes pandemic feel more like a BDSM slumber party.
It's been great because everyone here seems to know that so much of what we all love revolves around trust. For many of us, building that trust takes time. I've had some negative experiences in the past that I'm ready to move past, but before I feel I can give any amount of control I feel that my trust has to be earned. I also know that sometimes I can move at a glacial pace when relinquishing that trust. No one is going to pressure me into anything too quickly, but I think a general survey of how long other submissives usually need to give up control when they find a potential partner might be helpful to me. I think a lot of what we do has the potential to cause some serious damage when that trust is given over too quickly, but maybe your input can help me realize when I should be recognizing that someone is really dedicated to earning my trust. So, in the nature of that slumber party, do you guys "kiss on the first date?" What's the BDSM version of that? I'm not going to let someone I just met completely restrict my every movement, but if we've been talking for a while and there's no red flags, maybe light rope play is okay? Even outside of bondage, I'm not going to let someone I've known for two days suddenly decide everything I eat, drink or wear. But how long has it taken each of you before you feel comfortable giving up those kind of controls over your life? Or maybe I'm not asking the right question, and it's not about time but more about certain indications that a potential dom gives you that let you know you can "let your guard down" about certain controls, so to speak? |
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johio(dom male)
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5 years ago •
Oct 18, 2020
D/s is a risky venture. With my last sub I took all kinds of time. Months of chatting on Kik, vanilla encounters in person. And, finally our first scene. It was wonderful. Yet although she insisted that she wasn't a brat and that she respected my personal life (married) she demanded more and more of my attention. Demanded it! From a submissive. I accused her several times of topping from the bottom but she always put it down to her anxiety issues. I finally had to break it off which still haunts me because when she was good she was great and now there is a hole in my life. Not sure I would ever want to experience anything like that again and yet I seem to be craving it.
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Taramafor(sub male)
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5 years ago •
Oct 18, 2020
Quote:
she demanded more and more of my attention. Demanded it! From a submissive. I accused her several times of topping from the bottom but she always put it down to her anxiety issues. Re-read that sentence several times and see if you can tell me where blame factors in. Anxiety IS an issue. An unhealthy and destructive one. This accusation also sounds like an excuse. Regardless of wherever they were actually being demanding or not (I'd need to know what they said to determine that. Even then people have a horrible habit of saying things they don't mean). When someone else gets less attention (time wise) they can feel left out. When people complain about that and harp on about wanting to spend time together that's not "topping from the bottom". That's a fear of you not being there. The absence that you put in yourself validates that fear. I'm not just talking about your eventual break up. I'm talking about the time before that where you most likely became more and more distant. Perhaps even evasive and difficult on purpose. People can sound demanding. Perhaps even be so. But if you're going "I blame thee" without saying anything YOU did to factor in as to why things went downhill then that's just being all blame and no responsibility. Were they actually being demanding or pushing for compromise and botching it up? Were they actually "topping from the bottom" (as if that's an excuse) or so afraid you wouldn't be there that they can't even control their fear, let alone you? Again I refer to "pre-breakup". Even a sub is going to try and "take charge" if they feel powerless. But if they feel powerless then there's a reason for that. What is that reason? And do you even know yourself? I suppose this is a question of wherever you were there as much as you could have been in the first place or if you were more focused on others. Even if it's fine for you to be with others more it could have still resulted in the sub only being engaged with every week or so instead of more "daily". It's kind of hard to pinpoint a "balanced" time across the board but basically it's a matter of "consistent presence". Doea mean "be there and do enough". Doesn't mean "At all times". "Consistent presence" (how often, how long, etc) should always be one of the higher priority topics to be discussed. AFTER that it's a matter of what to do in that time and how to make the most of it. Sure, you can avoid someone if they're being demanding. But what if that is WHY they're being demanding? (and I highly suspect that was never stated). This puts you in a loop. |
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bunnyowl(sub female)
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5 years ago •
Oct 27, 2020
Longer than I ever realized. As a sub, I may think I am trusting, but I'm not. I've learned that the hard way- which makes me hide things, be untruthful, etc, about little things. Not good.
Now? I am moving slow, asking tons of questions, and being more vocal - makes me more who I am meant to be - honest & open but it takes me longer to trust and adjust. This time, the trust is for real though. |
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