Sub Space

Sub Space

SweetBrattyLittle​(sub female) • Feb 15, 2021

What do you do when you don't feel submissive? Just read that there are two types of sub space. One is when the sub is just not feeling like being submissive. So how do you personally trigger it? Can you trigger yourself or do you just let time prevail?

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Feb 15, 2021

I think you might be confusing subspace (a chemical reaction to play within the brain, creating a euphoria) to sub mind space or head space, (how the sub is feeling and where their thoughts lay in regards to submission ) I know I'm guilty of often miss using the terms but often in "context" they fit so its easy to think they are the same.

To be honest if your not feeling "it", its for a reason! I'd be inclined to look into why.
Are you tired? stressed? feeling disjointed from your partner? Attempting actions or tasks that aren't really within your limits?
What has changed from when you did feel like it? Less personal time to recharge? less time for things that stimulate you? tired of the same ole, same ole and wish it was different?
Feeling like undertaking BDSM is just like the desire to want to have sex or please your partner. Libido is multi faceted. Often its not a one size fits all.
What gets us all in the "mood" is often very different. (*side note does the Dom/mes and subs libido match, this could be a whole other issue. Lopsided)

If you are more asking how to do you get ...hmmm ..into a deeper mind set of feeling submissive. If you owned there several ways a Dom/me could bring that feeling "more" forward...it is really is as simple as him/her making themselves more in the front of your mind through their interactions with you. I use things like reminders that the submissive can wear or see that remind him/her of me or small tasks during the day when we are apart. Other things like positions and mantras will also help you to center yourself in your submission.

BUT...you also need to be careful that your not leaning into relying on your Dominant to micromanage you to feel more submissive. A relationship is a power exchange....if your taking more than your giving and it is requiring more and more work from the Dominant, then maybe there is a greater issue to be addressed and maybe some things need to be re negotiated. Conversations normally solve most things

if your trying to do this solo, unowned. The above would still work but I'd still suggest looking inward to what has altered or changed.
there also the standard classic..more porn!
I do hope it improves for you

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Feb 23, 2021

SweetBrattyLittle​ not everyone is submissive. Some are bottoms and just enjoy the play. Others like to please but do not like the play or submit on a regular basis.

Instead of trying to turn on a switch, give some thought and maybe read some real information and figure out who you are. "Not feeling it" can relate to many things and in no way does it reflect on you as a person.

Newer people are sometimes rushed into -or rush themselves- into situations that are simply a bad fit. Hard as it is to backtrack that, your happiness and that of your partner depend on honesty and authenticity.

Breathe and look into this more. And if you are both new, look together. Amazon has many resources
The topping book
The bottoming book
the ethical slut
when someone you love is kinky
sm 101
Screw the roses
a different loving
the loving dominant

are just a few (avoid the fantasy)

SweetBrattyLittle​(sub female) • Feb 28, 2021

U r both right. I think I'm 2 gentle for this lifestyle. Contemplating leaving. I need a tougher exterior to deal with a dom. I have found that I'm either too hard or too soft. I actually have a complete submissive mindset but finally realized that there isn't a dom alive that is patient enough to handle me. So maybe let it go and move on.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Feb 28, 2021

SweetBrattyLittle​(sub female){collared}
U r both right. I think I'm 2 gentle for this lifestyle. Contemplating leaving. I need a tougher exterior to deal with a dom. I have found that I'm either too hard or too soft. I actually have a complete submissive mindset but finally realized that there isn't a dom alive that is patient enough to handle me. So maybe let it go and move on.
..............
I don't consider online a lifestyle.

I would say that you shouldn't assume too much. When the world opens up again you will have more chances to socialize and learn in real-time. If that is what you seek.

I figured out my submissive self while in therapy. And then? I just kept working on myself. I believe balance is the evidence that you are where you need to be. So when you struggle with extremes, maybe it is something else getting in your way?

There are gentler Doms out there and brutal ones. We are all puzzle pieces looking to see where we fit best. Simply put, if you have rough edges you will find it hard to fit. But you do deserve that seamless connection just like we all do.

Don't give up on You. If you have work to be done, do it now so that when we open up again, you will have given yourself a fair chance to experience authenticity.

It's hard to find that online. It IS here but so is every other version of pretend and wishful thinking.

See, if you are authentically submissive or dominant, the vanilla world just won't fit in quite the same way. So many of us have tried only to come back to this even though it can be frustrating and move slower than we'd like. And we've hurt vanilla people in the bargain.

You'll find your way. Have patience. (said by one of the MOST impatient people in the world. LOL)

Hang in there.