Sub looking for mature guidance /support

Sub looking for mature guidance /support

LMae​(sub female) • Oct 26, 2020

Hello,
I am unsure if this is the right avenue for my request but I am in need of an experienced dom/sub to help me gain some understanding on how to mend. I dont have a community/resource in place to help and hoped I might find that here.

The story in short (I don't want to get to verbose publicly)
I submitted to a dom I new well as a friend for many years. He gained my trust through many of what plainly seemed as honest discussions. After some time it became obvious that much of his words and actions were either a falsity or a game of shallow passions to fulfill. Needless to say the slow strangle of a dying relationship ensued. I left the situation as it did not serve me or him for that matter but was denied any amount of end care. No empathy from one human to another. Just the bare minimum of emotional expression.
I am unsure how to traverse this awful sensation and absolutely do not want this obvious mistake to wall up after I finally began a growth I've hidden for so long.. Stories, opinion, support. Just a hand reaching out in kindness. Privately would be preferred I am holding myself close for now.

Thank you

Dom

semsema​(dom male) • Oct 27, 2020

I to know the feeling of having your life slowly sucked out of you. I lived in another prison. One with walls and steel doors.16 years I shared your pain. Hopeless and drowning. But time heals all wounds. Now we mend. Maybe we can help each other? Listen to the song snuff by Slipknot. It explains my life for a long time. Hope to hear from you.

ribbonbaby​(sub female){Guarded} • Oct 27, 2020

I am sorry you went though that 😔 while I do not have any experience to help you, I can listen if you need to just vent.

Cressida Clytie​(masochist female){Taken} • Oct 27, 2020

I'm sorry you have to experience that. I had experienced it too recently. Painful and in a very hard way. I'm doing okay now and so you will be. I have learned that we cannot receive closure all the time and people won't apologize just because they can't.

Sending you hugs.

Sir Don​(dom male){Nt looking} • Oct 27, 2020

If I may ask?

You entered a relationship and it was for lack of proper words., a misleading failure. You left the dynamic on your own. What did or do you expect to happen now? If you end a relationship/dynamic it is over. I am not trying to be hard. I think you need to come to terms and move on..

Master Cesar • Oct 27, 2020

I'm very sorry that happened to you beautiful , you deserve any of that , he took your kindness for weakness if you want to converse I'm here for you beautiful

LMae​(sub female) • Oct 27, 2020

I would like to thank all of your for your advice, opinions and generous offers of your time. It is all very appreciated. At the very least it has begun to help to keep my grace and dignity in this situation and perhaps help me to not only try to trust another even in small ways in the future ( not gonna happen anytime soon) but to learn to trust myself again. I thought I was diligent and may have failed me in that regard.
To Semsema: I listened to the snuff and thought on your growth from an otherwise painful lesson. Seems we mirror each other in many ways. A very personal song for me is 46 and 2 by Tool. Thank you for sharing that part of you.
To Ms.Dimples: As many know woman in particular very much like a pure vent session. It does wonders to help us with all manner of plights upon our serenity. Just like watching a good sappy movie with a bottle of wine and a good ole fashion cry out! I would like to hit you up sometime and "dish" as they say.
To Aries Chris: I am also very sorry you went through it and yes its a deep felt loss. I am glad you are on your way and still able to reach out. I agree closure is not always an option regardless of how much one might need it. I would like to pick your brain about things you may have done unique to you quiet the noise. I am working on using my own resources but welcome insight.
To Sir Don: Your insight was not hard so much as obvious truths reiterated. I am well aware of my necessity to move on and will. My post was a had one as I dont reach out easily and lean on my own self soothing a majority of the time. I wanted to appeal to like minded peers for support much like an alcoholic and a sponsor. To help me find my serenity again. To shed some clarity, He and I did speak upon expectation in the event that an end was necessary on either side. That conversation was not honored in the end and that was a breach of trust.
To Master Cesar: Thank you for your empathy, kind words and offer to be there. Kindness as we all know is not weakness.

Master Cesar • Oct 27, 2020

Lamae you are very much APPRECIATED and WANTED here , don't let one immature individual spoil or stop your journey .

RedKat{Not now } • Oct 28, 2020

I can certainly understand how you feel because my only real life Dom didn’t give aftercare at all. After a while other issues came up and I ended it, now trying to trust anyone is once again, difficult. But as one of the comments mentioned, move on and I am working on it.
I am here if you need an ear. *hugs*

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 28, 2020

HI,
i'm sorry you are hurting... hurt. i think it's great you reached out. i too won't go into details, but i know what it means to lose everything, the end of relationship deemed intimate and significant. This helped and helps me.

i don't have a magic solution to take the pain, but i do have some experience and understanding on how to deal with harm.

There's a flower called Foxglove. It's a well known poison. It can also be used as a medicine for heart disrythmia. We all know harm is not unique to us, even though we can feel isolated and alone by it. Reason and understanding doesn't remove pain, but i think it can help us deal with some of the effects harm.

i try to practice looking at potentially harmful actions from another like it's a Foxglove flower. It can poison me or be medicine and fix heart disryhmia, depending on how i take it.

The way it works for me is, i know that i cannot control another. Damn, just gaining control or mastery of myself is a bfd lol. i endeavor to live by the principle of love as my method of self "control," or really, just living. It always helps focus and reground me to have my defined and understood idea of "love" as a touchstone. The way i turn poison to medicine is i find ways to get understanding and empathy for others through the experience. In other words, i take the harmful effects and use it to help me understand and care for others in a similar situation. It can get really intricate, but there's a sort of healing that can happen turning poison to medicine.

i don't have an offering for the pain (watch a funny movie?), but even that can give us a place where we can connect with others, and i think that is the thing we all want/need, is real connection.