Not sure if it's me or what

Not sure if it's me or what

MasterJ907​(dom male) • May 5, 2018

I really don't know what it is but the last few times I've had someone talk to me they just stop answering. It goes well for a bit but then they suddenly stop talking to me. It's not like I come on too strong or I insist on things. If you say you dont want to do something or arent comfortable with it, I'll stop right there with it. But I don't even get to that point half the time, I just dont get a response back. I don't know maybe I do but I just dont notice. Can someone maybe give me some tips on what i can do to get past this slump?

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • May 5, 2018

I think often in fantasy some find BDSM rather hot...but when it starts getting 'real' panic and reality take over. I find it happens all the time.
Maybe think of it not as a slump but a get out of jail free card. They are not right you and you found out sooner rather than later. If your being true to you, its the best you can be. Sure others might be tell you smart or witty lines to try but what do you do when they aren't there to coach you. Hang in there! you'll find you Miss Right for you. Sure I get Miss Right now works too

SirPandaDaddy​(dom male) • May 5, 2018

I often go through similar feelings @MasterJ907! Very good input @MissBonnie. I agree that often times people panic when things get 'real'. Many people try to live lives purely of fantasy--and not in any of the good, healthy, kinky ways! lol

When someone ninja poofs on me (and I certainly fail at this often! and recently... ) I do my best to move on. I got advice from a friend once, who told me that I'm a "fuck-yeah person" and deserve a "fuck-yeah girl". I took it to heart, and we all deserve better than to settle for dispassionate responses, I think!

I would add that often times, for me, all it takes to get past a 'slump' is some confidence. The whole, "Fake it 'till you make it," variety first, and gradually I pull out of the slump with real confidence, followed on my best days by genuine self-love. I work daily to remind myself that I am a valid, sensual being, and that I'm worthy of all the love in the world.

Wish you all the best in your journey! Miss Right/Right-now are both right around the corner, waiting for you.

MasterJ907​(dom male) • May 5, 2018

Thanks guys. It kinda sucks right now is all since I dont find many people in the first place but I guess I gotta just keep trying i guess.

Asteria​(neither female) • May 5, 2018

I think that what you need to take into account is that there is quite a lot of people who are not experienced, who have never tried anything BDSM related before. For them most of those things are terra incognita. And sometimes we can't even blame them when they panic and disappear - yes, I know that it's not the best solution and it hurts when someone disappears, but I think that sometimes they can't even predict how they're going to behave in a certain situation.

There are also people who treat this website and interactions with people as some kind of experiment, temporary adventure that will spice up their lives. Of course in this case it would be really good if they were open and honest about that, but I guess I expect too much.

It does not necessarily have to be about you - very often it is just about these people, their expectations, attitude and insecurities. After few months on this website, the best advice I can give you is to focus less on finding someone, don't rush things and just enjoy community that is here; talk to people, interact with them - who knows, maybe at some point you'll find someone special when you don't even expect that?

MasterJ907​(dom male) • May 5, 2018

@asteria you know youre right. I think I just gotta enjoy the community. Ive been focusing too much on trying to get in "practice" and stuff by playing with people. Thanks, I think this will help me go on about this thing in a lot more easier way.

flyssub​(sub trans woman){yes collar} • May 5, 2018

hi there yes get the same i am more than willing too chat about whatever you want to help weve played with 2 subs and one sub and 2 domme
if interested message back
all the best

SirPandaDaddy​(dom male) • May 10, 2018

@MasterJ907 How are things going? Any update? We're all rooting for you.

redcutie​(dom trans woman) • May 10, 2018

Hello MasterJ

I can relate to what you said from a different perspective. I talked to a lot of dominants everything was doing and then suddenly they went silent or became kinda distant. I asked myself what went wrong and over analyzed things I did or said. I was thinking maybe I was too upfront or not upfront enough and he got bored. Well found out that this doesnt really help and in most cases it has more to do with them and not me. I think its kinda common to just assume the problem must be with ourselves even when this is rarely the case.

Fantasies are very different from reality and quite some subs and doms get scared when it gets real. I think the best attitude is to assume people just changed their mind and has nothing to do with yourself. What also helped me as well was not so focussing so much one finding someone to play with and getting to know the community better.

BDSM DOM​(dom male) • May 10, 2018

I wanted to comment on this post because I to have often been done like that to. One moment the chat is going great, then the next moment "POOF"' Which leaves me thinking "wtf" just happened. But the answer never truly gets revealed. And I wonder where the chat went wrong. I question myself "did i say something wrong" "did i offend them or something" "did i make them feel uncomfy".....the real truth of the matter falls into a few catergories which I will list below.

Catergory 1. They are inexperienced and become scared rather quickly seeing how they dont know hardly anything about the lifestyle. So their PANIC Button gets pressed and they stop talking.

Catergory 2. They lose interest in either you or the chat itself, but they never say anything. They leave you just hanging there with no word....Which is rude and disrespectful. I would rather them say your boring me than just quit talking.

Catergory 3. Then you have those who feel they would rather talk to some one more fun (so to speak) so they leave you hanging like the above mentioned

Catergory 4. Then you have those who come to this site just for the sexual thrill of getting off and they often dont care about the feelings of others...So if your chat isnt naughty or sexual they bolt off to the next person to try to get their thrill.

Catergory 5. Finally you have those kind of people who are socially challenged who doesnt know what to say next.


But what it all boils down to is that you didnt do anything to scare them off. They choose to leave or stop talking. Which is rude, mean, hurtful, cruel and uncaring.....BUT dont let that stop you from talking to others. There are a ton of great people who are sociable, friendly, caring, outgoing, kind on this site. They are the ones who are worth talking to and worthy of your company. Dont let the POOFERS ruin your fun on this site....There are quite a few people who want to talk here....

In closing just know there are people out there who does care about other peoples feeling and would love to talk to you and have you talk to them