New dom

New dom

DylanBell{Don't have} • Nov 11, 2020

So ima new dom. Like less then a year and I was wanting to know if a experienced sub could help me learn the ropes?

DDavM​(dom male) • Nov 11, 2020

Not a sub but I'd like to give my advice. Start out by finding what you like the most and build from there experiment with your sub or with yourself. When you start understanding what you are truly into. Inform your sub on the things you want to do and make sure they are okay with it. Then start by slowing testing the limits of what you can do. Don't overexert your self or your sub. After each session go over what you enjoyed the most and what they enjoyed the most and keep building from there.

DylanBell{Don't have} • Nov 11, 2020

That's pretty good advice thank you.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Nov 11, 2020

You don’t learn how to Dom from a sub. They may bring out innate qualities, but the only thing that a sub is going to teach you is about them.

Get on to Fetlife and find out what skills and educational classes that your local community is offering. Learn how to do things safely and what the rules of consent/etiquette are in a safe environment where a newbie can’t damage. Also, read everything about BDSM you can get your hands on, at least the peer reviewed sources instead of fiction.

Work on yourself. Just like a good Dom never stops learning to create a safe space for a sub, a good Dom is in control of themselves and their desires in order to create that same space. You have to dominate yourself long before you can anyone else.

Finally, a sub isn’t a guinea pig for experiment with. Novices do way too much damage if they’re untrained. It’s just a fact and the reason that education classes are offered by local communities. Go there, learn, and then find a sub to grow with because asking one to teach you is a horrible idea.

NoClvrNickname​(sub female) • Nov 11, 2020

In addition to what Kara said, it may also be wise to try to find a mentor. Based on what you’ve said, at this point you really do not need a sub (and if you insist on going that route, the likelihood of someone getting hurt is very high).

FloraDragon​(dom male){Roaming Wi} • Nov 12, 2020

Here is a complete role reversal - switch for a couple for sessions, experience from the subs eyes, experience the physical feelings. It will help develop your mind and in my opinion your abilities, this may allow you to understand a little of what the submissive experiences - just a thought.

Re: New dom

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 13, 2020

Sadly, you picked a shitty time to begin your kink career: I'm talking about the 500-pound gorilla in the room. Going out and meeting people in munches to talk and learn, is rather out of the question. That gorilla's name is COVID 19.


Try your best to connect with resources online. Experienced doms who won't mind sharing how things went for them when they started out.

Another thought, if you can pull it off some day when this shit is more under control, try and find a "new" sub. Let nature run its course, learn your respective new roles together and, well, you might just find a keeper.

SIRMASON​(dom male) • Nov 13, 2020

in my personal opinion you don't want help advise from another DOMINANT either cause they're just gonna tell you what they like and how they did things and how there house is run my personal opinion is go out and learn right and wrong from doing not following someone else learn from your own mistakes and flaws cause only you knows what you do and do not like only you can tell if your submissive is doing things wrong and not to your liking so my advice would be go out and live and learn makes mistakes and learn from them not learn from someone else's mistakes because then you're not learning anything on your own i been doing this for damn near 23 years trust me